Assessment

If you have (or suspect you have) a narcissistic mother, a useful starting point to assessing your abuse is to measure the degree to which your mother has impacted you. While most people focus on how well or poorly their mother treated them, the more important question is: how does that treatment impact you today?

The following 21-question survey will provide you with your Piper Score -- a numerical score that quantifies the degree of abuse you currently suffer from. It can be used to measure the severity of the abuse or to gauge progress from your recovery efforts.

Please answer the following questions and rate how true each statement is on a scale of 0 - 5. (0 = False, 5 = Very True)

Questions Disagree Agree
0 1 2 3 4 5
1 When I say "no" to my mother and/or others I feel guilty or uncomfortable, even when saying “no” is in my best interest.
2 When my mother and/or others have a strong opinion and disagree with me it is difficult for me to talk about it with them and maintain my own opinion.
3 Even though my mom was narcissistic, I still wonder if her treatment of me was truly bad or if I'm just too sensitive or feeling sorry for myself about the way my mother treated me.
4 I am very good at meeting the needs of other people but I’m often in relationships where I do all the giving without receiving much in return.
5 It's hard for me to be in a relationship unless I'm the giver, or its opposite, I know that I am guaranteed something from the relationship like connections, money, or something else I might want.
6 Sometimes I have overwhelming feelings of loneliness, helplessness, powerlessness, and/or sadness that seem too much to bear.
7 I have tried to detach from my mother but I always get sucked in sooner or later.
8 I'm still affected by feelings of fear, frustration, desire to please, guilt, and/or anger regarding how my mother will react to my decisions.
9 My mother didn't treat me in a way that consistently made me feel worthy, listened to, or loved for being myself. Instead, "love" or attention was given in response to things that made her feel better.
10 It feels like no one in my life really understands what it's like to have a narcissistic mother.
11 It's hard for me to find nurturing, reciprocal relationships, though I may have many one-sided "friendships" where I seem to consistently receive less than I give. Or it’s the opposite condition, where I seem to take much more than I give.
12 I don't seem to have people around me I can trust or who truly care about my best interests.
13 No matter how hard I try, I still feel responsible for the way my mother feels, thinks and/or acts, and I still feel guilty when I don’t please her.
14 I still get the feeling I'm not good enough and if I was more worthy of praise my mother would’ve treated me better.
15 I feel guilty when I assert myself or set a boundary if my mother or others don’t approve.
16 It doesn't feel right to be angry at my mother or others when they mistreat me.
17 Even though I've tried to put the past behind me, I still feel resentment, anger, or frustration at my mother.
18 My anger comes out in ways I don't want it to, such as snapping at loved ones, yelling, or being controlling and/or manipulative.
19 Even as grown ups, my siblings and I aren't as close as we could be and may be acting out old ways of relating to one another from when we were kids.
20 I wonder if I treat those I care about, such as my children or friends, in the right way.
21 I can't interact with my family of origin/ family I was born into in a way that feels truly comfortable for me.