Your narcissistic mother makes you angry and sucks you dry. You’ve spent your whole life compensating for the bad she caused and chasing the good she didn’t give you. Now, you’re an adult and have much more freedom than when she dominated your life.
But, what if you’re still angry?
Anger can serve as a great fuel to move away from what you don’t need and to protect yourself. Yet, it can also be exhausting and drain you from enjoying the precious moments you have left outside your narcissistic mother’s drama and manipulation.
Nobody writes to me asking how to get rid of the good parts of anger. We all know when we feel the triumphant energy of “this is my truth and I’m going to defend it.”
But, I do get many comments posted on the blog and emails pleading for a way to get rid of the negative side of anger, the part of anger that drains us, makes us tired, and leaves us feeling defeated and empty.
Symptoms of negative anger:
1) You find yourself snapping at people and things that don’t warrant the intensity of your response.
2) You feel worn out and a little hopeless.
3) You have displaced anger, meaning you’re irritable when there’s nothing in the moment at which to be angry.
It is maddening to carry these effects, after surviving a narcissistic family system. You know you have more control than ever in the past and yet the effects of the narcissistic abuse you suffered still visit you when your anger turns destructive.
In response to reader requests, the next post will provide some ways to lessen the toll of negative anger.