Narcissistic Mother-in-Law

by Michelle Piper

What if you come to the realization you have a narcissistic mother-in-law? If you have a narcissistic mother, you already know dealing with her can be more taxing and harder than dealing with anyone else. But what happens when you marry into it?How are you supposed to deal with a narcissistic mother-in-law? You’re not even biologically programmed to love this woman, yet you may feel you have to put up with her because your spouse does.

When you first meet your narcissistic mother-in-law to be, she may act charming, witty, and like she’s genuinely interested in you and your life. In reality, it may be she only wants to deepen the relationship between the two of you in order to use your trust and confidence against you or your spouse later.

She’s a master manipulator and knows what to say and do to make you think she really cares and/or to plant the seed of doubt.

There’s nothing authentic about a narcissistic mother-in-law. They’ve been operators and controllers since childhood, perfecting their craft as they aged.

It may not be until the relationship between you and your partner gets serious, or even until marriage, that you start to feel her wrath. She may see you as competition, vying for control over her child’s love, loyalty and attention.

Narcissistic mother-in-laws are bragging, nagging, intruding, competitive, and defeating people. The boundary-less relationship she likely had with her child is now tarnished because you’ve come into the picture and taken her narcissistic supply away.

When I think about this topic, I think of the movie Monster-In-Law, starring Jane Fonda and Jennifer Lopez. Jane Fonda plays a successful TV host, a divorcee several times over, and the mother to a son who falls in love with Jennifer Lopez’s character.

When this happens, Fonda’s character is extremely nice and fake to the woman her son is dating. But as soon as she finds out they are getting married, BOOM, Fonda does everything in her power to try to get rid of her.

Her son was her golden child, the one who could do no wrong in her eyes and only deserved the best. Many times with a narcissistic mother, the golden child is a son. If this golden child grows up and ends up being the partner you fall in love with, this could be a serious problem. Unfortunately, no partner may ever be good enough for a golden child.

In the movie, her son never saw the evil and manipulative side of her, but it was there all right. The couple’s relationship almost got to the point of a break up right before the wedding until Fonda’s character has a sudden change of heart and agrees not to interfere with the relationship anymore.

That last part is, of course, the Hollywood happy ending the audience waits for. In the real world, not the one on the big screen, this is definitely not a typical case. The damage of a narcissistic mother-in-law opens wounds for years to come.

From the narcissistic mother-in-law’s perspective, “giving away” her child to be with an adult partner isn’t an option. If that child was her mirror or golden child, the perceived loss can be excruciating to the narcissistic mother-in-law and she’ll feel threatened.

In contrast, if her child was in the scapegoat role, you’re going to hear about it and she’ll try to enlist you against her adult child.

If your partner was in the lost child role, she may resent that you are “distracting the family” from her or her other, golden child, with your marriage ceremony, your children and so forth. How dare you steal the spotlight with your normal life?

Whatever the role your NMIL put your partner in, you and your spouse will need to show a united front in arguments and disagreements between you and your narcissistic mother-in-law. Your partner relationship will be only as strong as the values you mutually agree to maintain. Whoever affronts them, mother or not, simply cannot be trusted if you wish to protect your intimate bond.

If your spouse isn’t yet aware he or she has a narcissistic parent refrain from talking about her flaws without clear examples of the negative behavior. Initially, your spouse may have difficulty seeing the dysfunctional behavior because, to survive a narcissistic mother in the first place, your partner may have overused coping strategies like “minimizing” or “denying” his or her parent was abusive.

Set limits with her and make sure your spouse is aware and agrees to these limits. Remember, she is emotionally very young, and like a child will test your boundaries. Decide together what role your narcissistic mother-in-law is going to play in your new lives.

If she can, your narcissistic mother-in-law will nitpick at everything you do, from how you spend your resources like money and time, to how you keep your house to how you raise your kids. She wants a say in everything and is a master at getting into your personal space.

Even when limits are put into place, it may not stop her from overstepping your boundaries. If things do not change, you and your spouse may need to strictly limit interactions with her (low contact) or completely sever them (no contact).

In a normal family, tensions usually ease or are at least tolerated over time. You were probably not raised the same way as your spouse nor did you grow up with the same values, beliefs, and family issues and problems. Getting married means accepting differences and making each other better people. When it comes to a narcissistic mother-in-law, however, you and your spouse are expected to make unreasonable concessions.

In a narcissistic family system, issues are more difficult to overcome because the less functional a family, the more rigidly it holds onto old, unproductive patterns.

Be aware of your narcissistic mother-in-law’s history in order to better defend against her manipulations. Narcissists are toxic but predictable. If you observe her dysfunction with a studied eye, you and your spouse can effectively strategize against her repetitive boundary violations and unrealistic expectations.

The motivation for her narcissistic behavior may be the result of a myriad of causes which can hint at future inappropriate behavior. She may have been spoiled or overindulged when she was a child.

She may be the product of narcissistic parenting, perhaps the daughter of a narcissistic mother herself, and was only loved conditionally based on achievements and performance. Her toxic behavior could also be due to some form of abuse or neglect as a child and her narcissism resulted as a defense mechanism to it all.

Knowing her history doesn’t excuse her hurtful actions but can better equip you to protect you, your spouse and children from her.

Unlike her, you are capable of being empathetic. You can walk in another person’s shoes and take a look from their perspective.

Although there are ways of confronting your narcissistic mother-in-law in a fair way to set limits, normal limit setting may not be enough to curb the toxic behavior of a NMIL.

As a reasonable person, you’ll usually first attempt the gentle boundary setting which has worked with mentally healthy people throughout your life, but eventually be forced by the pathology of the NMIL to go to greater lengths like low or no contact to protect your relationship against the bizarre violation of the healthy boundaries you and your partner have established. Decide on the amount of phone calls, visits, and exposure to her that you and your family receive.

Don’t take what she says to heart as she can only reflect back a distorted view of others due to her own impairment and her perceptions of you will be flawed.

As a couple, discuss your limits and boundaries regarding your NMIL. Then, set them in order to decrease the likelihood your narcissistic mother-in-law will hurt your relationship or the ones you love.

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{ 70 comments… read them below or add one }

Anonymous March 8, 2015 at 7:56 pm

My FFIL’S girlfriend….not sure if she’s narcissistic but she isn’t all right in the head. She has been verbally abusive to my boyfriend and myself and I swear I’m ready to tell her to GTFO for good. She treats us like dumb kids and yells at minor infractions. I have toyed with the idea of telling her my boyfriend and I are autistic (which is the truth) and that she needs to be patient with us as we have our moments. We decided she probably wouldn’t care if we told her and it would get worse. We are planning on standing up to her and talking to his dad about her recent behavior and how if she keeps this up that she won’t be invited to things or even welcome in our house. We will also tell him that he can date her (we are not controlling his dad’s love life…that’s his call to make, not ours) but that we have been nothing but nice and that even if we get on her nerves she needs to act cordial. I’m terrified of this bitch being at our wedding. She’s on the “don’t invite list” because of her behavior towards us….my family would tear her apart because they will…she screams at my boyfriend and lectures me along with showing a complete disrespect for my job which


Mishirudon June 19, 2015 at 12:58 pm

If you tell her you are autistic, she will just throw it in your face later and it will give her even more reason to butt into your business. I tried the “I’m pregnant and tired and moody” thing and I was told not to use my pregnancy as an excuse for me being a b*tch. 🙂


roses2010 March 29, 2015 at 1:53 pm

Everything you are describing here is just like my NSIL!!! It’s been so hard and I’ve tried many times to forgive her and start over, but she’s so self-absorbed, possessive of my husband (her brother), lies, cheats, and steals her way through life, or acts sickly sweet if she’s not in one of her toxic foul moods! She hates me and my children, especially if we visit her Mum and other brother, and has no qualms showing it in front of everyone, and yet, none of her family pull her up for it. Instead, they run around doing things for her to cheer her up. If I ever treated another human being the way she does, I would EXPECT my own Mother to slap me and tell me to wake up to myself!!!
My husband and I have had to put down some pretty strong boundaries before, but now she’s not allowed in our home, to talk to my children, or to talk to me. It’s become that bad! I’ve helped my NSIL so many times, financially, physically & emotionally and I just can’t do it any longer. I am burnt out and my nerves are frazzled. She wants nothing more than for my marriage to fail so she can regain her position of control in her brother’s life. He’s had enough of her, but of course still loves her & that’s completely understandable; I don’t wish in any way for their relationship to end. We’re just at our wits end with the whole situation. I’ve never met anyone like her and she does cause a lot of grief in our marriage. She demmands to see her brother at any given time and will use any excuse. Our whole family has learnt that her ’emergencies’ really are nothing, but its always in the back of my mind that what if something bad does happen and we don’t believe her?
I’m bookmarking your blog so I can keep coming back to read them. They really are opening up my eyes and giving me & my husband coping strategies.Thank you so much.
~Frustrated SIL


BeenThereDoneThat April 5, 2015 at 8:44 pm

They usually say, don’t give unsolicited advice, you don’t get credit if you give good advice, but you sure as hell are blamed if you give bad advice. But I’m going to give it advice anyway because I’ve lived it. Without much detail, I will say that my brother has been extremely abusive earlier in my life. So much so, I realized before meeting my husband that it would be unfair to him and my future children to have my brother closely involved in my life. At the same time, cutting him off completely would be unfair to my parents (who were amazing, they threw him out of the house when they realized that he was beating me) to make them suffer seeing their children get along. So what I did is I set a boundary. I only see my brother at my parents house. Making this decision was one of the best decisions I ever made and my brother seems to respect it. But then again, I was firm about those boundaries while I was single. Unfortunately, your sister in law has crossed boundaries and now you need to set some firm ones. No more of this drawing a line in sand…you draw it in stone. The survival of your marriage, therein the mental health of your children (divorce can be really hard as we all know) may be dependent on how you deal with this issue. I would cut contact from this woman for a determined amount of time (perhaps several months) to see how you feel with her gone. No phone calls, visits emails NOTHING. When I did this with my brother, it was 8 months. I’m not sure how serious your situation is, but take the time to adjust to life without her and see if you prefer things this way, or if you need low contact.
Whether you decide low contact or no contact is up to you. However, if you decide low contact, you MUST decide the following, don’t forget to write it down and agree on these terms as a couple.
1. If you see her, how often? Just family occasions and celebrations or once month or so? For people not growing up in such abuse, it is frightening to visit a narc. Usually it takes time to mentally prepare.
2. If you see her, what are the circumstances? Her home or yours? Or another place where it is neutral? I wouldn’t consider you parents in law neutral. Sounds like she rules the roost over there. Also decide on how often she sees the children.
3. What topics of discussions are NOT allowed? Narc’s are highly manipulative and giving too much information can be detrimental. She may try to pry into you lives to seek personal information and try to ‘split’ you. Immediately change the subject when she tries or bluntly tell her it’s not up for discussion.
4. Under what circumstances do you go No Contact? If she does something to jeopardize you marriage, jeopardize your relationship with your children? I once had an uncle that spoke unkindly of my father ALL the time. Having to listen to it was traumatizing because many things he said were lies. Don’t let this woman do that to your children.
5. If you do decide to go no contact, do no send her a long lengthy letter about why. Be short and terse. She will most likely use any long winded letter you give against you with other family members. There are examples online of what kind of letters to send other family members as well, if you ever decide to go this route.
6. ALWAYS discuss the signs of her narcissism after every visit. Doing this helps you feel like a united front as a couple. It also helps you understand and not feel guilty for the choices you make. You will notice that she will ‘behave’ when she feels that her power is being threatened. How do you make her feel as though her power is being threatened? Keep her in a state of confusion about your relationship by being kind, but slipping in unkind actions or snide/cryptic comments from time to time. It will give her a sense of powerlessness and fear. It will then become difficult for her to think of ways of manipulating you and your husband. You will find that if you EVER genuinely let her back in, she will quickly punish you. Take note of her patterns so you can anticipate her next move.


Kris April 28, 2016 at 7:41 am

This is great advice!!!


crazymil April 12, 2015 at 4:52 pm

My mother in law comes round on daily basis tells me what my daughter will become in future and tells me what children should be doing at my daughter’s age which is 2. Said many things to me and tried deliberately rubbing my back up. She comes round when weve argued and tells me how her son can do no wrong, how he has always had problems like its the norm so I should just grin and bare it. anyway about a week ago she made a comment to her daughter my sister in law who I get on very well with. She said “your very loud” I was like jeez you can talk your just as loud. My partner her son said “what did you go and say that for” I said “well its true even you’ve said it” whilst his mum was there he denied it to please her. She then says to me dont worry I wont be coming round yours anymore! After that partner has been off with me you can tell he is not happy with me. After years of biting my tongue I thought why cant I say what I feel mil always says what she wants and gets away with it, she doesn’t care about anyone elses feelings.she came round other day went straight outside and started doing my fardening iI told my partner”she doesn’t need to do that we can do it” she didn’t even say hello as she walked in, im thinking how rude, my partner said its because what I said the other night. Please tell me if im wrong here? And what do I do my partner is so close to his mum its crazy and obviously hes not happy I spoke ip for what I believe so do I apologise and suck up just to keep peace with him? Or do I stick to my guns hoping e understands what I said? Advice please


omgnmil April 29, 2015 at 11:34 am

Hi there, I completely understand you and your frustrations since my nmil is the same. I usually stand up for myself and my beliefs with nmil. She usually stays quiet when I do. I bet that she has a fit when I leave her presence, but I don’t care. I respect her because she’s my husband’s mother, but I will not let her walk all over me. If I allow her to walk over me she will feel she has more authority over my life and I DO NOT want that to happen. Stand up for your rights! Good luck!


brexzsy April 30, 2015 at 12:16 am

Stand firm! Let your partner know where you should be in his life and where his mom should be! You are his family now. Therefore he should not let her mum treat you like that! I can relate to you with this since my husband is also not consistent with his actions wiether he is with me or mommy. So right now i have come to a decision that i will not let her break us! If that will satisfy her..sorry but i will not give in! I’m gonna fight for my husband. We are his family now, not her!


Alisa August 14, 2015 at 8:35 am

I have been trying to deal with a narcissitic mother-in-law for over 32 years! It never gets easier. My husband has never stood up to her on my behalf. She demands my children always do things for her. When she says jump, my husband and children have to say How High in order to avoid her wrath and scathing comments. All of her grandchildren moved far away (except my poor son) to get away from her and she doesn’t get it! No one has ever been willing to tell her what she has done to her family. Unfortunately, my husband is also a narcissist…so my dilemma is two fold. I simply had to stop all contact with her. That was the only way to keep me from slapping her face. I still want to slap her face, but stay away from her to avoid the way she plays the victim! She has belittled me and our children from day one. My husband even told me recently that she has hated me from the day she met me. She has broken up many of her children’s marriages. The only reason mine is still intact is because I cannot afford to leave. I don’t make enough money to live on by myself. My husband uses that to keep me down and stuck in this marriage. He makes me pay for our cell phones (his included), my food (which he gets into and eats), my gasoline, my clothing, all household cleaning supplies (because it is MY responsibility to clean the house), I had to buy myself a car (luckily found a 1996 for $500 cash), all of the pet bills (even for his dog; I have two senior dachshunds), etc. Her makes almost 10 times what I make. I cannot leave until I win the lottery or Publisher’s Clearing House!


Alisa August 14, 2015 at 8:38 am

Forgot to mention that he has a BMW Z3 ($16K) and recently sold his other BMW Z3 for $9K. He would not let me have the one he sold. He said it would not be a financially sound move for him. He also has a VStar motorcycle that he never rides and plays golf at least 3 times a week, entering competitions every weekend.


Janet October 8, 2015 at 1:21 am

My husband was always like this, but his mum came to stay recently and made life a nightmare. He finally snapped when he saw the real character and gave her more than a few home truths. He is now restricting calls to her, which used to be every day. She is a bitter , twisted old woman now. He could see her in the articles from here that I showed him. Instead of staying with her over Christmas, we are renting a remote cottage. If she plays up at any time we will do our own thing and not visit again. We have moved so far forward!


brexzsy April 29, 2015 at 8:42 pm

I have been married for almost 5 years. My MIL sure is a narcissist! She’s someone who pretends to be very nice infront of people but is a back stabber. She pretends to be pittyful and that she’s the victim so the person on the other party is the Devil! Right now She’s  trying all posibilities and strategies to get  what she wants even if it would cause trouble to our marriage.. she is indirectly doing it so it wouldn’t look like she’s the Evil that’s gonna be the root cause of her son’s broken marriage. She wants to ruin us to win his Son back. When my husband and I got married she acted nicely as if she likes me. But instinct tells me that there’s really a tention between us… I don’t trust her beacuse she says so many bad things about her other children (hubby’s siblings) and her relatives behind their back but is very nice when they are around. So i know i can’t expect that she would say good stuff about me behind my back because she can’t even do that with her own kids and family. and I was right! When my husband went abroad to less than a week after he MIL already started attacking me by saying negative comments about me to my husband in his facebook messenger (good thing i have access) he would tell my husband that his gonna visit our house and she’s not informing me about it (what for? Pretty sure You guys know what she’s up to by doing this) . Then he tells my husband husband the she feels pitty for him because he’s smart but he is easy fooled by allowing himself to be our family’s financial source. Worst thing- she posted a quote on facebook about physical looks grow old but a good woman is a good woman..and then invited my husbands ex GF as a friend on facebook!(what is she trying to say? That im not a good woman..and the ex GF is who she discribed as such!) . I caught her asking my husband if there are women on the flat that he was living abroad or if he has collegues that are women(my hubby works in saudi arabia so its mostly men) it’s like she’s trying to think of posibilities that my hubby could cheat on me. She is such a poison!I hate her so much!Even if i already blocked her in facebook..she still does things to get my husbands attention back to her at my expense. I wish I can sue her for doing this. She’s really destroying our marriage. Her underground ways really gets into my nerve! and I hate my husband because he tries to let her mom know where she should stand and what I am to him and that our children and I are more important to him…but he cant seem to be consistent about his stand! Because every time MIL gets all mushy and shows him she’s sad or lonely or feels hurt about husband says “sorry” right away.. so how can she ever understand that there’s something wrong with her if my husband can’t even stand firm. There’s nothing for him to say sorry about because it’s our marrige that she’s destroying and he should stick to his word and stand firm with where his loyalty should be! That’s it should be!


New Beginning August 27, 2015 at 9:14 pm

I can relate to your story. I am dealing with the same NMIL. I truly believe this woman is pure EVIL, but my husband can’t see it for anything. She has broken boundaries, she’s lived with us and she follows us everywhere.


Cheyenne Daniels May 10, 2015 at 9:16 am

I am 16 years old and have been with my boyfriend for a little over a year. His mother and I were once great friends going places and doing things together. At first she seemed very excited for the relationship between her son and I. She said small things like ” When you and Hunter get married you can have the house” or calling me her soon to be daughter in law. She was very charming and kind. Than Hunter and I started to talk more and more and our relationship became very serious. Now his mother blames all family issues on me and I can not do anything right. I ruined their family, and I’m the reason they no longer communicate. I have tried every thing to make this women like me. I’ve changed my friends, religious beliefs, clothes, and sadly even the way I treat my partner. I have cried because of the things she has said and I don’t know what to do in order to make her like her.


wifesmomsucks May 29, 2015 at 11:21 am

My wife is the goldenchild of a narcissistic mother and she has hijacked every moment possible and has attacked every member of my immediate family to include brother, mom, step-mom, and myself. I’ve been buraded with negative comments and she completely discards any boundaries we set and concerns we voice. It’s always played down as a joke, that she didn’t mean it, or she lies about it- making you seem crazy for assuming or taking it that way or the bad person for even thinking of the idea- like I am out to get her, flipping the scrilt. It just continues to happen and is an increasingly constant pattern of behavior that is ultimately only affecting my marriage in the end. I try to talk to people about it and I’m told that sometimes for your marriage you just have to grin and bare it. It angers me when people say this because I cannot bring myself to have my family endure abuse for the sake of this horrible woman’s feelings and need to feel powerful in order for my marriage to work. I can’t begin to explain in all the ways she has insulted, undermined, and mistreated everyone she comes in contact with and I just can’t accept tollerating her invasive personality.


Anonymous July 2, 2015 at 9:19 am

I feel for you deeply. Same issues in my home. Tried everything possible. They will never change. Ever. You will never have a normal life. I have had to go to therapy myself two times during the last fourteen years. Helps through the worst of it.
Heartbreaking to watch grandchildren become people they never should have become. I have recently decided to get very involved in helping others to become more educated about this horrible incurrable mental illness. It hurts everyone involved with this person. Best advise is, your going to hurt no way around it. Minimize the pain with more education about it. The more you know the more you can avoid the train wrecks.


Anonymous June 8, 2015 at 10:56 am

This is dead-on as I have a Narcisstic Mother In Law who lives with me (if you can imagine!) Great article, well-written & informative. Thank you!


Janet October 8, 2015 at 4:16 am

I absolutely refuse to have her to live with us… I value my own sanity too much


Anonymous June 24, 2016 at 3:28 pm

I can Feel You Even I have NMIL and she lives with us, the same drama continues 24*7.


Mishirudon June 19, 2015 at 2:59 pm

My MIL is manipulative, controlling and also plays the victim. She never listens to me, she disregards every opinion or feeling I have. She pretends like she is very nice all the time and then she has these little outbursts and blames her menopause. She used to blame having her periods on me until I got pregnant. Then she blamed me for her PMS and I told her to stop blaming me and start blaming her hormones.
She is supposedly an old school hippy, believing in naturalistic homeopathic things, organic food, home cooked meals, marijuana for medicine. She wants to use herbicides and pesticides to kill poison oak on the property. First of all, she has bought this property to accommodate a commune in which she has always wanted to do. I’m nervous about the idea but willing to see how it goes at first. My understanding of communal living is the group makes community decisions that would be best for the group as a whole. Now, I am 7 months pregnant. I am very supportive or organic farming and having grown up on a farm, very knowledgeable of farming its self. I know that the best way to get rid of poison oak is to pull it out and dispose of it. I relayed this information to her that I was concerned about the organic plants and also birth defects, we have dogs and I was concerned about the dogs getting into the spray area as well. It was discredited and ignored. She also ignored my pleas about grey water filtration and stagnation. She disregarded my concerns about vaccination for everyone who would be holding the baby in her commune, for pertussis per the CDC, she said that vaccines are over rated and they make too big of a deal out of it! She tells me what to do, how to do it, yelled at me about not doing her dishes and about running the dishwasher. She tells me I need therapy and I agree, but because of her controlling ways.
In the past she had the phone shut off when she said it was part of rent and my cell had just been shut off, she didn’t even give warning. She raised my rent 4 months after I got there even when she promised she wouldn’t. She told everyone that I was her “work horse” because I was “super employable”. (I have education and a great job.) She said she claimed her house as a boarding house and reported all the rent and extra money for groceries etc. I asked for receipts for rent so I could claim it on my taxes and she told her son she could not provide them because she wasn’t claiming it to the government because they would take away her social security or disability (not sure which).
She is not only in constant denial but she is very forgetful (probably because she smokes so much pot – mind you in moderation your memory will not be that affected). So now, she employs her sons best friend as a work hand on her property, although the guy spends most of his time in his room playing video games. He maybe takes out the garbage an he definitely does his own dishes, he’s supposed to cook at least once a week but he doesn’t have a job and lives there rent free so we know he can’t afford food or his own cigarettes.
One reason I quit confronting her was because she would always intimidate me by saying things like she was the Queen Bee and she was the head Bitch in charge and everything she said goes. I quit hanging out with her around this time because I was afraid to piss her off because she was a loose cannon and could kick me out. Her pit bull was a danger and I told my boyfriend all the time that it was going to kill me or my Yorkie and it finally did attack my Yorkie. The bill was supposed to be split 4 ways. (The dog was “actually” my boyfriends best friends dog, but she took care of it, including giving it little Yorkie sized stuff animals for it to pull the heads off.) I paid $1000. She paid $1600 or about that and someone kept stealing money out of the vet bill jar. I can go on and on about all the really disappointing messed up crap she has done or lied about or manipulated us about.
We have dinner every night. We were late one night because I had a OBGYN Dr appointment. She didn’t make us dinner because we were late and didn’t call. It’s a control thing with her. We don’t even have cell phones because we want to save for the baby.
She used to always tell me that she couldn’t wait for grandkids and she wanted us to get pregnant so very badly. It was always on her mind. Then I slipped up and complained about her calling me her “workhorse” to her sons best friend and he went back and told her God knows what but ever since then it hasn’t been the same. I blame the best friend for not just letting me vent. That’s all I wanted. But he had to be a bitch about it. Now look at the mess he made. If he would have just let me confront her on my own time in my own way….. Now, I feel like I am in High School again. She has everyone against me and I am totally being bullied. Needless to say we are moving out. She offered to give us the money for first months rent and deposit which as far as I am concerned, she owes us because she is kicking us out. We had a nursery for the baby, our own room and private bathroom. I am depressed. We have nothing for the baby. We had this wonderful idea of a huge beautiful organic farm. Spent our savings on farming materials. Now we are broke. I am convinced she has serious mental issues. She was so good at using her menopause as an excuse and now I can’t use my pregnancy as an excuse because she is sick and tired of hearing how miserable I have been with the gestational diabetes and scary high blood pressure. I have nothing more to say. I’m just emotionally drained from this woman.


Susan June 29, 2015 at 6:48 am

my nml has tormented the whole family after 24 years of marriage I stay away from her she is toxic talks about her own kids has one friend and last week she made a comment that my nephew was not good looking! I screamed at her told her do not talk about my family she left my house! Now she tells every one I hate her! I do! My husband says oh well she is like that with every one that is true she is not my mother and I do not care about her feelings any more!


Anonymous July 1, 2015 at 4:16 am

This is one of the most accurate articles about nmil. this is my nmil!

the competitiveNess. the snide comments. the insults. the public humiliations. and then when you call her on it she curls up like a little victim. she is poison ivy in my husband’s family and my bil does her bidding, I don’t know why as he knows he is being emotionally blackmailed and he doesn’t like to get involved in it. so I am the scapegoat for biting back after a few years of this.

we are no contact since my child, her first grandchild who she demanded I have, was 5 days old. we all only exist to serve her. when we stop doing that and that alone, boom! you’re out.

it’s really a blessing in disguise and my daughter is protected.

it was easy for me to spot as my father who didn’t raise me is npd sociopath. she’s a little the same but much dumber.


logan July 16, 2015 at 7:11 pm

Thanks so much for this!!


Jb July 22, 2015 at 11:57 am

I have been following this for a while and reading peoples stories as well as adding my own..

I feel at a loss.. My in laws!! Or out laws as I prefer to address them are completely insane and all powered by the narsasistic mother in law.. The father in law a pure puppet and moulded to her liking and doing after years of suppression to him!!!

I have read many articles on this kind of mother in law and all sum her up.. Even down to how they raise their children…

We are very much trapped and in a bad position that the outlaws live down the road from us… We have no means if moving as this will send us into financial ruin..

My husband dismissed them from his life 2 n a half years ago and from this she has made it her mission to bully and antagonise me looking for me to react so that if I did she could play victim and say ‘see this is who she is’ ‘this is what she does ‘ ‘she’s taken my poor son and grandson from me’

They have tipped us to breaking point… And yes we did split .. In the mist if this they put themselves forward to my husband!!!! But the min he came back they dismissed him again and felt the need to continue their mission to ‘punish’ me!!!

They have attacked me in very subtle ways.. They are relentless and if u tell people way she /they do it sounds trivial but the repetitiveness has made it hard to not want to crack…

They chose to go against me when my son was 6 months old.. My husband asked them to back off and be more understanding and stressed I was being monitored for post natal depression.. This made no difference to them.. It was asked to them why they hated me.. Their response was ‘well she hates us’????

Prior to having a baby my relationship was good with them and in fact is worked with them in there business for 2 years… I had been with my husband for 4 years before marrying and our 1st soon came a year later.. It was during the pregnancy she turned on me…

My husband again pointed out. ‘ do you think this is more to do with now I’m having a child and my own family that you feel insecure as to how this will impact on me being available to you?’ She responded with ‘maybe’ bit never once gave in or backed down on her tiraid against me??

So at my most vunrable with a new born they between them brought a lot of stress and angst to our door… This used to come every wk and then slowed to 6 wk cycles and then to 12….

My relationship with my husband ended and again I was the injured party but yet they showed no appreciation for such!!

When my husband came back and I chose to forgive him for the sake if our son they still did not retreat…. They would rather have seen a broken family thinking that such would possibly give them back their son and grandson…

I say son but to be fair they don’t even really give much thought care or respect to him as have never respected his wishes or listened to his reason.. For them it’s all about my son!!!! What they feel we have taken from them and what they feel is their right…. Even though they hate the mother and have made such very clear…..

We have had to make the best if a bad situation and instead of living in a home we feel trapped in we have done our best to invest in it and make it ours and to live in for the future.. As we intended this to be our family home… We have worked hard on our relationship and done good might I add.. We are out the other side and baby no 2 on the way,,

Everything is very positive … Except….. The outlaws…

I have done everything to not react to them… I give them no ammunition .. Yet even now pregnant and after fighting for my family and sanity.. They still proceed..

Might I add these people are strong Christians also!!!! He has in the past preached to services!!!! She again very passionate on her faith!!!!!

I honestly don’t understand why she turned or why they feel it appropriate to continually put themselves In front of us.. Trying to use my child as some sort of a weapon..
I don’t see what she has to gain as her son wants nothing to do with her and effectively they are watching their grandson from a distance as to him they are creepy strangers that try to talk to him n stare at him in the street !!!!!

I honestly don’t understand why anyone wod think it’s good to intimidate and knowingly mentally put on a person who they know has had a rough time of it and is now with child.. Yet another vulnerable time…

Some might say we are stupid to have gone ahead with child no 2 when living in such a situation where outlaws pose such a threat.. But my argument is why do I have to put my life on hold because of some crazy idiot who is do stupid you can not reason with..

This lady has made out to my husband and his brother that they feared what I would do and it was me who is aggressive and unpredictable and how awful it is!!!! But yet it was them who caused a situation that yes I reacted to badly once!! Post baby… And yet she is so scared she makes sure she is out on the street knowing it’s when I am walking to collect my son from the child minder.. On one occasion my husbands father even add muted to my husband that the times she/they walk past our house to the front of next doors garden and back again is to annoy.. And she has admitted to my brother in law that they send cards to my soon through our door cause she believes it’s me who doesn’t want her too!!!!

I am hormonal now and it’s been a few elks of their games picking pace back up.,

My brother and sister in law live in aus now and recently visited him staying at there’s !!! They spent time with us what back and from this the outlaws have begun to make themselves seen!!!!!

I honestly don’t know how to deal with this anymore as reacting makes no difference in fact just gives them fuel and ignoring!!! Well they don’t get board that’s for sure …

I’m worried as to what it will be like and what they will do once the new baby is here n how to cope with this all over again knowing I could be in a bad place!!!

Like I have said before how do u deal with stupid!!!!!!!


TS July 23, 2015 at 4:52 am

I have been going through so many websites to find someone that is going through what I am going through. I have asked friends for advice (I do not have many, I am a loner) but no one can seem to help me. I am furious at my outlaws, they are inconsiderate narcissistic bastards (excuse my French) but I just cannot stand their faces. My SIL left her job when only my husband and her were working, she got loads of cash but as soon as her baby daddy found out she got money he was all of a sudden back in her life. This of course led her to use all her money on him, this money lasted a year and everything was cool (since when does money not make anyone happy). When her money was finished, she looked to my bf at the time. 2 months later of being broke she was blacklisted and blamed everyone but herself for not being supportive and everyone agreed with her that they were not supportive enough (LIKE WTF!!!) how do u not pay your bills monthly when u have the cash, in fact u could have closed all your accounts. Obviously by this time, the baby daddy was gone. In the end she has over 100 000GR in debt (and somehow the money she received was not enough). We all moved in together and when my bf at the time decided to move out together, they cried their hearts out because he was going to leave them on the streets, like really???. He decided to help them with their rent (but not forever) and with her accounts to get her out of being blacklisted which he did with his own bonus money (which in my mind, is totally unfair) . she then got her job and was temping, when they took her on permanent she said she got no increase but life seemed to be much better! Years later we are still paying the rent and helping out here and there, they will not use their money on things they feel is a waste, and that’s where my hubby comes in. they call for something as simple as the door is stuck or the light fuse and they make it out to be such an emergency!!!! Because of keeping quiet all this time I seem to get sooooooo upset when he mentions their name. I know MIL hates me, when we driving together she will ask am I going home, so they can be alone and everyone seems to smile about it. she wants to go out with us when we go out for date nights or even for a day out. she says we spend too much time with my family and they never see us. We see them 2 – 3 times a week and I see my mum once every 2 weeks. The difference is when we go and see my mum, we there to spend time together, when we see them it’s because she needs something done. Even if we have lunch together, she constantly speaks about all the things that are broken or not working. She says this ‘must’ be done with no please, and she wonders why we never wanna visit. They would ask for money and when my hubby says we do not have (this would be to fix lights on a car or something silly, once again their money is not good enough for such things), they would not speak to him for days and his mum would say that he does not love her. My hubby does not know how to say no and I know I can be unreasonable at times but he says I am trying to cut them out of our lives, and quite frankly I think I am. He has tried to speak to them so many times especially about cash and they just refuse to be considerate of what is going on in our household. I am suffering with a disease that they do not know about and I have lotsa medical bills that they do not know about either, we have taken out loans and soon I have will have to take out another one because we giving so much money away. I can take a bet with anyone that even if I told them what was going on, nothing would change. When I speak to my hubby about money, he asks me if I would do that to my mother, is that fair? I just do not know what to do anymore, I smile with them and am very respectful. we are now down in the pits in our marriage and we cannot seem to stop fighting. It’s so easy for him to go to bed without speaking to me, hear me crying and turn over like I am not there. I am broken and have no idea what to do. But this money story needs to come to an end. He has been decreasing for some time now and it’s close to becoming ‘nothing’ but it’s just seems to be taking forever and he wants to do more. His father passed on a long time ago and after so many years he feels like they are his responsibility. His sister is 35 years old, why the hell would she still need allowance? Let’s not forget the cash my mum gives us every month.


Jb July 24, 2015 at 9:41 am

It’s hard…. Really hard…. You need to see though u have a upper hand… It never feels like it.. But u do.. Why cause you see the true situation and the problem…

I’d really recommend couples therapy. Your husband sounds on the verge of breaking trying to keep everyone happy.. He’ll have a lot of stress and weight on his shoulders and this is magnified cause of how he has been raised to feel responsible for the narsasist.. He’ll know your right but has had a life time of being trained to see her in a certain way and made to feel its his job and obligation. The nml fraining frailty without his shoulders to cry on. He’ll know in standing up to her causes a big drama. My husband knew if he really went to town and told her how it was and how she was being it could break her!!!! And he didn’t want that on his shoulders at that time…. He also knew that in confronting her would bring with it the child in the sweet shop that she isnot getting her way and the blows she would pull trying to get wat she felt was owed from him!!!!

I noticed changes in my husband and saw he was heading for a break down .. He denied it and become worse and worse…. He through away everything…

He had a break down .. I was the only one who knew it was coming I was the only one who cared… The outlaws denied their part in it… The pressure they created… They told him he was deluded and he needed help… (Nice)

Little did they care but he’d had help he did it with me and himself alone.. No brother not parents no aunts uncles grand parents few friends!!!! He did it alone and we fought through it together..

For him it was more the betrayal of how could they do this to him.. He lived his life by them being there for them pleasing them… Standing by them listening to her and her problems assisting her and being her rock.. Only to be dismissed when they effectively made him choose between his wife and son and them !!!

It’s a situation I wish on no one but sometimes someone has to lose everything in order to really see what true….

He’s list his anger and hatred towards what they have done to him and how they also turned his whole family against him.. And doesn’t care what picture they are trying to create about him and he’s focused on his own family he’s created. As he realized with out them/us it wasn’t worth it…

I had my part to play I admit on his stress.. I was so focused on the outlaws and being wronged and the huge injustice of it all I let it grind me down and them under my skin more than I should which in turn became a huge negative focus in our relationship .. At tines it was all that was talked about and at least everyday they had air time in my household!!!!

Ur inlaws are grossly inappropriate you know it… They know it… Difference is they don’t care and u do…..

I wish more could be done to these types of toxic people but sadly all we have is our own truths and beliefs. Don’t relie on anyone to defend you cause they don’t..

I learnt people just want a quiet life and standing up for yourself and your family to these kind of people doesn’t give that…. In fact it’s the complete opposite… Some may see it and may agree with u but if it doesn’t actually effect them they’d rather live a lie..

This prob doesn’t help u much but know ur not alone…

It’s all easy to give advise n sympathise but when your in it and being provoked u feel so alone and cornered… There is little light….

I hate living this way and constantly wish them off the face of the earth but it’s wasted energy.

I learnt today in a conversation with my mother that infact I do have a huge advantage and that is empathy… I can see their side and why they have done what they have done and how they have thought and think to create such issues.. They haven’t this!!!!! They only think they are right and have a right to be the way they are and fueled by anger and bitterness…

When the reality it.. A mother has a son who HATES her…. And a father who has a son who thinks he’s weak and spineless and has no respect for the only thing he now feels for his father is pitty.. Pitty that he let himself lose all he Eva wanted a grand child because he allowed himself to be engineered by the narc …..
They have a grand child they don’t know at all and have had no input in his life or personality… And another grand child on the way,..

And all because they decided to hate the mother and refuse to see reason and act nicely and rationally.. Thinking that they were being cleaver and they would divide and conquer …..

It’s hard for these factors to not impact on your relationship.. Seek help and do as much reading as you can to grow your understanding on this kind of person….

Knowledge is power…..

A old lady to me in my bleakest moment.. “Keep faith” “have faith”

I’m glad I had that encounter with her as that’s what I did… And love won..


SL August 4, 2015 at 3:46 am

I’ve been married to my wonderful DH for over 15 years and we have 2 amazing girls. My MIL is a crazymaker for sure. She has no friends, she lies and embellishes all the time. She craves the attention of her son. She ALWAYS has some crisis or made-up drama that she wants their advice on – she then gets their attention while they discuss/give advice and then she ignores their advice. Next time we see her, a new crisis/drama/need for advice (and attention). She is so constantly full of shit I can barely be around her. When she blatantly lies to our faces (again she lies about every little thing to create a smokescreen) we don’t even bother to call her out anymore. We make our (infrequent) visits as short as possible because we never get a “real” person when we are around her.

All that being said, I feel bad because I think she is lonely and is getting desperate, so her lies and deception are becoming worse. We have had to maintain low or no contact and every now and then I will suggest to DH that we visit her or invite her over because she is alone, so we do, and then we see how she is again and have to stay away for awhile. It’s too bad that she can’t just be herself (I don’t know who she really is – don’t think I’ve ever seen a genuine person in her). She feigns kindness and concern but it’s not real.

Thanks for reading and letting me vent.


Christopher August 19, 2015 at 5:47 am

I am fairly sure that I have a narcissistic mother in law, and am after advice on how to support my wife. My mother in law, for the most part, has always gotten on with myself okay, if only on a superficial level. But she has stopped talking to us on a number of occasions for no apparent reason. Some of the things that I have read about this disorder makes me think that my mother in law is a narcissist. For example, when we got engaged in 2006 and my wife showed her the ring, she went all quiet and moody. I wondered if it was because she didn’t like me, but the next time we visited she was happy and took great pleasure in showing us that her partner had bought her ten rings since our last visit. One for each finger. I realised that her change in mood had nothing to do with me as a person, but that she was jealous that her daughter had been given a ring and she hadn’t. This seems to be a long running theme.
My mother in law seems to take pleasure from very little, but one of the things she enjoys doing is standing outside of her house, talking to the neighbours. She will often ignore my wife completely when these neighbours are there.
My wife left home when she was a teenager and tells me about how her mother has stopped speaking to her for weeks at a time, and as she got older months, sometimes years. When we got married this woman stopped talking to us for almost five years, and missed the first four years of my daughter’s life. She came back into our life when her partner left her. He returned to her a few months later, but she continued to keep in touch with us. Things have gone reasonably okay for the last four years, and she seemed to like the children, especially my son who was born a month or so after she came back into our life. She has never been able to show outward affection as such, but overcompensated by buying gifts and helping us financially. The children liked her but developed more of a bound with her partner, who treated them as they were his own grandchildren. They always called him by his first name, but he would send them cards and gifts with Grandson or Granddaughter written on them.
As the kids got older, especially my daughter who has a mild learning disability, my mother in law seemed to have less patience for them. We had seen a change in her over the last year or so. Nothing major, she would still phone my wife every night and keep her talking for over an hour, but had less interest in the kids.
My mother in laws partner was in hospital recently after having a heart attack. She was phoned by his son in law, who told my mother in law that she would never see him again. My wife advised my mother in law to speak with the hospital direct. She also advised her not to speak with her partner’s family as they always ended up upsetting her. A week later he returned home to her. I must add that this is an elderly couple I am talking about. She is 70 and he is 84.
A month later they moved from their home into a warden controlled bungalow. My wife helped with this because my mother in law asked her to. She spoke with the council for them, sorted out housing benefit so they wouldn’t be paying two rents at once, arranged the removal van, people to come and help clean the old property and unpack the boxes in the new house. There was a bit of an argument between my mother in law and her partner, which ended up with him calling his daughter and son in law. They came to the house to help. They spoke with me and my wife. We do not know them that well, so only engaged in polite conversation as not to be rude. There was an also an incident later on when one of my mother in law’s cat scratched me and then later on my daughter (now 7) kicked its cat carrier when it was in there. The animal wasn’t hurt and I told my daughter off and took her out of the room. She said she did it because it had hurt her Dad. I said explained that you should never try and hurt an animal. My mother in law was party to this conversation.
They moved in on a Saturday and my wife bought them a MacDonald’s. She made a stew for them on the Sunday which would last them two days. On the Monday evening after work she went to visit them. She was let in by my mother in law who didn’t great her with a hello but told her that Jane a neighbour was there. No one acknowledged my wife at all, nobody said so much as a hello. Jane was trying to fix the SKY TV Box for them and Ken sat there quietly. There were moving in cards up, but not the one we had given her, or the ones the kids had made. My wife asked her mother what was wrong. She said that the stew had made her ill. She went on to say that she was upset with my wife and me because we had spoken to her partner’s family after telling her not to. She also said that we should have put the children in a child minders on the Saturday when we helped her move. My wife explained that we had only spoken to the other family to be polite, and that it wouldn’t have been fair on the children to go to a child minders on their weekend off from school. She said that my daughter is badly behaved and that my son isn’t much better. My wife came home feeling humiliated and hurt.
I went up there trying to sort things out but made them worse. I asked my mother in law to phone my wife and apologies, she refused. I told her that the children love her as do I and my wife. She said that she didn’t care and she doesn’t want any of us in her life any more. She said that she never wants to see any of us again, and that the children are horrible. I lost my temper at this, I didn’t shout (thank God), but I told her what a bad mother she has been over the years, and how she failed to protect her children from her abusive ex-husband when they were children. I left her property taking every picture I could find of my kids with me.
My wife is heartbroken and wants a relationship with her mother. She has sent a letter to her but has had no response. We can’t phone her because she has changed her number (something she has done each time she stops talking to my wife). I went up there on my son’s birthday with two slices of Birthday Cake, I swallowed my pride and said it was to say sorry and we miss her. She sneered and closed the door in my face. She has another son, and two more grandchildren, who she never speaks to, and hasn’t done for over ten years. My wife doesn’t want the same thing to happen to her and our family. She fears not making up with her mother before she dies.
What can we do to make things better if anything? My wife has always said that her mother doesn’t love her and it is eating her up inside. The children have said that they don’t miss their Nana but they do miss her partner a lot.


Anonymous December 19, 2015 at 9:23 am

I don’t know the answer but my opinion is you have done nothing wrong and you cannot fix your mother inlaw. From what I have read, there is no changing a narcissist so it’s a futile exercise to try. Maybe you could get your wife to see a counselor who could help her understand that she is not responsible for her mothers actions and she should put you and her children as the priority. Good luck to you.


Beverly August 21, 2015 at 6:52 pm

OMG. loved these post


TCH August 24, 2015 at 1:54 pm

What do you do when your DH loves his parents and are unwilling to speak with them? How do I deal with that? We have a young daughter (9 months old) and they use inappropriate language all the time. An example is they constantly refer to DD as “sexy”. Who talks like that about an infant?! I’ve had it. My husband and his siblings will not speak to their parents about any of their faults. I understand why, but the conversations need to take place in order for our marriage to survive. I won’t lie. I have thought about leaving him just to get my daughter and I away from his crazy and toxic parents.


Anonymous September 22, 2015 at 9:26 pm

Remember boundaries are important. It took me years to get my husband to see the light. It is almost as if the children are brainwashed. One thing that helped me was finally speaking with my SIL. We both had the same experience with our MIL. friends acted as if I was exaggerating. She is family, suck it up. You need a friend or someone to vent to. One thing I agree with, your mother your problem. If my husband wants to see his mother that is fine, but I won’t be there.


Donna August 30, 2015 at 8:18 am

My NMIL is deceased. I believe my husband is the lost child. His 2 golden child siblings will not accept me, exclude us from all family functions but invite his children (by his NXW). My NMIL gave me $5000 to leave him. I put it towards a car instead. Her hate for me lives on and is causing problems as he and his GC brother play professionally together in a band. His brothers bad attitude is causing tension and his wife bullies me when I attend functions. It’s hell. If I go, I make it worse on the GC. If I don’t go, my husband feels cheated. I don’t see a solution.


Mac September 3, 2015 at 10:53 am

When I first met my MIL 13 years ago, she was cold and distant with me. I figured that was because she was angry with her son because he wasn’t playing along with her victim story. She was recently divorced from my husband’s father after a 25 year marriage from hell. She is insistent on being the victim of HIS cheating and abuse but will take absolutely no accountability for her own. My husband reminded her that when he was 10 years old, she would cry and tell him about her boyfriend who wouldn’t leave his wife for her and then she would say “don’t tell your father”. She would tell my husband that they were getting divorced and ask who he would rather live with. She would hold her hand over his mouth and plug his nose and say “I just want to see how long you can hold your breath”. She told him that his penis was small and that he should be a priest when he grows up. I could go on and on but this sums up the level of abuse my husband has endured. As an adult, his sister self medicates with drugs and alcohol. Her child was removed from her care by child protective services and my MIL is blaming my husband for his sister’s illness. She claims that he “destroyed” her by something he said to her when he was a child. We just received an email from her telling us that we owe her money and she will seek legal counsel if not paid! We took a loan (stupidly) from her a few years ago as we had barely enough money to buy diapers for our baby. She has always accused us of being jealous and judgemental of my sister in law when we were trying to warn her of her daughters illness and addiction (drunk driving, visible inebriation). Now that the authorities have stepped in there is no denying the issue but she still blames my husband. I’m at my wits end and I’m not sure what to do.


DIL September 9, 2015 at 7:50 am

My cow in law is a narcissist from hell. She’s forever criticizing and loud. And loves manipulating my FIL and husband with tears. She always insults me in a jokingly manner that everyone thinks she’s funny but she knows it irritates the hell out of me. She’s meddling in everything including our bedroom. How many children we should have when we should have them what underwear i should wear(grandma panties). All holidays are at her house. She decides the menu everything. She talks down on her husband like he is a child no wonder he cheated on her, but she is still punishing him for it. Shes the victim ALWAYS and I’m the evil witch who only wants to stir up trouble when all she wants to do is help. If it wasn’t for my son i would divorce my husband. I love him but I’m tired of always trying to defend myself always having to give in to his mother otherwise I’ll be the ungrateful one. I made the mistake of trying to talk to my husband about it, but he sees nothing wrong with his helpful mother. She manipulates, sits and gives herself compliments and force us all to agree with that, she gossips all her friends, wants to be included in all aspects of our lives, cries to get her way, forces her wishes and wants down on everyone, control everyones finances, but she doesn’t work. Today i hate her i really do and i want no contact with her. And my husband forces me to have contact with her of our son. She lives 10 minutes away from us and doesn’t want my husband and i to move even though he has to drive far to his work everyday. The place we stay in was hers, actually still is. She tells my husband that this place is ours it doesn’t matter if its in her name and why do we want to buy something else what about this place, but she comes and rearranges all my furniture it’s one more control she has over us. My husband only sees this as her good intentions and it would’ve been if she was a healthy minded person. It takes all my energy to refrain myself from pulling out all her overly bleached yellow barely there hair.


Frustrated September 22, 2015 at 10:22 am

I wanted to share a non apology letter from my MIL
“I’m so sorry for anything I did to cause your bad feelings, I never intended to do anything to upset you, if I did I am sorry. She goes on about how old she is now, and I need to have compassion for her. Again she is sorry for her part of the problem. ”

I have done nothing, I have went no contact and she can’t stand it. I am so tired of dealing with her manipulations.
My husband thought that was a nice apology.
Is it just me?


natty November 3, 2015 at 10:45 am

no, she is a crazy hag….


Lori April 27, 2016 at 4:14 pm

No. it isnt just you—-I have the MIL from hell too and ever so often she does a fake break down apology—It only makes them think after they apologize that the slate has been wiped clean and just gives her permission to repeat her manipulative behavior–One day I finally had enough–when she came up to hug me and tell me another bullsh** apology…..I nicely took her arms off me and backed up from her and told her that her son and grandkids deserved so much better than what she puts them through and told her that her fake apologizes mean nothing to me—Of course I got a evil look and she turned around and walked away—-To make matters worse she lives with us—She has faked heart attacks when she doesnt get her way —-is a pill popper and list list could go on for days and days—-After 15 miserable years of her I have finally found peace within myself–I have set boundaries and stick to them—I am the person who has finally told her no…….I still show respect because she is my husbands mother —but I do not confide in her—I do not talk to her unless she speaks to me first—and when I answer–I do it politely—-I have become unpredictable to her—that way she stays confused on how to control me—-I support my husband in having to deal with her—I constantly remind him how much I love him and that she is not going to run me off— Im not going anywhere —-Sure its not easy and each day is a new hell—-But you have to come to the conclusion your time and energy is valuable—NO ONE has a right to disrupt that—-SET BOUNDARIES !!!!! It can be done politely where it does not cause friction with your spouse—–And the more unpredictable you become with that evil ML from hell—will confuse her—she will become more afraid to even try to control you because she will not be able to predict what your reaction will be——It is a day to day—minute by minute battle that never goes away– God bless anyone else that goes through this—


Anon September 25, 2015 at 6:27 pm

I left my narcissist wife. Her mom is the queen bee – far more narcissistic than exwife. Ex BIL is the golden child. Whole family is sick. Now EXBIL son is new golden child. DD is scapegoat. Been thru hell. Trying to raise my daughter right.


Anonymous October 2, 2015 at 1:56 pm

I have put up with my mother in law for 25 years now and have taken her verbal abuse for that long. I have never been good enough for her son and she repeatedly would tell me how to dress my children, clean my house. etc.. We have had many verbal altercations over the years to the point to where my husband, myself and our now adult children don’t want anything to do with her. She is the same way with one of her daughters and son who are both married. The wife of the son lost their son 2 years ago and the woman totally flipped out blaming the wife who was the stepmother for the boys death. She and her 4th husband stalk all of us by riding out street constantly and harassing some other family members. She has started referring to my sister in law as the “situation” and she seriously feels that something bad is about to happen as in the mother in law may kill her. My husband and I have gone for over a year with no contact with her until this past Sunday she shows up at our home uninvited. Needless to say we had very little to say to her and we hope she doesn’t come back. Any suggestions on how we need to handle this? The woman has serious issues and needs help. Please note that this has gone on for years. In the past we would all get along for a few months then she starts turning everyone against each other with lies. We all caught on to what she was doing and decided to wash our hands of her. Our fear is that since she “visited” on Sunday that she is trying to worm her way back in and that it will all start up again. We are perfectly content not having her in our lives. How do you tell her that? My husband already told her that none of her children or grandchildren wanted anything to do with her but she doesn’t respect our feelings.


Julie S October 8, 2015 at 9:34 am

eaning, belittling. I felt reduced to nothingness. Cussed at. Constantly called names from day 1 to present. I’m tired of it. His constant roving eye, checking our other women blatantly in front of me & even after I tell him countless times I hate it, how bad it makes me feel & to stop it! He doesn’t care! He excuses his behavior & says what he does is OK & normal & will continue to do it. So my feelings mean nothing. Again I’m told im “too sensitive” “too jealous” “too emotional”. He always & always puts it off on me & never ever takes time to LISTEN to me or take into account my FEELINGS! NEVER! I don’t exist to him!!

This past May, FIVE days before our 33rd anniversary, he sends a text to his former bandmemet, so-called friend & notorious womanizer. He told this Jay how he wished he had stayed with his HOT ex GF & had kep dating her instead of being with me & that he was going to look her up on FB! Jay replied back what about me to which my spouse NEVER replied! When I asked him later all he did was shrug his shoulders! No reply! First he blamed Jay! Jay didn’t write it! Then he gave this BS story it was just ” Guy Talk” BS!! Then he blamed me!! Hey, I didn’t write it a-hole! YOU betrayed me!! Since Nov last year he’s been heavily forcing me to go to Arizona for a MONTH! This man who NEVER cared for my health “suddenly” cares all of a sudden! BS! I kept saying to myself something fishy was up! But he bullied & pushed saying I was NOT doing all there was for my help!?! I’m like BS & made my very long list of everything I’ve done!! It was very long!! All the quaks I went to was even astounded at the lengths I went to. But of course, to a Narcissist who Gaslights & deflects their victim, they reign supreme in their mind & must always be right & find flaw in all you say & do. ALWAYS! I didn’t get to read the text until I got back from my trip. But when Jay sent me a text a couple days Before I left I tried to cancel. My spouse told me I was getting on the plane if he had to bodily carry me! So I get back & read it! Heart breaking, sad, raging mad! He says he didn’t act on it, but years if lies, deceit, abuse, I don’t believe him & cannot trust him. I don’t think I can ever trust him. He never built any bonds of trust in the beginning. Then he punishes ME by blocking ME from the joke of a joint cellphone account, telling the CSR Rep on the phone in front of me that his calls are “private & sensitive ”

We went to a therapist that said to look over the phone bill “together” he won’t do that, but he logged me in 1x, making a really big stinking deal over it saying im nothing but snooping!! So what is it really he’s so hell bent on hiding!!! Lots++

Last night we go after hours to his work to watch the Cubs on cable as we don’t have it here! At 1st he held my hand until our daughter showed up then that didn’t happen anymore! BTW, he turned my daughter against me-they BOTH railed against me when he was out to get me after his betrayal!! And I basically raised her alone while he was an absentee father when she was growing up! I had to work 2 part-time jobs to buy her clothing, toys, school supplies + my own! I had to borrow maternity clothes cause I couldn’t afford then! I’m sure he doesn’t remember that! He has very selective memory! Likes to forget the bad stuff that he cannot always twist on me!

So we were logging onto the work Internet. My stupid phone wasn’t cooperating. It wasn’t accepting the login info. Then mine has chrome, not a real internet browser so it didn’t bring up the company page like it did on their phone.

Anyway, she said something about his company doing DNA sampling & skincare. Sounded interesting but I was doing MLB searches. I could not sleep that night. So I tried to search on my phone for his company site. It wasn’t pulling it up. I had been drinking caffeine late, which was a no no! I was on a caffeine buzz! I went & took his phone, not really thinking too clear as it obviously seems now, to look at his web browser & copy the URL because my phone is just retarded!! Simply retarded! I wasn’t being devious, but he sees it as so, & no matter how I explained it & sowed him the browser history where last night it did NOT have his companies page at all & the funky 1 it came up which is a business directory you have to subscribe to!! But of course he’s suspicious & malicious just like his mother! And when I told him so, he said he’s “proud” to be like his mother to which someone who says they are proud to be someone like HER & he KNOWS full well what she’s done & what she’s responsible for, makes him a pathetic excuse of a non-man. Someone who will never grow up to be a real man. A real man doesn’t treat a wife as something lesser, to be degraded, devalued, unloved, disregarded, called names, trashed, treated despicable, cursed, betrayed with eyes/heart/body, contemt, flirt with others, watch porn, threaten, scorn, ridicule, show disdain, abandon, break vows, stonewall, gaslight, deflect.

If you don’t want to commit then why do you get married? If you still want to have promiscuous sex, why do you remain married? If you only talk the talk but don’t walk it, then why do you go to church like a hypocrite?

I’m totally fed up & ready to walk away! Had enough! I’ve served my time with 33+ as of 5-21-82.


Paula Gregoire October 15, 2015 at 9:50 am

Amen to everything you just said. My MIL died last week. She was 96. I should have gotten divorce years and years ago. I’ve been married for 47 years. She stole parts of my life that can never be replaced. She stole my joy. I cannot stop hating her. Woulda, coulda, shoulda.

My advice is get out NOW before it’s too late. My husband, to his credit told me she’s gone, she will never hurt anyone again. Still I can’t stop reliving the pain she caused in my life, the joy she stole from me when raising my children. So…..she’s still causing pain!!!
Don’t let this happen to you. Get out now, or get away from her any way you can. She is psychological poison and she will completely ruin your marriage if you allow her to do so. Advice from me. Get out now!!!


misty October 18, 2015 at 8:07 am

My husband and I have been married for 9 years.We have not had nothing to do with his mom or dad for 5 years because of her toxic personality. She tried to cause so much trouble and she had to always be center of attention. She is a lier a manipulate person she crystal to try to get her way.She likes control and if she loses it watch out.She is abusive to her grandchildren and makes them feel guilty if they want to hang with friends or other family. She dug her own whole 5 years ago when my son was 2 he slapped at her and she grabbed his hands and back handed him across the face my husband said hey and my son said hurt she said yes it does hurt doesn’t it.She just thought she could do whatever she wanted because her daughter let’s her do whatever with her kids.She was angry with us anyways because we wouldn’t let her have control over our child we never let him stay with her or let her take him anywhere my husband words because he new how she was with the other kids.So she hated not having that control.She was slowly losing control over my husband because we were married she hated it he didn’t jump to her every move and hand her money like he did before. We left I told my husband you will call her and tell her not to ever touch him again he didn’t want to I said yes you are.He called her he was nice as he could be asking her not to do that again he never yelled or cussed at her.She cried of course said she was sorry and they hung up.His dad called him 5 min later cussing him out.His mom told his dad that my husband cussed her out lieshe just wanted to be the victim. Really what normal mom would lie on there son.And his dad was there he saw her hit my son they are both sick.She called the whole family and said my husband cussed her out and that she did not hit my son she patted his butt lies lies lies . It’s been 5 years and she is still telling lies on her own son.She new she was busted but wanted to make sure she was and still is the victim even if it cost her relationship with her son and grandchild she doesn’t care.That is not a mother’s love to me that’s evil.Maybe one day they will work it out but I will never have nothing to do with her she is evil and poisonous. She has done and said so much more it blows my mind.I could never ever be out of my son’s life or tell lies on him sick sick sick she seriously makes me sick.It sucks that things had to be this way but these last 5 year’s have been peaceful sad but true.


Nicola October 27, 2015 at 7:11 am

This sounds exactly like my MIL. She infantalises my husband & I, constantly patronising & lecturing us. We are both nearly 40 & well-educated but she is always right & we daren’t contradict her. She yells at the smallest think & flips out if she thinks she’s being critised. We married 12 years ago & she thankfully moved to another country in 2006. Before that I dreaded visiting her. She talked at us & has never made any effort to get to know me. She is just so self-absorbed & shocks me at how little interest she has in her son. It’s always about her & her issues & our problems are just dismissed as inconsequential compared to hers. I hate being left alone with her as she takes the opportunity to say rude, judgemental things to me. Now she lives abroad I have to spend an extended amount of time with her which is hard but it gets it all out of the way in one go! She bores me rigid & annoys me with her rudeness & self-absorption but my husband loves her & wants to check she’s OK. Thankfully he has realised what she’s like over the years but I don’t push it too much. I’ve read a lot about NPD, which I think she has but I think it’s hard to accept that she doesn’t really love him. She’s not able; he is just a source for her narcisstic supply & I just get in the way!!


Leigh November 16, 2015 at 7:19 am

I married into a narcissist family. My father inlaw is the worst and my sister inlaw is a carbon copy. My husband moved from the UK to get away from them. My husband needed a kidney and asked his sister if she would consider donating if it came to that, and she didn’t even take a breath before she said no. My sister in law drive her husband to alcoholism. She has two children, and one is the abused scapegoat and the other the golden child. My husband died when our child was 8 and now his family has very little to do with us, with the exception of the scapegoat child who is fabulous. I heard my sil tell her daughter she wished the daughter was dead instead of her brother, she called daughter a bitch, went to her job and told them she was a terrible person, threw the daughter out if the house and three her belongings out the window while cussing her out, and so many other things. Luckily, her scapegoated daughter met a wonderful man who protects her from the nutty mother and grandfather. My daughter and I were invited to their wedding but not the grandfather and the mother begged enough to get an invite but only to the ceremony. It’s such a long and insane story of all the havoc these people caused in my life and other “outsiders” who dared to marry into the family. I can’t believe I never heard of this disorder before now. I thought these people had to be one of a kind evil. I love my niece and wish I had done more to protect her as a child. My husband never would discuss his family or why he left his home country, but I figured that out the first time I met them. Oh, and his family always said our daughter looked nothing like my husband, in other words she wasn’t his child ! My daughter is very hurt to realize her dads family does not care about her, much less have love for her. All the positive attention is focused on her golden child cousin and they really dislike the scapegoats new husband since he walked out when the grandfather started screaming at him and wagging his finger in his face. They are a miserable mess. My sister in law actually told me how hard it has been for HER to have lost her brother and for him not to see her golden child grow up and be successful. No mention of her brothers child or wife missing his presence. She told me the night before his funeral not to expect her parents to offer any financial support because they had lots of expenses. Then when my mother in law died, dear father in law remarried a few months later and my sil accused the woman of marrying him for his money! The golden child does not defend her sister. She is happy to be the recipient of the praise and the money. It’s a tangled mess of a family.


Leigh November 16, 2015 at 7:32 am

Just want to add, the golden child has just completed medical school in England and is now a junior doctor. I’m interested to see how her new status as a medical doctor will allow her to excuse her mothers insane behavior. She is not a bad person, but as I said, she defends her mothers behavior and explains it as her being tired or under a lot of stress. The mother has also strained her relationship with her sister. They are not very close. My daughter has a stronger bond with her scapegoated cousin than the two sisters have.


Victoria November 21, 2015 at 8:10 pm

I have not have a whole night sleep in a very long time.
My MIL has really success to throw me down in a deep depression.
I’ve only been married for 5 months, and I’m scared I can’t handle to have this toxic NMIL in my life. I’m scared that I am too weak, and I don’t have any support from my husband who don’t fully see how horrible she is. There is many horrible stories I can tell about her..but she really broke me down on our wedding day when she made a scen and walked from table to table and talked bad stuff about us to our wedding guest. She couldn’t say congratulation to us, or even say goodbye. She was yoo busy to help her son with his tie, because her other son wanted a sandwish. It was so hard to keep smiling all day long. At the hotel, I’d lock me in the bathroom in our honeymoon svite and cried the whole wedding night, and my husband called his mother to confront her behaviour after I told him to defend me..and it ended with him apologize to her because “we were ungrateful to her”. Later I made him read about narcissistic personality dissorders and he run an throw up after he was done reading. He is the “lost child”, and it was a punch in the face when he understands she doesnt really love him.
But he still keep defending her and make exuses for her behaviour..and do her favors behind my back and lies about it for serval weeks. I know its hard for him, and since August, he has gone low contact with her… but she won’t accept that fully. She didnt care a bit before about him but exept for favors.. but now when she starts losing controll, she try to email, call, makes her poor husband, or my husbands golden child brother write on fb to him and so on. And he didt tell me they wrote until today when i asked if he had heard from her. He s shutting me off, and even after all evil things she had done to him, and to the person he had married, he wants to be friend with her again, and just ignore everything that happend. Because thats easier, he says. I have told him over and over that i have feel so depressed just thinking about her, and he still can’t ser how much damage she has done. I love my husband more than anything and i want to feel happy newly wed, but instead i feel like be away from him for a while. I feel betrayed in some way, and shocked when he doesn’t take my side. She has to be satisfied and that is more important than his marriage(?) I do understand him better after reading about narcissism, but he have read books about it too, and did go to a therapisth, and even throw up when he realised who she is…now when he knows and understand better, i had hoped for him to be angry on her for being the devil, and for hurting him, and had let her damage his wife..instead he wants to forgive her, because he says he know how to handle it better now when he can see what she is doing and understand her manipulations. I would not ever forgive someone who hurts the one i loved. I would not hesitate for a second if it was my mother who had done something like this. I know he love me, but i feel i cant trust him.

How can a mother hurting their children and their life this way? /Victoria
(Sorry for spelling crazy, its 4 am, on a phone, from scandinavia)


D.Evans November 26, 2015 at 9:01 pm

Be very careful when informing your Golden Child partner about his mothers behavior, even if you can back it up with examples….whilst your partner may not be a Narc, he would have learnt from the best….denial, projection, gaslighting, you name it. Having numerous examples, I was labelled a liar, mentally unwell, had child protection called on me, you name it!! Whilst he now acknowledges some of her behaviours, he can go from acceptance to denial in a heartbeat and you never know what you will get. It doesn;t help when the malignant Narc lives next door!! The whole thing is so sad and pathetic!


Leigh November 27, 2015 at 5:25 pm

Well all this is certainly an eye opener for me. I hope my niece gets therapy and goes no contact with her mother. Btw, my husband committed suicide. No note to me, just told me he had been depressed after his transplant and then he shot himself one night. I think his family blames me. They don’t even seem to understand why he moved away from England to the USA. I think it’s easier for them to forget about me and my daughter, which is ok with me but sad for my daughter. I tried to capture their behavior on video several times, but they seemed to sense me taping every time and would stop acting crazy.


crazymil November 30, 2015 at 4:39 am

You wonder if its you going crazy or them sending you crazy. A few weeks ago on a friday my partner and I were round his sisters house snd mother in law there, wen my partner stormed off back home for no reason everyone thought leave him, and I did. But guess who went running after him, thats right his mum. Wen she returned back I said I dont know why u went off to him u should just leave him, the mother in Law has always run after him thats partly why I think he dies it, attention. So she told me that night she dont care about me or wat I feel all that matters is her sons ok. So she cares about her son, and goes onto me about what she thinks will make him happy. Shes obsessed please advice, my partner never says anything to her as scared of hurting her feelings. But in process I bite my tongue, and make things worse by moaning to him About his mum, hes in the middle, and if I do go on he just leaves and drives to his mum so that gives herr more ammo to go at me. Ive contemplated not having my partner which I have 2 eautiful daughters with. Split with him just coz mother in law drives me crazy. Advice please xxx! Thank you


Kim December 3, 2015 at 1:59 pm

Oh my! Does this all sound familiar. My husband and I have been married for almost 31 years. Not a marriage she approved of (of course we eloped and the first thing out of her mouth was “is she pregnant”, which I was not). It has been a long and bumpy road with her. From “ruining” her birthday party because my mom and sister came (had asked father in law if it would be ok to have them there so I had someone to talk to since I didn’t know any of her friends and was in my early 20’s at the time. of course my sister wasn’t suppose to be there it was suppose to be my dad…so I will give that to her)…this created a big blow up in which she demanded my husband divorce me because I came from the wrong side of the track. That obviously didn’t happen and it was 5 or 6 years before he spoke to his parents again. That was at my insistence and his father apologized to me personally for everything. Speed ahead several years and we can’t even go to dinner and leave without her monopolizing the conversation (she never shuts up) and trash talking everyone around her. Speed ahead several years more and my father in law has aortic value replacement and his health deteriorated quickly. I insisted that he visit as often as we could afford to fly him down to Florida. We received a cryptic email from her stating he wasn’t doing well. My husband had to basically force her to tell him that hospice recommended she get in touch with the kids and it wouldn’t be long. After spending a week with her before the funeral could be arranged due to the holidays I realized what a hateful, vindictive person she really was. She tried to start a fight between her son and wife not 5 minutes after they got there. My husband recently visited her for the thanksgiving holiday and to say the least she had nothing nice to say about me or anyone else for that matter. That was it! I am tired of feeling hurt every time and I’m not dealing with it any more. The husband can see fly to visit her only when we can pay cash for his ticket (which we went into debt getting him there for his dad) and she is not welcome in my home. I have nothing to say to her and want nothing more to do with her. Case resolved!!! Sanity restored!!!


Kim December 3, 2015 at 2:08 pm

BTW…forgot to mention that she tried to enlist the extended family to break us up. The same extended family she wants nothing to do with!!!


sohi December 16, 2015 at 10:50 am

i had a boyfriend during 2003-2007, i was in 20s and did not know what is narcissism. The boy was her GOLDEN CHILD. He always obeyed her commands and she was so proud of that…..but he fell in love with me ( which his mother did not expect ) . She wanted to bring or find the most BEAUTIFUL girl for him…… she started to cry when she heard from him about me. she started to cry even without knowing who i am and how i look like. She commanded him to break up with me which he did not. So she called me by phone bullying me , saying i tricked him to be in the relationship. Her son is too innocent to understand LOVE ( its all my tricks)….. whenever we used to meet she was constantly calling him to get back home. one call in every five minutes…… a lot of things happened, she saw me as a competitor, she was JEALOUS, ….she was angry because losing control on her son………she damaged me mentally, finally I broke up just before our wedding day……many years passed, im 30yr now. But i dont think i have recovered those mental trauma fully.


LG January 24, 2016 at 3:58 pm

I have a narcissistic mil. Been with my husband for 23 years and have one child. I’m not sure what to do- he STILL doesn’t see it. His parents divorced when he was twelve and is the only child. I cannot stand to even look at her. I have tried to be respectful during holidays and family birthdays. But my husband keeps asking her to meet us somewhere without even speaking to me about it. My kid is 13 and I have to stay married until she is out of the house, plus I love my husband. And I do not want to give her the satisfaction of breaking us up. But why is my husband so dumb? Why can’t he see it? He just thinks I am mean. He feels sorry for her- she is alone, living by herself, no real friends, is now retired, and he “feels sorry for her.” Any guidance would be great.


jen February 3, 2016 at 11:48 pm

Eight years living with my nmil, I can write a book about her. She is excellent with lying, manipulating, controlling, directing, keeping secrets, covering up her mistakes. Whenever she talks to me, she put herself on top and I am at the very bottom. Most of the time, after talking to her, I seriously want to commit suicide. She was that bad. She makes me feel miserable, always find my mistakes and then put me down. The worst part is my husband is narcisstic also. I’ve been living with them for so long, I almost turned like them, I nearly treat my own parents like what the’ve done to me.


Glenda February 11, 2016 at 11:11 pm

If you let them bring you down .,they will .I would change the way I participate, stop compling to there demands .live your own life you only get 1.don’t let them take you down.they are not better than you.they are not god ,judge jury .who are they ? I wish you the best .x


Babs55 February 5, 2016 at 4:58 pm

I feel for all of you. But we need to stand strong .I no longer but up with her Shit.if I let her she will I could also right a book. At times I get angry with her and myself when I look back ,angry with my self for letting her speak to me the way she did. it hurts!! Who the hell does she thinks she is!! The tied has turned only because I changed you will never change them it’s who they are! I no longer give a Shit what she thinks of me she can think and say what she likes to me .water off a ducks back .I’m Working on my family’s future they are important to more !!!


Jessie C February 14, 2016 at 2:57 pm

I have been following these posts for weeks after discovering, (after 10 years in my relationship with an ‘Only Son’ realizing this is what I am dealing with. For most of that time I have felt sad, depressed, helpless and rejected and shocked. I am dealing with both a Narcissistic MIL and also a SIL and am also stepmother struggling with the constant technique of everyone being turned against me, for their own selfish benefit (very successful tactic with an ex-wife and stepkids involved). Whenever the ex-wife and I finally make progress in our own relationship, the SIL and MIL befriend her like she were blood and turn her against me again, ruining all hope of creating something meaningful and happy for the children stuck in the middle. Whenever she gets too close, they bring me in and turn against her, poisoning my mind with lies about her, thus keeping us turned against each other and my partner unable to maintain a healthy relationship with the ‘crazy b*tches’ he chooses to have kids with,( thus elevating them to ‘stable, dependable women who provide him with all his emotional needs).

My partner is constantly riding the gauntlet of pleasing me, his Mom, his sister, and his own kids and trying – almost always unsuccessfully to create some balance and harmony of his own doing. The number of times we called them out on their behavior, they tell us it is ‘all in our heads’ and that we are paranoid, or most often, that I have made stories up to my partner, in order to intentionally ruin their family fold.

It’s hard, depressing and crazy-making, but I am thankful that I can put a label on some of this behaviour and find comfort in the fact that every other relationship I have in life is warm, authentic and full of love and mutual respect. The hard part is that I have to live day-today with this particular circle of toxic, manipulative bs, that ironically just intentially ruins our family fold.

My biggest question is why?? Why do people do this? The only person they’re really hurting is my partner/their son and brother, and his kids, after all I can walk away any given time and move on (believe me I think of this often). And even if they had him all to themselves, deep down they would know they did wrong, right? Is it possible these people have no remorse?

Also does anyone feel so crazy, that they are convinced it’s them? I felt like this for years, until my therapist told me my life would be falling apart with people everywhere if it was me with a disorder like this which pulled me back from the brink. I had become convinced that I didn’t know how crazy I was and that I should ultimately remove myself permanently (if you know what I mean).

It’s SO toxic. At least we are not alone.


Annonimous February 16, 2016 at 11:09 am

It’s very toxic .I find my self thinking about her all the time.wodering what’s her game is . What her motives are.most of the time I’m spot on .thing is if I don’t stop and think about what her motives are when she’s planning it means she’s getting her own way .but I will not play her games.I sound pathetic I now .she does my head in .sometimes I feel so crazy.


annoynomous March 14, 2016 at 10:30 am

Ive been dealing with this for 15 yrs. Been married for 30 plus. She is Very toxic if I allow it. I dont allow myself to be with her alone anymore. She Lies and says things and than denies it all.

I feel sorry for people that have gone through their Whole life having to have this dysfunctional behavior. As she is in her mid 70’s.


getoutwhileyoucan February 19, 2016 at 11:36 am

had one of these. going through a divorce now cuz her golden child is an alcoholic cheater but yet she blamed me for this serial cheating. she raised him to be exactly like her although he doesn’t think it. they nEVER do anything wrong. They are smarter than everyone and perfect. i hate my ex MIL more than my ex and want to punch her in the face every time I see her. will laugh when i hear she has died. she was THAT awful to me.


Suzie32 February 26, 2016 at 6:44 pm

Sounds just like my mother in law. Perfectly described.

Seriously people, I don’t take sh** from anyone , not even my own parents.

I am very open and honest with my parents and as a result they have respect for me as an adult.

Parents and inlaws are not God. This is something you need to realise. Stop making excuses for them. Evil is evil.

So basically one day I just told my mother in law the truth.

At the end of the day we are all adults here. If she can’t handle the truth that is her problem.

You have a right to defend yourself and your sanity.

No one has a right to disrespect you, so don’t read all these stupid articles saying you must be nice and ignore it.

Confront the witch and tell her the truth.

Tell her she has issues because she does. Alot of deep issues. It could be from her childhood and or that fact that her husband is an a**hole and she never dealt with it but instead invested all her emotions in her children as a way of avoiding dealing with it. That is why she become a possessive crazy psycho when her children assert their independence because she has to give up the only thing that is keeping her sane.

Tell her she needs psychological help because it is true. She is crazy because no one has the balls to tell her the truth. You are probably the only one.

Her children are probably so used to the abuse that instead of confronting her they just tune out and as a result she has grown to believe that her behaviour is okay.

She probably has a crazy psycho husband too and that is why she is that way. She was too timid to deal with him so she decided to become like him.

I flat out told her that if she sees nothing wrong with her behaviour she needs to keep her distance from me.

Complaining to your husband does nothing. Because she will try to manipulate him with sweet talk and lies.

Show her that you are strong woman and confront the witch and tell her like it is.

Jesus himself said he came to turn mother against daughter , father against son etc.

You have to fight for what it right.

Unfortunately that sometimes means avoiding your own family or cutting them off until they learn to behave.

Alot of people in this life have a god complex and massive egos. They think they run the universe when they don’t. Alot of parents become so obsessed with their power that they become crazy psychos that forget to realise that they have to let go of their children when they become adults.

The bible itself says that a man shall leave his father and mother and CLING to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. You need to push those rude inlaws away. To not do so would be disobeying God’s commands.

I am not pretending to be nice for the sake of keeping peace. That would make you a fake person.

In the bible it says ” if your brother hurts your feelings , you should let him know’

By keeping silent and pretending everything is okay you are being a fake.

The truth hurts.

You are a child of God. He runs things in your life, not your mother in law. That witch has to answer to God for all her evil when she dies.

Don’t accept this crappy childish behaviour under any circumstance. Any adult woman that behaves like this is emotionally immature and has some deep unresolved issues.


Susan April 8, 2016 at 10:31 am

This is the best advice! I did this in the first year of marriage. NMIL or NSIL will never change! Stop hoping things will change! The only hope for change is having zero tolerance for bad behavior! It took me 15 years of marriage to realize this! And looks like we soon will be down to zero contact.


Notmymom March 10, 2016 at 8:42 am

I’ve been married 24 years this year and just now finding out my mother-in-law could be Narcissistic. I have spent the vast majority of My Life trying to get this woman to like me from childhood….”yeah, that’s how long I have known my wife”. I always figured she didn’t like me cause I liked her daughter. Then maybe because we didn’t believe the same things religiously, I was a Catholic growning up, they were “not going to mention”. Later growning up as an adult I thought because we Now shared the same religious beliefs, “Gave my life to Christ” is all I will say. Never had a good relationship with this woman until 2005 when she moved in with My Wife and I it all got terribly worse and it has been going Under Ground ever since.
I have 2 young AA boys I’m trying to be an example for and I feel like I’m fighting an uphill battle because she not only disrespects me on every level whenever she can she does it to them too. How can I teach my sons to grow up and be men when I’m faced with looking like a mouse in front of them by my Monster-in-law and a daughter that is Just Now Telling me Her Husband of 24 years Her mother May have a Mental Condition……Really, you think? I have been told to pray for her, fast for her, do what Jesus would do, then I got the worse advice of all…..”Do what I do” I can’t do that, she’s not my mother, I’m not her son and she makes certain to tell that to me whenever she can……the last heated conversation MIL and I had, she got in my face physically as if to fight me with her fists both balled up. I am fearing for my safety and now the safety of my 2 boys……Any Advice?
If I could afford to put her out and she survive on her own I would do it, but now (They) are making me become Mentally Unstable. Like I’m the one that’s crazy.

Someone please help…..


susan March 11, 2016 at 10:01 am

I believe my daughter has a narcissistic husband as well as her mother in law…who moved in with them. They have a son that is not 13 months old. My husband and I believe that they are allienating him from us. They live in another state. When they got married, we were not invited. Her mother in law had no problem with it… she encouraged her son’s behavior to exclude us. Before they got married, he never came around to get to know us. My daughter told me that when she met him he said “I’m gonna marry that girl” it became his mission that he managed to accomplish. Before they got married, we had gotten into an argument. We were beyond shocked when his mother called us to intervene and defend her son. I knew then something was seriously wrong with her. Just trying to give this group an idea before I explain the allienation his mother and son are doing to my husband and I.

We first met our grandson driving like 15 hours. no we were not invited to stay in their home, so we got a hotel. Of course we were on edge, needless to say we did not feel welcomed. When we talked to him, he NEVER looked us in the eyes, always looked down to talk. I could tell my daughter was very very nervous, so unlike herself. I felt so bad for her. The sad thing is, she doesn’t see it. She has completely changed, and we are so worried about her. Especially now that her mother in law has moved in. Her husband passed away, so within 2 months she left her state and moved in with them. She now takes care of them financially, takes care of her grandson,,, she has control of everything. Now my daughter is being controled of not only her husband, but now her mother in law. Oh, I failed to mention, when my daughter and her husband DID live here, he never came around, it was always a struggle to get my daughter to spend the holidays with us. When she did get to come, her husband would just drop her off, not getting out of the car. Now sense they moved to another state, it is a lot worse. When they came in town they always stayed with his mother, and now that his mother moved to their state, moving in with them, seeing our grandson is so hard to do, because we feel so unwelcome…. NOT by our daughter at all, as we believe now she has to go along with them.

Could anybody reply, maybe give us advise, give us your opinion about why her husband and mother can do this and why? They are controlling my daughter, and she is letting them, and I guess it is because she does not see it for herself…. So worried about her.


Anonymous April 15, 2016 at 7:12 am

This site has helped me so much! I’ve been with my financé for almost 9 years but we still young (30’s). We started dating in our early 20’s and at the time I had no idea what I was getting into. When I first met my future MIL she immediately complimented me on how pretty I was. I was always taught manners, politeness and especially respecting ones older than myself. As he & I began to get serious I started to see a side of her that was definitely a red flag! She constantly made snide comments, was rude, or just wouldn’t even acknowledge me at all at times. When I started explaining this to my fiancé (at the time my boyfriend) he only made excuses saying “don’t take it personally”, “she’s like this with everyone”, “I know she’s rude and crazy but she won’t change anyway”. Of course this all shocked me, but being this was my first time ever dealing with a family dynamic like this I went along with it and tried to kill her with kindness or ignore her hurtful ways like the rest of the family does. But after all these years I cannot just ignore it. It always ends up coming back up on our relationship. Now that I am older & wiser and have gotten to know her after 9 years of dealing with this I am saying no more. Realizing she was a narcissist has helped open my eyes SO much & I feel I have better tools to deal with the situation, although it is not easy by any means! It has been a roller coaster of emotions with my MIL. She will do things like… be overly nice to you, buy you things for your house, compliment you, but then flip and be extremely rude. I see right through her after all of these years and I stand back & watch how she treats other people. It’s bad. My fiancé and I got engaged a few months ago and things have gotten worse since then. No surprise there, right? Every time she sees we are excited about something she makes a rude comment to try and steal our moment & joy away. She has been overbearing and controlling with the wedding planning and everything is always about her. The last straw was my fiancé sent out a group text message to his mom & sister.. I was also included in the message and he explained that we set an actual date and said “we’ll see you there!”. My mother in law quickly replies “maybe”. He says “maybe what?”. Her “maybe I’ll be there or maybe not”. Again! Just trying to steal the joy out of our exciting time. Although this may sound small to some people, after years and years of dealing with someone so negative and draining I’ve had enough. This happened four days ago and since then I’ve decided on a no contact way of dealing with her. My fiancé and I have agreed to a set of boundaries that we will follow when it comes to her. If he would like to maintain and relationship with her that is fine but I have to remove myself for my own sanity & happiness. I had him read this article on nacississtic MIL and after he read it he said “wow this is exactly my mom”. I yelled to myself inside FINALLY! Maybe he’ll start to fully open his eyes and understand that her behavior is not ok! The other problem that we’ve had is that he acknowledges her behavior and comments are wrong but does little to nothing to stand up to her. It’s very frustrating! We are actually thinking of eloping now but had put all wedding talk on the back burner for now until we can make sure we are in a best place possible with our relationship. Although at times I get frustrated with him, I also try and understand that he isn’t in an easy situation either. He’s been manipulated for years, his whole life! It’s hard for him to see his mom for what she really is. I’m trying to be patient but also standing my ground (finally!). I am saying this is no longer ok and I will not accept it into my life anymore. Obviously this is new but I can only hope that MAYBE, eventually she’ll back off. If she wants to keep a relationship with her son she should take what she can get, but as far as having control over our lives anymore? No more.


Babs 55 April 15, 2016 at 9:06 am

If you let her ,she will .my mother in law has backed off 15 years later because I changed .I no longer put up with her Shit .im sure she will try again .I will never put my quard down. I don’t trust her and never will !!


Babs 55 April 16, 2016 at 1:16 am

But why do I feel so bad?


Desperate May 6, 2016 at 10:21 am

As a Registered Psychiatric Nurse I knew that something wasn’t quiet right with how my ‘then boyfriend’ was being treated? It wasn’t until I got married that the true colors and story came out! I have never PERSONALLY experienced a Narcissistic Personality Disorder, nevermind my Mother-In-Law! This is crazy and I just might end up in the Psych. ward as a divorced woman. I can relate and agree, unfortunately, to every story and article I have read. My husband has the right idea of setting boundaries, but eventually returns to allowing the lines being crossed – and then we are back to square one. I can control my actions and boundaries with this woman, but making him see the light time and time is HARD! He is SO manipulated and mistreated by her that it makes me cry for his great soul. He is 45 years of age already, but it’s like everyone in that family is under the age of 8 and his Mother is under 2 with her behavior. The 8yr olds need to take care of the 2 yr old. I am in shock over this. I am hoping that with my firm low low contact boundary setting that my husband and MIL will get the point. Please if anyone out there is or has gone through this with their spouse I would love to hear your feedback. I will take any advice on the subject. I love my husband with all my heart and soul, and I’m hoping my strength will give him strength. PS… When she mistreats and disrespects me at the deepest level of bringing up my Mother (who was murdered by her boyfriend when I was 19yrs old)….well I just can’t stomach such LOSERS – Mentally ill or not! Thank you for letting me vent, and please give me suggestions.


anonymous June 22, 2016 at 12:31 pm

So my TMIL has been a great strain on my and my fiance’s life together. This article really helped me in how I view her. She did exactly everything this article said: very sweet in the beginning, then when we got engaged she became a bit more aloof, and when we started talking wedding dates, she and her husband went bat-shit crazy. I’ve been accused of beating their daughter, brainwashing her against her parents, of cheating on her (they have lied and told her they had proof, but couldn’t produce any), they called my parents and demanded to know what their financial status was: how much was in their checking account, or what was in my father’s pension etc. Her mother has said that I’m not much of a man because I have a disability rating from my days in the national guard. The other day, I made a mistake and let her get the best of me. After 1 and a half years of keeping my mouth shut and being civil (while also defending my fiance) I threw the family secret in her face. When my fiance and her sister were little, their father molested them. my NMIL found out…but did nothing. They instead, sat down the girls when they were older and had various family discussions on it and told them “everything’s fine now, you can only trust family.” THey intimated that telling ANYONE would be a betrayal of trust, and you’re hurting the whole family. They even heavily implied that if anyone, they might kill themselves from the shame. Well, I didnt believe a word of it so with her parents on speaker phone, and after being called a pathological liar I said, with my fiance’s permission, “Nancy…let me ask you a question and see if you can answer honestly…has your husband ever molested your daighters?” She outright said “no” and my fiance lost her mind saying “are you joking? I had to get help for that!” to which her mother deflected “you need to get help because of this relationship you’re in!” and we hung up. I was sorry that it hurt my fiance but I am not sorry I said it. The rest of the night, she was worried her parents killed themselves. What email did she get the next morning? One that sounded like everything was back to normal and that “if she feels better” they should get together. But then added that I never should have brought up the molestation. So now, my fiance is realizing that her mother is not well, that her father is a predator and that their relationship isnt healthy. I want her to have a relationship with her parents (because she DOES love them…much to my surprise) but not at the expense of our lives.


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