Narcissistic Mother-in-Law

by Michelle Piper

What if you come to the realization you have a narcissistic mother-in-law? If you have a narcissistic mother, you already know dealing with her can be more taxing and harder than dealing with anyone else. But what happens when you marry into it?How are you supposed to deal with a narcissistic mother-in-law? You’re not even biologically programmed to love this woman, yet you may feel you have to put up with her because your spouse does.

When you first meet your narcissistic mother-in-law to be, she may act charming, witty, and like she’s genuinely interested in you and your life. In reality, it may be she only wants to deepen the relationship between the two of you in order to use your trust and confidence against you or your spouse later.

She’s a master manipulator and knows what to say and do to make you think she really cares and/or to plant the seed of doubt.

There’s nothing authentic about a narcissistic mother-in-law. They’ve been operators and controllers since childhood, perfecting their craft as they aged.

It may not be until the relationship between you and your partner gets serious, or even until marriage, that you start to feel her wrath. She may see you as competition, vying for control over her child’s love, loyalty and attention.

Narcissistic mother-in-laws are bragging, nagging, intruding, competitive, and defeating people. The boundary-less relationship she likely had with her child is now tarnished because you’ve come into the picture and taken her narcissistic supply away.

When I think about this topic, I think of the movie Monster-In-Law, starring Jane Fonda and Jennifer Lopez. Jane Fonda plays a successful TV host, a divorcee several times over, and the mother to a son who falls in love with Jennifer Lopez’s character.

When this happens, Fonda’s character is extremely nice and fake to the woman her son is dating. But as soon as she finds out they are getting married, BOOM, Fonda does everything in her power to try to get rid of her.

Her son was her golden child, the one who could do no wrong in her eyes and only deserved the best. Many times with a narcissistic mother, the golden child is a son. If this golden child grows up and ends up being the partner you fall in love with, this could be a serious problem. Unfortunately, no partner may ever be good enough for a golden child.

In the movie, her son never saw the evil and manipulative side of her, but it was there all right. The couple’s relationship almost got to the point of a break up right before the wedding until Fonda’s character has a sudden change of heart and agrees not to interfere with the relationship anymore.

That last part is, of course, the Hollywood happy ending the audience waits for. In the real world, not the one on the big screen, this is definitely not a typical case. The damage of a narcissistic mother-in-law opens wounds for years to come.

From the narcissistic mother-in-law’s perspective, “giving away” her child to be with an adult partner isn’t an option. If that child was her mirror or golden child, the perceived loss can be excruciating to the narcissistic mother-in-law and she’ll feel threatened.

In contrast, if her child was in the scapegoat role, you’re going to hear about it and she’ll try to enlist you against her adult child.

If your partner was in the lost child role, she may resent that you are “distracting the family” from her or her other, golden child, with your marriage ceremony, your children and so forth. How dare you steal the spotlight with your normal life?

Whatever the role your NMIL put your partner in, you and your spouse will need to show a united front in arguments and disagreements between you and your narcissistic mother-in-law. Your partner relationship will be only as strong as the values you mutually agree to maintain. Whoever affronts them, mother or not, simply cannot be trusted if you wish to protect your intimate bond.

If your spouse isn’t yet aware he or she has a narcissistic parent refrain from talking about her flaws without clear examples of the negative behavior. Initially, your spouse may have difficulty seeing the dysfunctional behavior because, to survive a narcissistic mother in the first place, your partner may have overused coping strategies like “minimizing” or “denying” his or her parent was abusive.

Set limits with her and make sure your spouse is aware and agrees to these limits. Remember, she is emotionally very young, and like a child will test your boundaries. Decide together what role your narcissistic mother-in-law is going to play in your new lives.

If she can, your narcissistic mother-in-law will nitpick at everything you do, from how you spend your resources like money and time, to how you keep your house to how you raise your kids. She wants a say in everything and is a master at getting into your personal space.

Even when limits are put into place, it may not stop her from overstepping your boundaries. If things do not change, you and your spouse may need to strictly limit interactions with her (low contact) or completely sever them (no contact).

In a normal family, tensions usually ease or are at least tolerated over time. You were probably not raised the same way as your spouse nor did you grow up with the same values, beliefs, and family issues and problems. Getting married means accepting differences and making each other better people. When it comes to a narcissistic mother-in-law, however, you and your spouse are expected to make unreasonable concessions.

In a narcissistic family system, issues are more difficult to overcome because the less functional a family, the more rigidly it holds onto old, unproductive patterns.

Be aware of your narcissistic mother-in-law’s history in order to better defend against her manipulations. Narcissists are toxic but predictable. If you observe her dysfunction with a studied eye, you and your spouse can effectively strategize against her repetitive boundary violations and unrealistic expectations.

The motivation for her narcissistic behavior may be the result of a myriad of causes which can hint at future inappropriate behavior. She may have been spoiled or overindulged when she was a child.

She may be the product of narcissistic parenting, perhaps the daughter of a narcissistic mother herself, and was only loved conditionally based on achievements and performance. Her toxic behavior could also be due to some form of abuse or neglect as a child and her narcissism resulted as a defense mechanism to it all.

Knowing her history doesn’t excuse her hurtful actions but can better equip you to protect you, your spouse and children from her.

Unlike her, you are capable of being empathetic. You can walk in another person’s shoes and take a look from their perspective.

Although there are ways of confronting your narcissistic mother-in-law in a fair way to set limits, normal limit setting may not be enough to curb the toxic behavior of a NMIL.

As a reasonable person, you’ll usually first attempt the gentle boundary setting which has worked with mentally healthy people throughout your life, but eventually be forced by the pathology of the NMIL to go to greater lengths like low or no contact to protect your relationship against the bizarre violation of the healthy boundaries you and your partner have established. Decide on the amount of phone calls, visits, and exposure to her that you and your family receive.

Don’t take what she says to heart as she can only reflect back a distorted view of others due to her own impairment and her perceptions of you will be flawed.

As a couple, discuss your limits and boundaries regarding your NMIL. Then, set them in order to decrease the likelihood your narcissistic mother-in-law will hurt your relationship or the ones you love.

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{ 121 comments… read them below or add one }

netbooster July 20, 2013 at 9:33 am

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Katrina August 13, 2013 at 8:04 am

I am SO glad to have found this site. I am going to apologize now for the INSANE length of this post. But I need some help. My MIL and I started off well. She was friendly and seemed to really care for her family. Over time I noticed that she is overly involved in all her children’s lives. My husband, Dan is the oldest of three. He has a young brother and sister. My biggest issue with my MIL is not her dislike of my personal style and taste (in clothing, house decor, jewelry etc), it’s not her strong, immovable opinions on social, political or cultural issues or how blatantly offensive they can be, it’s not even her annoying know-it-all attitude (apparently having access to google makes her an expert on all topics including the world of medicine, health, nutrition, finances, etc) what bothers me the most is her inability to allow ANYONE in her life to live their lives in a manner that is different from what she believes they should do. She criticizes everything I do from the way I pay my credit card bills, to the kind of milk I drink.

I am lucky though. My husband, Dan, realizes that she is insane. He frequently comments about how nuts she is and how he HATES it when she tries to tell him, a 33 year old MAN, what to do. I’m also lucky in that the rest of the family, my SILs and my FIL also recognize how nuts she is. Some of the extended family on his side has complained to me about her for years, telling me how much they can’t stand her. I used to feel bad for her but now I completely understand. So fortunately I have a support system within the family.

Since I realized recently that my MIL actually does fit the definition of NPD and is not simply an intrusive, cocky know-it-all that is overly involved in the lives of her children, I have been struggling with what to do with this information. My husband’s entire family, extended and all, is like mine, very large, very loud and very close. So when I read about people having to cut their MILs out of their lives, I know that is not an option for me, and I don’t want it to be as I enjoy my husband’s family very much. I just need to figure out how to deal with my MIL in the best way possible.

Recently, there was an incident. Not the first time she made me feel bad about myself or irritated with her, but the first time she yelled at me for a life choice that has nothing to do with her. My husband and I have been together for almost 7 years, married for only 6 months. I have been involved with the family for 6 years, so I’m not new to them. Neither is my position on having children. I don’t want them. Neither does my husband. We have not been shy about sharing this position as neither of us feel there is anything shameful or wrong about our choice. For YEARS, I have had people telling me I will change my mind and be popping out kids by the dozens by the time I’m 35. To be honest, it gets annoying that people are so willing to discard my plans for my own life. My MIL is the WORST when it comes to this. Dan and I have BOTH said MANY times TO HER FACE that we will not be procreating.

So back to the incident; Dan’s immediate family and his one aunt were over at his parents’ beach house and we were all enjoying dinner. SisterIL went inside to change, and aunt and MIL and were inside talking. I brought in the plates while the men cleaned up outside. MIL and aunt were discussing some cousins who recently had kids but whose parents were constantly watching the babies. MIL and aunt said they thought this was not appropriate, I figured I may gain some points by agreeing with my MIL and saying “yeah it seems to me that people have kids because they want to spend time with kids. That’s why I’m not having any, because I don’t want to spend time with them.” Aunt and I started talking about this and she asked if Dan felt the same way. I said that he did, because it is the truth. Then my MIL, who was at this point one drink away from drowning in her own martini, turns to me and yells “No, Dan would like a family. You manipulate him and because he loves you, he listens”. All this was said while she was pointing her finger at me as though I was a puppy who just peed on the floor. Knowing her level of intoxication as well as her inability to accept different lifestyles from her own, I decided it was better to refrain from engaging with her. I simply said “I am not commenting on that” and went to walk outside to join the men. She of COURSE sniped back “That’s right, don’t comment. I know my son”. I have never been so upset or hurt by her before, and unfortunately, the men saw the look on my face and probably heard her volume but not her words. They all asked if I had been “Jilled” (MIL’s name is Jill, and yes we all frequently refer to her personality, treatments and behaviors etc in this way). I said I had and that it was bad but I said I didn’t want to cause drama and so I did not go into detail, despite their many requests to tell them. I knew if I had told them, all three men would have ripped her apart and I didn’t want all that drama.

I did tell my husband later that evening when we were going out to meet up with some friends. He was LIVID. I have never heard him use such foul language to refer to his mother. While I was relieved to have him on my side, I don’t care for drama and I knew this would be a huge issue. He wanted to leave the beach immediately, despite the fact that we were planning to stay for another day. I convinced him to stay the night but we got up and left before anyone was up the next morning. He didn’t want to be around her and I wasn’t going to try and stop him from leaving. On our way home his dad texted him “why???” referring to his sudden departure, as the two had planned to go surfing. I also got a text from his mother. In true NPD form, she gave me this BS apology; “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings. I just know that family is very important to Dan and I feel he would like having one. I think you both would be great parents. I love you both”. I responded thanking her for the apology, even though it was kind of BS and said we would see her in two weeks, the next time we planned to be at the beach. I’m still irritated by this comment for the following reasons: 1. She did not apologize for saying what she said, merely my overly sensitive reaction, which is how I’m sure she phrased it to others. 2. Saying family is important to Dan, but mentioning nothing of my closeness with family leaves me feeling like she thinks that I do not feel that family is important. Family is very important to me, but as a daughter, a sister, a cousin, a niece and an aunt. My role in family is there just without a baby on my hip. 3. She STILL seems to be ignoring her son’s self-proclaimed desires to remain childless, which means she continues to blame me.

He has yet to speak to her. This LITERALLY just happened a few days ago. He has not yet spoken to her. But he HAS spoken with his father. I don’t know what was discussed and I don’t want to intrude so I haven’t asked. I do want for him to speak with her and tell her himself how upset he was by this. I KNOW she won’t believe it from anyone else; she may not even believe it from him and will probably think that I was the one who made us leave early and that I put words into his mouth.

I know cutting this woman out is not an option, and I am truly OK with that as I love the rest of his family and enjoy spending time with them. I have already decided that the best way for me to remain sane will be to abide by the following guidelines: 1. avoid being alone with her at all times and if that is not possible become overly engaged in an activity like a book (unfortunately, history has shown me that even when I’m reading she NEVER STOPS TALKING). 2. when with her and the other family members, try and be more engaged with them, but make a point not to ignore her as that will be an issue. 3. don’t comment on her insane opinions, rants, views. 4. when she tries to tell me or Dan what to do, instead of tell her to shove it like I desperately want, simply smile and say “that’s interesting, we’ll give that some thought”. 5. Avoid talking to her about ANY life decision, from what kind of art to put on the walls to what doctors to use. Obviously, I want to avoid the topic of our choice to remain childless, but I feel like it will come up again.

I am seeking advice as to how else I can navigate through this relationship with minimal desires to slit my own wrists or ring my MILs neck. Help please!!!!


Anonymous November 11, 2013 at 11:13 am

I can relate to the “apology” from MIL that isn’t really a true apology for her behavior. She says “I’m sorry you took it that way. I’m not responsible for your perceptions.” Hahaha. Maddening.


Anonymous March 9, 2014 at 8:16 am

Update, please! I’m in a very similar situation&am wondering how things are now??


Sue December 17, 2013 at 6:16 am

You can restrict contact with this woman. You can set the rules and boundaries. If she decides to overstep them you can set sanctions.
You can’t expect a narcissist to see your viewpoint, we are all non persons to them. They can barely define themselves. No boundsries for them. They won’t respect your rules or life choices, but that doesn’t say you can’t draw the line and exclude them if they put their toe over it.
I can say I’ve witnessed the narcissistic Mother in Law in all their glory, moods, games, manipulations. You have an advantage here, your partner/husband is on your side. I promise you that is worth it’s weight in relationship gold.
It is very difficult not to get riled by the NMIL but if she keeps up the blah blah blah onbabies your home, your choices, you could try, a thanks for your opinion, but we have made our minds up, end of discussion. If shevtrues to bring it back around again,repeat, end of, or I’m out of here, ir I’ll have to ask you to leave if you keep this up. Sounds tough. I can only say tough was the only thjng that worked for me. Best to have a united front between you andyour husband. My husband is 60 years old and has only just admitted his mummy will always come first no matter what and he’s finally understood why I set tough boundaries.


Manda February 26, 2014 at 2:39 am

I’m beginning to wonder if our MIL’s are related in some way? It’s weird, because my fiance’s family has a huge problem with his mother being a narcissist too. Her granddaughter and great granddaughter seem to think that she’s a wonderful, loving, and giving woman, but they don’t live with her, and they don’t know her like my fiance and I do. They “admire” that my fiance and I are “helping her and taking care of her” but little do they know, we’re not really willing participants in her demanding lifestyle. They’re the only two in the family that haven’t seen her true colors. All 3 know that I have my tubes tied, and I plan of getting a hysterectomy, and they know that my fiance DOES NOT want anymore children (I have 2 from another man, and he has a son from another woman……, plus he believes he’s too old and ugly, so he doesn’t want an “ugly” baby…….he’s 41 and I’m 35……….not to brag, but he used to be a male model in his younger days, so he’s definitely NOT ugly), but they keep bugging us to have a child together. I would like to have one child with him, but since he’s dead set on NO MORE children, I respect his wishes. Plus with me needing a hysterectomy due to health issues I’m going through, I don’t need to have anymore children. She doesn’t make me feel like crap about our decision, but when she brings it up to my fiance, he has to leave the room before he flies off the handle on her. Seriously, don’t slit your wrist just because your NMIL is difficult and a nut case. She’s not worth it. I don’t know you, but I have the same violent urges towards my NMILTB. I’ve pictured myself grabbing a fistful of her hair and tug roughly from side to side and back and forth while my other free hand is slapping her face. When she bends over in front of me, I have an urge to push her forward. I’ll never act out my urges, because she’s not worth prison time and losing my fiance and daughters over. But I do have a strong feeling that a nose to nose scream fest is brewing and it’s going to happen soon, because she just can’t contain her narcissist behavior. She doesn’t want to and she admits that she “can’t help it”. She thrives on being a narcissist and a gold digger. One day, she said to me “I feel guilty spending my own money, because I get buyers remorse, but I don’t feel guilty for spending other peoples money” Her own son (my fiance) is sick of his mother, but knows she’s in her 70′s and doesn’t want either of us to be the reason why she has a heart attack by going off on her. I wish other members of her family would step in and help out, because my fiance and I can’t keep doing everything for her like she likes us to. I’m sorry you and your husband are having a hard time with his mother, but it all works out in the end that the rest of his family loves and adores you. I wish I had better advice than don’t cut yourself of strangle her…………….maybe you and I should try this one………..ignoring them and not giving them the satisfaction of more ammunition against us. If they want to act like children, then we should ignore them and not give in to their bad behavior. I know, easier said than done.


Sheila August 14, 2013 at 7:45 pm

Hi Katrina,

Welcome. I understand where you are coming from as my own MIL also does not allow others to live their lives differently from her. Even if I did things exactly how she wants them done, I still don’t feel it would be enough to make things better between us. I could write a book on the stuff she has put me through & how I’ve struggled to establish my own identity (& family unit) separate from her (or how she did things). My DH also has a younger brother & sister. I married the oldest of MIL’s children. Sometimes I wish my MIL would learn to understand we are NOT robots or carbon copies of herself. We are HUMAN BEINGS with rights to our own lives, rights to make our own decisions, etc. I’ve been dealing with my own MIL for 20 plus years & do not have the option of cutting her out of my life. Over time, I’ve learned to “manage” her behaviour. Though at 40 something, I’m doing far better than I did at 20 something. I recently came across a book (downloaded to my Iphone) which I thought was an excellent book to read. You can also download a sample of the book to an electronic reader, or read a sample of the book online. It’s not about Narcissism, however, it focuses on the Mother In Law & Daughter In Law relationship. Though I often think “what relationship??!!”. The book is called “Reluctantly Related” by Deanna Brann. I couldn’t put the book down & did a lot of highlighting throughout this book. I downloaded it because it got excellent reviews online. My MIL will never end the war she started me. I’m stronger than that war as I know I’m a tough one to bring down & conquer. I will never give up because I know that’s what she possibly desires. My MIL probably desires for me to give up & walk away. I would also look up some other books Michelle Piper has posted in the “READING LIST” section of this website. I did look those up & purchased a few books for my Iphone. I was particularly interested in the book called, “Why Is It Always About You?: The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism” which deals specifically with narcissism. What an amazing book! Even after 20 some years, I’m still learning that we can heal from the havoc these kinds of people create in our lives. Naturally, these people can’t hurt us when we heal from the hurt they have caused us. Sometimes I don’t think we realize just how much power we actually hold. I find it most comforting to know there are others out there who have struggled along with me. It’s amazing how many personal stories are so much like my own. I do wish each & every one of you the best in your healing journey.


Penelope August 23, 2013 at 7:13 pm

This article is spot on with my MIL, but I have to add my MIL is a hoarder, living in very filthy conditions. My husband wants to move close to his family but I am pregnant and I rather stay away from her. He does not believe me when I tell him the things she calls me or does to me so I gave up, I set limits with her and was able to not let her insult me as much as she used to. I was never rude, or even raised my voice but I set the limits.
The problem is that I am pregnant and I do not want to be close to her. I do not want her anywhere near my child. My husband says she can watch the baby but I would never leave my child in that filthy place. I thought I was in better control of this situation but moving there would be hell for me and I do not want to expose my child to that toxic environment. She has issues with everybody in the family but manipulates and control her husband and my husband in a way it is pretty disgusting.


Anonymous March 9, 2014 at 8:13 am

Don’t move! And if you must…don’t leave your baby with her!


Anonymous March 9, 2014 at 8:14 am

PS…seeing know this was months ago. How are things now??


Liz August 31, 2013 at 8:44 am

My husband and I both have narcissistic mothers. The best thing you can do is have as little contact as possible. You can’t really have a relationship with a narcissist anyway. We are all players in their life dramas that they write and direct. Your job is to follow their script. Whether that is having a certain job, marrying a certain kind of person, going to a certain church, producing certain kinds (and the correct number) of grandchildren, or failing miserably at all of those, you’d better follow the script she wrote for you. I was supposed to be the failure of my mother’s 5 children but it didn’t work out that way. I moved 400 miles away to go to college (which was never part of her plan for me- I wasn’t “college material”), worked hard and now have a successful career and family, which confounds her to no end. I visit her and talk to her as little as possible, and the moment she acts out, I put her on notice that if she wants to see her granddaughter she’d better knock it off, and it usually works. My husband’s mother and I do not speak, and have not for 3 years despite the fact that she lives next door. She’s been married 8 times and is always looking for the next fool to pay her bills, and now that she’s over 60, it isn’t so easy. She accused me of trying to steal her house when my husband and I bailed her out of losing her home, due to her reckless spending and using her house as an ATM before the 2008 crash. After I went no contact she demanded to my husband that I speak to her, and he told her “sorry, you made your own bed.” She then suggested family therapy, which I laughed off as it would just provide her with a stage to act out another drama where she plays the starring role as a tragic victim. If you have a narcissistic mother the best thing you can do is get therapy for yourself so you can come to grips with who she is (and learn how to deconstruct the lies she’s probably led you to believe about yourself) and be in a place where you are financially and emotionally independent from her. At that point the game is up for her.


Lilly September 1, 2013 at 11:31 am

“It may not be until the relationship between you and your partner gets serious, or even until marriage, that you start to feel her wrath.” My MIL didn’t start crap with me until I got engaged. I tried to be nice to her without giving in on every little thing, but she just got worse and worse.
“Even when limits are put into place, it may not stop her from overstepping your boundaries.” Oh boy, can I relate to that. My MIL acted like my wedding was all about her, as if she were the host. My husband and I are the ones who paid, I was the one who planned, she wasn’t helpful (except for the ways I let her think she was “helping”), and it was only through my graciousness that she had any part of it at all. Now I’m pregnant, and of course even though I’m older and this is my first (and possibly only) child, it’s all about her grandchild being born. Oh please. She expects to be in the delivery room!! Seriously, there is no way in hell that is happening. She expected to be seated at the same table with me at my baby shower…um, a shower thrown by my sisters and good friend, paid for by them (even though MIL is loaded – my sisters and friend earned their money working hard, standing up, btw), and MIL had not even offered to pay or help with anything, yet she expected to be treated like she was the most important person in the room? Bitch needs to get over herself.


Irene September 13, 2013 at 7:58 am

I would like to receive your free e-book, 7 Steps to Recovering from a Narcissistic Mother. Although, in my case it is my mother-in-law who thinks she has the need to know everything going on in our marriage and children’s lives. I have been married for 32+ yrs. and the worst was my in-laws paying my husband $7,000 to divorce me in 2006 without any of them ever talking to me about anything. We had a yr. of counseling and lots of other life challenges and now we are back to husband not talking to me and still talking to his Mother about everything that goes on in our “family”. I am tired. Husband will never understand the need for boundaries in marriage even though we addressed this with counselor. Mother-in-law wrote a letter when we were in counseling explaining their decision to end our marriage but never apologized or admitted any wrong doing. Our counselor noted this wasn’t right and tried to explain boundaries to my husband. Still don’t think he gets it and the permanent pain this causes. I don’t hate and try to forgive but I can’t forget and trust is very difficult. I don’t feel emotional intimacy with husband as he doesn’t talk to me with respect or concern. There is no private place for us to be a couple.


Sally September 21, 2013 at 8:39 am

I have lived many years with a narcissitic MIL in the same town! In the beginning things seemed to go well. She seemed very nice and caring until I began to notice just how self absorbed she is. Bottom line….. it’s all about her and her own family. And anyone she can reel in to believe how very spiritual she is, and how wonderful, and yes, how all knowing. She also would like others to know how very wonderful her own family is. On the outside that is. She is a master at dividing from within. Always disparaging someone and playing people against each other. That’s her modus operandi if you will. My husband is the oldest of her large family. Since my father-in-law passed away, he has been a great caretaker of his mother. I feel he’s handled it within reason. But.. I don’t think he really understands why I don’t prefer to be around my MIL. He would rather avoid conflict or any conversations that might lead to discovering just what is bothering me. Since we raised our family in the same town as my in laws, it’s been even more challenging. My MIL prides herself in being this amazing grandmother. Well, she could be in some ways but what they never realized is that she played them too. My children are grown now and live away. They insist on inviting my MIL to their children’s events long distance and my husband and I then have to travel with her. I could understand if they lived in town and were inviting her. That would make sense to me. She wouldn’t dream of saying no or even think that maybe it was my husband’s and my turn to be the grandparents.(it isn’t possible for a narcissit to empathize) It is always about her. My husband wouldn’t think of it either as she’s always been center stage and expects to be “Grandma”. I feel she is very transparent and I’ve never subscribed to her religious babble particularly because she’ll turn right around and tear down someone she is supposed to love. She really is one of the most hypocritical people I have ever met and it’s hard to stand by and watch her perform. It took me a long time to put a finger on what might be wrong. I blamed myself and am still struggling with how to deal with my MIL sometimes. It isn’t an option just to cut her off but I do spend very little time with her even though we live in the same town. Being in a family with someone like this makes it that much harder. I advise all to stay busy with your own lives, seek counseling when necessary, and “detach” as much as possible for your sanity.


Anonymous November 11, 2013 at 9:08 am

Wow, this sounds just like my situation with my mother in law…you are not alone.


Tammy September 22, 2013 at 10:48 pm

I too deal with a narcissistic MIL. I find my biggest struggle is with my husband not being able to set boundaries. His father enables his mother’s behaviour and in their family mother’s behaviour is always excused. Like many of you, my MIL seemed ok for a while, then we got engaged (still ok). It was when we purchased our appartment that I started to see the truth of her.
11years later we are still dealing with her behaviour. My hubby has an inability to tell her no as she throws temper-tantrums to get her way. I have tried setting boundaries (ie-she can not call and tell us she is in the area and coming by) but when dealing with his mother he can not follow-through with anything.
We have 3 small children and I had told him before we had kids that I would NEVER allow his parents to babysit as there are major safety concerns (his mother believes that she should not have to move dangerous substances-medications, bleach, hydrogen peroxide-when the kids are around), and this is a frequent source of conflict for us as well. I have often considered divorce but, since I can’t/won’t keep the children from him and I can’t control where he takes them if we are divorced, I feel I have to stay with him until either his mother passes away (and we can figure out if there is a relationship left under the rubble) or the children are old enough to keep themselves physically safe around her.
I don’t know how to continue to deal with her and retain my sanity, I wish that I had a way to cut all ties with this woman, but unfortunately unless he suddenly realizes (yeah right) what kind of a person his mother is I am between a rock and a hard place.


Anonymous October 31, 2013 at 2:18 pm

Wow, that’s seriously rough. My spouse has recently come to recognize and face-down my in-law’s narcissistic disorder, and already my life feels entirely changed. At last I feel set free to speak the truth, be angry about inappropriate behavior, and stop protecting/enabling. We are ratcheting down contact and becoming our own people, separate from them. But it all started with my spouse seeing things as they are–actually, it was about finally deciding that the hell which would follow setting boundaries was WORTH it compared to the cost of *not* setting them. Maybe your husband could benefit from a long hard look at what the consequences are of his non-action. Maybe he doesn’t fully understand that he is throwing away his marriage and a happy future as a father. Just a thought. Perhaps you’ve already thought about “showing him the bill” but in case not, I thought I’d mention it.

Best wishes!


Sue December 17, 2013 at 5:54 am

Well done you for setting boundaries. It is the one thing daughter’s in law can do in the face of an nmil and their family. It is tough when you have fallen for a son or daughter of a narcissitic mother. You are 100% right to protect your own family from the narcissist. I only allowed contact with the grandparents as long as mil wasn’t left in charge. Although my father in law was dominated by her, he
Once I had realised what a tough time my husband had had growing up in an abusive household and he was so messed up I could better understand why he in turn abused me. His mother commanded it, he did as he was told in the vain hope she would say well done and love him. Sadly that will never happen as she is completely self absorbed and the rest if the world only exists to meet her needs. On loyalty he is the one between a rock and a hard place. He has his family, wife, chikdren to love and protect on one side and his mother who demands 100% loyalty and to prove it she demands he hurts the family he set up in marriage.
I have no contact with his mother. He objected to this st first because it might upset her. Then he tried to persuadd me to go to a family get together to celebrate her birthday. As she had never failed to use any contact to cause trouble, I stuck to my no contact plan. NMIL didn’t miss me one bit. It’s telling that most of her other family members have fallen out with her because she’s caused trouble over the years. The only ones who visit or speak to her are her daughter and son, the ones she abused the most. Sadly they are still trapped in the wdb, my husband hoping he will find favour and my sister in law because she is loyal to the memory of her dad and thjnks it’s what he’d want. But it hurts her that he didn’t protect her from thd physicsl and emotional abuse she suffered at the hands of her mother.
You have the measure of your mother in law and the safety of your family as priority. It’s not easy to make the stand and maintain it, but you have taken tge step, the hardest patt of the battle. No matter what mil ssys or pressure from others to back down, you know you made the right choice. It’s tough but you will come out stringer for it, all the best


hazel fernandes November 17, 2013 at 11:52 am

I find this article very interesting. NMILs are very difficult. Speaking through experience!


Sue December 16, 2013 at 8:18 pm

Having read the blog and many of the comments, my heart goes out to you as fellow daughters in law or partners who have a nmil in common.
It took me a long time to ake sense of the behaviour of my mother in law, but not before I’d experienced the awful dysfunctional effect of her and the family I married into. My father in law was a decent enough man who was in his work life a senior manager, at home he was her total slave. She commanded that he and my husband, her son to yell at Sometimes she did it for attentio, 0n, sometimes for fun. She even encouraged her son
to physically abuse me. It happened once but I threatened him with the police and it stopped. His mother physically abused her daughter, knocked her out cold on one occaision for being defiant. Both parents neglected to seek medical tretment for 3 days after their daughter broke her arm whilst they were on holiday. She was only 7 years old but was told off for spoiling the holiday.
On a family holiday that myself and young daughter went on with them, I witnessed their strange behaviour first hand. My daughter , their only grandchild became ill. I asked to be driven to the doctors, but they flstly refused saying I was making a fuss and upsetiing granny. Even my husband defended them and in the end I put my daughter in ger buggy and walked to the nearest medical centre. They gave ger antibiotucs for a throat infection and calpol for her temprature. Two days later motger in law demanded to go to a medical centre saying she felt ill, and she was rushed off, a fortune spent on her, nothing wrong with her. I was as good as told it was my fault for upsetting her by making a fuss of my daugher.
Mother in law has been behind many upsets, so I refuse to have any contact with her. If I haven’t been in her company or spoken on the phone it would be impossible for me to have been ‘nasty’ to her. I’ve had 3 years of no problems and fsr fewer upsets between my husband and I.


Maggie December 17, 2013 at 1:55 pm

This is so common!!! The closet abusers, don’t tell, that was the three days!! Narcissists in general, don’t emphatize with the needs of others. Destructive!!!

If they were sick, they want the all the attention, but care nothing about another’s needs.

Your mother in law lacked nurturing as a child, so through your daughter she makes herself the center of attention with fake illness, aka drama..Wants what she has, its twisted!!!! No boundaries.

Very destructive to others as well themselves. Sue have you ever wondered what kind of parenting your MIL had herself with her parents. Wanna bet, none!! She appears to be a very bitter, self/centered person. I have stayed away from my NMIL for over five years.

Best think I have ever done. The least they know about you the better! If its good, they tear it all down, if its bad, they just kick the dog down more. Narcissists are predators that seek and love vulnerability. No compassion, and lie, lie lie. It gives them pleasure.


Maggie December 30, 2013 at 2:25 pm

As the saga continues…With NMIL..This Christmas was another game played. My hubby stated that his Mother called him, asking if our son’s address was the same to send them Christmas presents. I sensed something. She does things with agendas and schemes.

Holidays are the perfect time for her, ESPECIALLY if her sons didn’t especially spend it with her personally as a whole. She lives 12 hours away. Needless to say, we spent it with our son and family.

Our son lives a distance from us also, about three to four hours away, maybe six hinging on traffic. Anyway, last year she sent all the gifts to our son to us to give to him. Our son left her gifts to them for last.

We were not even thinking of her gifts to us, since its a time of giving, we were not focused or keeping track of who we were receiving from, until we did. Our son passed something to his dad, my hubby, he was nervous about it?

I wasn’t paying attention until my hubby passed something to me. I just glanced at my son’s facial expressions, as to a bit of stress. My hubby passed a card to me, in it was a gift card to one of my hubbys favorite restaurants to both of us.

I looked at it and said, oh nice. Later I realized she had sent our gifts to our son’s house this time. I told my hubby our son looked nervous, he said, I caught that, what was that about?

I said, your mom putting him in the middle and attempting to play you and him against each other. I laughed because , I said, you called her immediately. lol I am laughing because my hubby was not in control or the head of the family or felt like so.

I said, of course he should call his family if there not there for good wishes and cheer. But I said, shes always playing a game to get the attention she seeks no matter what. My hubby said, its all about control. I said, exactly, but you give it to her.

I don’t care but everything that is sent or mailed, is some sort of bizarre attempt to cause discord between us. Shes failed with us, so now shes using our son and family.

I personally can’t stand the woman, and she writes in the card, love you to both of us? Narcississts LOVE to play the game and confuse everyone.

It doesn’t matter who she sends what to or how? But you would have to know her to know she can’t do it with good intentions. Shes taught everyone to compete with each other.

Our son ironically gave the card to my hubby as to say, this is from your mom, his grandmother. My son is adopted by my hubby, the reality of it all, she has never treated him like hes her grandson.

This is a first time her sending all gifts to him, including ours. It did get our attention, our son’s too. Do you see the picture? My hubby won’t visit her? I have nothing to do with his decisions. I told my hubby, I felt she was playing our son, cause our son has been attacking me lately.

I told my hubby, I got this feeling your mom is working on our son now to get to me. She blames everyone for her actions. Shes pushed people away.

Bottom line, they live to play the game. My brother made a statement when I told him, he said, there a family of games.

So who wins and looses here?


Sue January 22, 2014 at 1:39 pm

thank G I’m not alone! i was seriously doubting my sanity! My NIL does her manipulations with sweetness & supposed love (which she claims is unconditional. HA!)
There is too many “little seeds” that she’s planted & fertilized with her particular form of BS to mention here (I’d need my own blog!)
I will however tell you all the latest: MILE brought my H an affair wrapped in a bow on a platter with her blessings & encouragement! MILE told my H that I was the cause of all his unhappiness, that it was for the greater good, that i’mabusive (deflecting from the abuse he suffered with her & his brother. aka The Golden Child ) & that sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. Now, to someone who doesn’t understand a NIL they wouldn’t believe a grown man would listen to & believe crap like that & let their mother tell them how to live their life but that’s what happened. He left me for a woman of his mothers choosing. Fast forward 5 months – he’s back, we’re healing & mummy is now playing the “confused little girl ” routine that is her fall back position. H now ‘sees’ mummy for what she is but he feels guilty for being angry with her. Totally messed up woman,now I’m expected to forgive & forget because she’s just had a hard time recently & she’s just a weak woman! OMG, please! I’msupposed to feel bad for HER!?! i’vegot to stop here. blood pressure is rising! :-) Doing my best to not blow my top with her because I know there’s no point. Can’t cut her out & patrolling the boundaries is tiring. All I can pray for is that my H continues to stay united against her but I must admitt I’manxious, MIL is very very sneaky & gets under the radar. Wish me luck!


Anne February 4, 2014 at 3:15 am

I have been married to a wonderful man for 17 years. He is his mother’s scapegoat child, and she constantly tries to get me to join her in criticizing him. My narcissistic MIL has been cruel to me from the beginning. She got my husband to change our wedding date 3 times, and my friends were so upset about changing travel arrangement for the first 2 times, that I didn’t ask anyone to attend the wedding. She had an off-white sack dress that she insisted that I wear for the wedding since I was “shamefully pregnant” before marriage. It was hideous and my husband and I laugh at our wedding pictures of him and his mom in the middle and me pushed to the side in the ugly oversized dress. She feels threatened and becomes furious anytime anyone compliments my accomplishments as a student, housekeeper, and mother. For my children’s birthday parties she has supplied UGLY unflattering clothing for me that I wear just to avoid her having a meltdown and ruining another family occasion. She paid for an expensive birthday party for my daughter intentionally during a time that I was bound by contract to work. She told my daughter that if I didn’t attend, that I didn’t love my daughter. I lost a great job because of it. I could go on and on about it, but it all indicates that my narcissistic MIL is threatened by me and is very competitive, manipulative, and even dangerous. She tells our beautiful healthy weight daughters that they need to lose weight, and she constantly belittles the accomplishments of all four of our brilliant children. She has promised money to my oldest 16 year old son and wants him to take care of her as she dies of cancer. Both of my in-laws urinate and poop on the toilet, floors, and their clothing and just leave it there trying to get me to clean it up. MIL drinks 3 liters of fortified wine a night, and I dread the thought of my son having to deal with all of it. My husband lost his job over a year ago, and although he is training hard for a new job, we have all 6 been living with the in-laws for over a year. I’ve already partially packed my suitcase just to cheer myself up. The year that we lived on the opposite west coast was our happiest year as a family. I can’t wait to get out of here!


Cat February 19, 2014 at 10:20 am

Wow. Thank you all.
I have been told so many times that I am ‘oversensitive’ by my partners mother and his ‘Golden-child’ brother that I started to believe them, and am so relieved to find I am neither alone or imagining things.
I have been feeling for some time now that I am having some kind of breakdown or was suffering from depression. I have always known my MIL was totally enamoured with herself and have wasted too many hours listening to how beautiful she is/was and how I myself “would never understand the pressure of being beautiful” The many men that have been driven crazy with desire for her; including one student friend of my partner who apparently killed himself when he couldn’t have her…… It would be laughable if it weren’t so sick.
I have lost count of the barbed and loaded comments that always end in “but of course I’m joking” and the vile behaviour that she covers with her syrupy sweet mask. The main problem is that she covers her tracks so well that I no longer feel that I have my partners support or understanding….

I was a single Mom of two young boys when we met. My youngest was just over a year old. Our relationship was casual but grew into a very strong friendship and loving, trusting relationship but kept getting stuck before we could move in together or become a family.
I had my own home and was independent; he has a small-holding where (you guessed it) he had built a home for his mother and his brother had also built a home for himself and his wife and 2 kids… I used to jokingly call it the ‘Bermuda Triangle’, but it has turned out to be a prophetic joke as I have definitely become lost in the 8 years since we met.
She was overwhelmingly nice in the beginning, but I was no fool. I was a well travelled street wise 35. I played along with it for a long time, her over the top possessiveness of her sons sickened me, her metaphorical and physical stroking was cringeworthy and offensive, but was always just explained as ‘you know what she’s like’ just ignore her…
I could see the cracks showing in his brothers marriage and found his wife frozen in fear and very uncommunicative. Her self esteem so crushed that she was looking into a wine bottle for solace; this of course just fanned the flames of her MILs hatred for her, nothing could possibly be golden child fault, he was even driven into the arms of other women apparently and unbelievably MIL even befriended not one, but two of my partners brothers bits-on-the-side…. Shocking of course but still no one DARES say a thing…. My partner and I just used to observe all the mayhem and just hold each other tighter, happy that we were not affected by all the madness. Until we started planning a future together, and then it was my turn.
I’m sure she tolerated me because she thought he would never commit to me as I had two kids, she felt his relationship with me was a necessary inconvenience. I was always the concubine to her role as his ‘wife’ we live in a country with no welfare (South Africa) and no support. He is the sole provider for his mother and I see now how threatened she is by me. Everything he has ever given me in our 8 years together has had to be matched and bettered for her. I have never met anyone in my life that is so envious and greedy. It is truly terrifying.
Our relationship has been on ice this whole time, and is now on the verge of falling apart. He desperately wants us to move in together and make a home. He simply cannot understand my problem. She walks in whenever, helps herself to whatever, and just gives me a look of total defiance. I feel so sad that I will spend the rest of my life pining for my sole mate (which he is) because I can see no other way forward than to leave him. I cannot risk my sanity or my sons self esteem; which I have thus far protected by living separately, by continuing in this fractured life. I want and deserve a family of my own, and I am dog tired of playing second fiddle to this self proclaimed Medusa. The irony is: I have seen MANY pictures of her in her youth (including the ones she has had blown-up and framed) and I can tell you right now…. She REALLY wasn’t all that…..


Manda February 25, 2014 at 9:36 pm

I too am sorry for leaving a lengthy comment about my nmil, but I have to get it out of my
system. 5 years ago when I first met my mil, she refered to me as her angel, and that I was the daughter she’s never had. My fiance is her ‘golden child’ and her youngest child. As he and I’M got closer and more in love, his mother began to show her true colors towards me when he wasn’t around. She’d start making rude comments towards me, and just turned ugly towards me. She told my fiance countless times that I am difficult to be around. He asked her what she meant, and she told him it’s because I’m nothing like her. I don’t cook like her, I don’t clean house and org lije her, I don’t dress modestly like her, the list continues. He went off on her of course, and that pissed her off. I’ve expressed to my fiance how his mom is with me, and he’s noticed it and told me to put my foot down and stand up to her. Her and I have been several extremly heated arguments, and Itook my fiance’s advice and stood my ground, and then things would be fine for a while. Every argument my fiance and I have gotten into has been over his mother. The thing is, he knows clearly about his mother being a narcissist. He refers to her as a gold digger and has told me that she has lost several male friends because she loves to drain them financially. Oh her history with money is bad. She lives an expensive wine life style on her SS budget, and taking advantage of mine, her son’s and her boyfriend’s income. No one can tell her ‘no’, she ALWAYS gets her way. When my fiance and I try to plan alone time or date night, she bullies her way into our plans. I’ve grown to hate my miltb.


Manda February 26, 2014 at 1:42 am

Okay, I need to get this out there, because I’m ready to explode. It’s good to see I’m not the only woman out there with a mother n law (to be) that is a narcissist. So, I’m engaged to be married, and my fiance and I live with his mother. It’s not our choice to be living with her, but we have nowhere else to go. First, I’d like to make note for you readers that my fiance (her son) is her “golden child” and her youngest child. He’s the only one with a career, he’s the only one helping her out when she “needs” help, and takes care of her, because she’s in her late 70′s. In the beginning of our relationship, things between her and I weren’t bad at all. In fact, the day my fiance introduced me to his mother, she told him that I was an angel, polite, and sweet. Then she started telling him that I was like the daughter she’s never had (her oldest daughter was killed in a car accident when she was 16, and her second daughter is a whole other story). After my fiance asked me to move in with him finally, things started changing with his mom and I. When my fiance was at work, she would make rude comments towards me, and nitpick at my cooking, cleaning, how I dressed, you name it, she’s said it. When I told my fiance how his mother was treating me and talking to me, he flew off the handle on her and told her if she can’t accept me, she doesn’t accept him either, because I am his wife to be. She ended up telling him that I was difficult to live with because I don’t “listen” to her. He asked her what she meant, and she told him “She doesn’t take my advice when I suggest how to cook, she doesn’t clean house like I do, she has her own way, and she doesn’t dress as moderate as she should.” (his mom is way old fashioned, and thought I dressed provocatively……..which I never have dressed that way……I just showed a little cleavage, so what?) Oh boy, did he ever fly off even more. Finally she decided to move out and move in with her boyfriend. With her being out of the picture, my fiance gave me a history lesson on his mother, and I wasn’t shocked at what I was told. After her first divorce, her second husband (my fiance’s father) spoiled her like a queen and she got a huge taste of being spoiled. After she divorced him, her third husband did the same thing, spoiled her like a queen, and was even a loving father figure in my fiance’s life. While they were married, she loved to go gambling. She’d blow all the money they had (including bill payments, house payments, food money, any responsibility they had to pay for, she’d gamble it) on gambling. According to my fiance, she likes to live like she’s on a fine wine lifestyle, but on everyone else’s money. After her third husband died, she got with his friend, and he somewhat spoiled her. Her careless gambling and fine wine lifestyle she demanded made him leave her after a few years of being together, because she was too expensive for him to be with. Even with her living with her boyfriend, she was still somewhat of a bitch to me, but that’s when my fiance told me to stand up to her and give her a taste of her own medicine. Finally after 2 years of living with her boyfriend, she had enough, and moved back in with us. She never asked us to do things for her, she’d tell us to do things for her. If we tried to protest against her demands, she’d quietly throw a tantrum, making it felt and know that she was pissed that we told her NO, so we’d give in just so she wouldn’t make it worse for us. If my fiance and I would try and spend time to ourselves, she’d accuse us of leaving her out and being secretive. When it came to us getting paid from work, we’d keep it from her because she’d make plans on how she’d like to spend our hard earned money. It’s sad that we have to hide things that we buy for ourselves, just so she doesn’t know we have money. One day when I came home from work, she was acting like she was pissed off, so I asked her if she was okay, and she just started going off on me. She told me that just because I worked, didn’t give me the right to “neglect” making dinner and cleaning the kitchen the night before. Her and I stood nose to nose (mind you, she’s in her 70′s and I’m in my early 30′s) screaming in each others faces. That’s when I finally gave her a piece of my mind, and gave her the worst taste of her own medicine. My fiance even jumped in and helped me, because his mom knows that I work my ass off and that she is depending on me a lot more than she needs to be, and that he and I need time to be together of just him and I WITHOUT her. I was heated and still screaming at her, because she was living in mine and her son’s home NOT her’s, and she was disrespecting us by the way she has been acting. She basically freeloads off us, and financially, it’s hard on my fiance and I. When she moved back in with us, she agreed to pay her share share of rent, utilities and groceries. Our home wasn’t even home to us, it was HER home. She redecorated our home to her liking and taste. She paid her half the rent, but “ran out” of money when it came to the utilities. Regardless of the utilities being in my name, she agreed to pay her share, but she never did, so I lost all my entire checks to rent, utilities, child support, groceries, and DirecTV. Another day I came home from work, and she was just sitting in her recliner watching her same bs rerun cop shows instead of making dinner. So I turned the TV off, and told her that the bill is in my name and that I was going to have the TV part turned off, because she was lazy and a TV hog. She got in my face and we had another scream fest. I finally unleashed every cuss word in the book at her, told her she that is the the biggest bully, narcissist, self centered, old bitch I’d ever met and that I wanted her out of my home. I reminded her of her agreement and her failing to keep up on her agreement, and that I had enough of her being lazy, dependent, and demanding. I told her that my home wasn’t home to me, I felt like a guest in my own home. I told her that she was most of the reason why her son and I argued, because he quit standing up to her and allowed her to become a monster n law to be, and a slave driver. She’s a wedge and a burden, and I wasn’t going to put up with it anymore. I know, you’re probably thinking I’m mean and wrong for cussing out a woman in her 70′s, but you don’t live with her, you don’t know her, and you don’t have to deal with her. Anyway, she finally moved out again and got her own place not to far from us. My fiance and I had the house to ourselves for another year, until we couldn’t afford to live there any longer, so now we’re here living with his mother again. It’s been 2 and a half months of living with her again, and things went back to the same like when she was living with us. I’m now working 2 jobs, and my fiance is working one. We’ve been trying to save to get our own place, but we’re stuck paying most of her bills, putting gas in her car and ours. When we try to have just one day alone doing things we like, she bullies her way into our plans, so we don’t get to go and do what we want to do, we end up taking her out and doing what she wants to do, and then she offers to take us out to eat, but we’re the ones paying for her. She knows what she’s doing, and she knows it’s pissing us off, but since we have nowhere else to go, she’s taking more advantage of us and trying our patience. Like tonight, I cooked dinner, I followed the recipe step by step, and she flippin’ complained and accused me of not following directions. I showed her the freaking recipe, proved to her that I did what the recipe called to do and she scoffed at me. F her, ungrateful old bitch. She’s been complaining about my cooking and how I do the kitchen, living room, bath room, and I just want to knock her on her ass and tell her to do it all on her own since my way isn’t to her standards. My fiance loves my cooking, and assures me that my cooking is way better than his mother’s, and that she needs to just shut her face and be happy that her home is being taken care of regardless of how it’s being cleaned. She even makes fun of me because I have to have my clothes hung up on white hangers only, and color coordinated, or folded military style. She says I’m too OCD when it comes to my clothes, doing the dishes, and how I have to alphabetize/numerical order my DVD’s, music and books, and then she makes a smart ass remark “that’s just not normal, I think you’re weird” When my fiance and I finally move out of this place, I will have NOTHING to do with his mother anymore. If he wants to visit her, he’s visiting alone, because I’m done. I’m done catering and waiting on a woman that is still capable of being independent. I’m done with the harsh criticism, and childish games she plays. I’ve had it with her royal highness the QUEEN!!!!


anonymous March 7, 2014 at 3:36 am

I’m new here but just wanted to say thanks to everyone who has posted because I finally feel like I’m not alone in this situation. I too, have a future NMIL – but fortunately also have a fiance who now sees her for what she is and puts his foot down. She is currently in the process of boycotting our wedding and has threatened to throw a fit during the ceremony or reception if she doesn’t get her way on a variety of elements – primarily the guest list. She even stated that our wedding is the most important day in HER life and how dare we take that away from her. I honestly won’t be surprised if she shows up in white, but I think we’d both be relieved if she went through on her promise to boycott because it would mean less drama. Although, there is absolutely no way her ego would allow for that.
Right now I’m more nervous about when we have children and am trying my hardest to come up with any kind of toolkit or mechanism that he and I can use together to keep the boundaries. It’s at the stage now where I won’t spend time with her (she has a history of insulting me or saying incredibly inappropriate things about our sex life – for example she once saw me changing shirts (again, no boundaries) – and when she saw me in my bra stated: ‘wow, so that’s how you get that power over him. There are some things a mother just can’t do (with a huge sigh)). I’m just trying to not make the stress of on my fiance any higher than it needs to be at this point and I can’t imagine how hard it must be on his level to accept and set up boundaries against his own mother. If he hadn’t started doing that though, I wouldn’t have been able to continue down this path.
I’m thinking at this stage we are going to have to try the LC method, but depending on what happens on the wedding day, we may move to NC straight away. It’s a shame that a day that is supposed to be about family becomes all about one impossible person.

Anyway, thanks to everyone for posting, it helps knowing there are others out there. Trying to explain it to someone who doesn’t have this experience is impossible.


Sylvia March 12, 2014 at 6:32 am

Can’t help but notice no man has commented on this…


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