Narcissistic Mother-in-Law

by Michelle Piper

What if you realize you have a narcissistic mother-in-law? For your spouse, the child of the narcissist, dealing with the parental narcissist can be more taxing and harder than dealing with anyone else.

But what happens when you marry into having a narcissistic relative? How are you supposed to deal with a narcissistic mother-in-law? You’re not even biologically programmed to love this woman, yet you may feel you have to put up with her because your spouse does.

When you first meet your narcissistic mother-in-law to be, she may act charming, witty, and like she’s genuinely interested in you and your life. In reality, it may be she only wants to deepen the relationship between the two of you in order to use your trust and confidence against you or your spouse later.

It may not be until the relationship between you and your partner gets serious, or even until marriage, that you start to feel her wrath. She may see you as competition, vying for control over her child’s love, loyalty and attention.

She’s a master manipulator and knows what to say and do to make you think she really cares. She’s also skilled in planting the seed of doubt.

Narcissistic mother-in-laws have been operators and controllers since childhood, perfecting their craft as they age. They brag, nag, intrude, compete, and often defeat those who attempt to have healthy boundaries. The boundary violating relationship she likely created with her child is now tarnished because you’ve come into the picture and taken her narcissistic supply away.

When I think about this topic, I think of the movie Monster-In-Law, starring Jane Fonda and Jennifer Lopez. Jane Fonda plays a successful TV host, a divorcee several times over, and the mother to a son who falls in love with Jennifer Lopez’s character.

When this happens, Fonda’s character is nice and fake to the woman her son is dating. But as soon as she finds out they are getting married, BOOM, Fonda does everything in her power to try to get rid of her.

In the movie, her son was her golden child, the one who could do no wrong in her eyes and only deserved the best. Many times with a narcissistic mother, the golden child is a son. If this golden child grows up and ends up being the partner you fall in love with, this could be a serious problem. Unfortunately, no partner may ever be good enough for a golden child.

In the movie, her son never saw the manipulative side of her, but it was there all along. The couple’s relationship almost breaks apart right before the wedding. Luckily, Fonda’s character has a sudden change of heart and agrees not to interfere with the relationship anymore.

That last part is, of course, the Hollywood happy ending the audience waits for. In the real world, not the one on the big screen, this is definitely not a typical case. The damage of a narcissistic mother-in-law opens wounds for years to come in both spouse and the narcissistic mother’s grandchildren.

From the narcissistic mother-in-law’s perspective, “giving away” her child to be with an adult partner isn’t an option. If that child was her mirror or golden child, the perceived loss can be excruciating to the narcissistic mother-in-law and she’ll feel threatened.

In contrast, if her child was in the scapegoat role, you’re going to hear about it and she’ll try to enlist you against her adult child. You will be targeted to join with the narcissistic mother or will be her enemy and these roles can flip flop over time.

If your partner was in the lost child role, the maternal narcissist may resent that you are “distracting the family” from her or her other children such as the golden child, with your marriage ceremony, your children and so forth. How dare you steal the spotlight from them with your normal life?

Whatever the role your NMIL put your partner in, you and your spouse will need to show a united front in arguments and disagreements between you and your narcissistic mother-in-law. Your partner relationship will be only as strong as the values you mutually agree to maintain. Whoever affronts them, mother or not, simply cannot be trusted if you wish to protect your intimate bond.

If your spouse isn’t yet aware he or she has a narcissistic parent, refrain from talking about her flaws without clear examples of the negative behavior. Initially, your spouse may have difficulty seeing the dysfunctional behavior because, to survive a narcissistic mother in the first place, your partner may have used coping strategies like “minimizing” or “denying” his or her parent was and is abusive.

Set limits with her and make sure your spouse is aware and agrees to these limits. Remember, she is emotionally very young, and like a child will test your boundaries. Decide together what role your narcissistic mother-in-law is going to play in your new lives.

If she can, your narcissistic mother-in-law will nitpick at everything you do, from how you spend your resources like money and time, to how you keep your house to how you raise your kids. She wants a say in everything and is good at getting into your personal space.

Even when limits are put into place, it may not stop her from overstepping your boundaries. If things do not change, you and your spouse may need to strictly limit interactions with her (low contact) or completely sever them (no contact).

In a normal family, tensions usually ease or are at least tolerated over time. You were probably not raised the same way as your spouse nor did you grow up with the same values, beliefs, and family issues and problems. Getting married means accepting differences and making each other better people. When it comes to a narcissistic mother-in-law, however, you and your spouse are expected to make unreasonable concessions.

In a narcissistic family system, issues are more difficult to overcome. Remember, the less functional a family, the more rigidly it holds onto old, unproductive patterns.

Be aware of your narcissistic mother-in-law’s history in order to better defend against her manipulations. Narcissists are toxic but predictable. If you observe her dysfunction with a studied eye, you and your spouse can effectively strategize against her repetitive boundary violations and unrealistic expectations.

The motivation for her narcissistic behavior may be the result of a myriad of causes which can hint at future inappropriate behavior. She may have been spoiled or overindulged when she was a child.

She may be the product of narcissistic parenting, perhaps the daughter of a narcissistic mother herself, and was only loved conditionally based on achievements and performance. Her toxic behavior could also be due to some form of abuse or neglect as a child and her narcissism resulted as a defense mechanism to it all.

Knowing her history doesn’t excuse her hurtful actions but can better equip you to protect yourself, your spouse and children from a maternal narcissist.

Unlike her, you are capable of being empathetic. You can walk in another person’s shoes and take a look from their perspective.

Although there are ways of confronting your narcissistic mother-in-law in a fair way to set limits, normal limit setting may not be enough to curb the toxic behavior of a NMIL.

As a reasonable person, you’ll usually first attempt the gentle boundary setting which has worked with mentally healthy people throughout your life, but eventually be forced by the pathology of the NMIL to go to greater lengths like low or no contact to protect your relationship against the bizarre violation of the healthy boundaries you and your partner have established. Decide on the amount of phone calls, visits, and exposure that you and your family receive from any narcissist.

Don’t take what she says to heart as she can only reflect back a distorted view of others due to her own impairment and her perceptions of you will be flawed.

As a couple, discuss your limits and boundaries regarding your NMIL. Then, set them in order to decrease the likelihood your narcissistic mother-in-law will hurt your relationship or the ones you love.

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{ 80 comments… read them below or add one }

Morris. July 23, 2016 at 2:25 am

I don’t talk or think about narcissists much any more.

I was the son of a narcissistic mother and she sabotaged every relationship that I ever had.

Six years ago, however, the old girl got up to her old tricks and so I gave her her marching orders.

It was the hardest thing that I’ve ever done. I mean that purely from a psychological perspective. It was really hard to break all of the old behaviour patterns and false beliefs.

Anyway, my point being – I chose my Wife and children over my narcissistic mother.

It was absolutely the right choice and I’ve never looked back. My “parents” were poison and I’m glad that they’re gone.

It can happen – sons of narcissistic mothers can cut the ties and walk away …… it isn’t easy, it can be done and it does happen.

Morris.

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rosemary August 15, 2016 at 9:51 pm

I have a narcissistic mother in law from the get go. When my husband and I came together after over 20 years apart and he brought me to his home to meet his mother. It only took a few visits for her to tell me that the only reason I was able to be there with her son is because she liked me. Otherwise she said I would already told him to get rid of you. My husband and I decided to marry some time later and all was well for a while. Until she found out I managed my husbands money and she began to wage war. She told him that he was to limit the amount of money he gave him. That I should go get a job etc. Sure enough he walked in out the blue one day and said that he was only giving me this limited amount of money and that I should go make money if I need more. That his mother worked for 30 years and that I should go do the same instead of doing nothing. The crazy things is that I work from home and work less for the same amount of money it takes him a month to make. But there is more… so, we started arguing about the money and in spite of the fact that I had all our finances in super check and had even reduced our expenses by close to $600 per month. He said that from now on he was saving and managing his own money and that I had been hoarding his money all along, which is not true. It only took another day of that for him to quickly pack his bag and head to his mother immediately who promptly welcomed him with open arms and suggested that I not worthy of him. I phoned her after the second day he moved in with her and she did not answer. Some time later she sent a text that she would not be answering me at all. So, I wrote her again saying that this was very serious and that there was no reason for her to have taken him back into her home when he was already a married man, had a home and a wife. To which she said that I had already been previous married and insinuated that I was not good enough for her son. I continued to explain that she should be supporting his marriage and helping him become a good husband. She answered not. I then texted him asking if he would like to come home. To which he answered that he was home (with his mother). I said I missed him to which he responded he missed me too but that he could not leave. SInce then he has said that he will not be working on our marriage because he now has to work on his saving money and making money. That I am too much work and difficult to love. Today I asked him if he loved me and he took a breath a said yes. However he was to come over to our home to pick up things and never showed up. His mother didn’t express any interest in helping us or him leave and I am sure she is happy now that he boyfriend soon is back home with her. She along the way has made all kinds of demands from me . That I should call her daily, that I should go over to her house. That I should tell my husband to cut his hair. That I should this and that…
I have no idea how things will be for my husband and I, we have been married for 6 months. He married late in life for the first time. He confessed after marriage as he opened up that he’s parents had been extremely controlling of him all his life. How hard it had been for him. When he finally got out all he wanted to do was everything. So, he got hooked on drugs, women for many years. Hence, why we could not marry when younger. They have a volatile relationship were she tells him what to do all the time and then stresses him out. They are now locked up in her home like they have been for years watching tv and being critical of people and things.

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Kay J July 1, 2017 at 12:11 pm

I pray you and your husband fall in love again. His mother is poison.

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rosemary August 15, 2016 at 10:05 pm

I am glad you shared your experience. My husband had similar experiences except his parents made it as if no one else where the only people that loved him. It is a very twisted situation. He’s mom is still alive and she would control everything he bought, wore and the arguments were constant. Some how she caught wind that I managed our finances and began her devious behavior. That I need to get a job and that he should only give me a limited amount of money because I was hoarding all his money and since I am previously divorced that I would take off with all his hard earned money.

He is now living with her, she refuses to talk to me or recognize that he is married and that he should be in his home with me trying to work things out.

Your shared testimonial was hopeful. As according to my husband he misses me but cant leave from his mothers.

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Claire October 30, 2016 at 10:27 pm

My mother in law in a narcissist. My husband doesn’t realise how manipulative she is. In fact, he thinks he has a self sacrificing wonderful
Mom. It’s so frustrating. We bought an amazing house for ourselves 12 months ago. Had to move due to my hubby job. My inlaws moved in cos they have squandered every dollar they ever made. It’s just a taken he is gonna take care of them. They now live in our home and my husband expects me to move back in with them. I cannot live with this toxic manipulative woman. How do I get him to see the reality? Help. I love him but will Not subject our little daughter to the mind games and bs.

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Renata November 1, 2016 at 10:19 pm

I have a narcissistic and manipulative mother in law with 3 sons (with almost 50 years old). They want to spend every leasure time with her and now that I have a baby it has worsen so much that it makes me crazy. It is quite hard to deal with not only because of her, but because of how my husband deals with it and how his brothers cope little with it and do whatever she wants them to do. The worst of all is that they dont have a proper social life, dont go out, dont relate with others but only with their family and my husband is pressured a lot by her and always try to make me live to please her. I am trying to change a little the dynamics but it is quite difficult. I am trying quite hard but I am always angry with the lack of sensibility they have regarding my needs. I really dont know what to do and all the time I think of divorcing. Anyways. It would be nice to hear from a man whose mother is that way tips to help with the relationship. My husband is not very keen to change his behavior. She has raised very insecure adults in fact.

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Swift January 7, 2017 at 4:07 pm

I am a married 43 year old son of a narcissist mother. I have only come to realise this in the last 2 years. Thank God I have found out reasonably early in my life. My mother has destroyed relationships between my siblings and me, she has cut off all contact with my sister and her children because she doesn’t approve of her husband. She has cut off contact with my wife and told me to my face that she was a bitch. She also told me I never had good taste in women. These comments came as a shock to me and I had to see a counsellor to deal with it. I keep in touch with my mother but it’s tough going. She never asks about my wife or what we’re doing. I used to be the golden child but since my sister has been taken out of the picture, I am now the scapegoat. I have another brother who has replaced me as the golden child. All I can say is that awareness is the only defence, that way you keep your confidence and know that most things that are said are lies. Also, it’s important limit interaction. I’m not at the point where I can cut off all toes but I can understand how it could happen.

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Alex August 17, 2017 at 8:00 pm

My mother-in-law called me a phase that her son would soon pass. She told me she was surprised that he was dating me when he’s dreamgirl was blonde, blue-eyed, and tan. I’m asian and she never forget to say how much he’s always liked blondes. Wives who have supporting and loving husbands don’t have these types of issues. I’m divorcing mine because he is an adult child. The guys never stood up for me. He became abusive towards me…calling me nothing. Even with all the things he’s done, his family considers me the problem. In laws need to accept and respect the choices other people make. I consider it utterly disrespectful to be this way.

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Stressed DIL August 3, 2016 at 9:06 am

This is my MIL. Hands down. She exhibits all the signs of NPD and it causes me so much anxiety. She doesn’t listen to us, undermines our parenting, turns every situation into a pity party for herself, says the weirdest stuff to make me feel awful, acts like my husband is still her baby, tries to pry into our financial business, and when things don’t go her way (no matter what the situation), she uses her husbands passing to try and make people feel sorry for her.
Speaking from an analytical perspective, her behavior is only pushing her son away. He doesn’t even want to call her once a week, I have to dial the number and make him talk to her. I feel that even though she always has an agenda, it’s important to try and continue a relationship for the sake of my husband. We live out of state, and her behavior has affected their relationship in the most negative ways.
Is there a way to be “nice” and tell this woman she needs to stop the bs?!?

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Also Stressed August 9, 2016 at 12:12 pm

Other than the kids, you could be describing my MIL. Even down to the using her husband’s passing! I wish I had an answer b/c I need one too. Unfortunately, we have had to cut off contact with her at the moment. My husband recently had a mild heart attack. (He’s fine, but it was scary!) Her first response when she arrived at the hospital was how she couldn’t believe this was happening to her again. My FIL died of a massive heart attack last year. She was completely horrible throughout the whole situation. I don’t think there is a way to be “nice” and tell her to stop the bs. One of the main signs of a narcissist is that they don’t see how their actions impact other people. I’ve tried to be nice. I’ve tried to be direct. I’ve tried being a b*$%!. Nothing works. My only suggestion is to limit contact. I know that will probably be hard since you have kids…

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Anonymous August 17, 2016 at 11:12 am

Why would you want your husband to continue having a relationship with this woman? She sounds horrible. Take your husbands lead and let hi manage the relationship. If you push him he will resent you and it will damage your marriage.

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Fed Up DIL July 31, 2017 at 7:36 am

This entry really spoke to me. I know your pain and frustration. I only just recently figured out that this is my Mother in Law. We’ve been married 18 years now and things were fine for a long time, but looking back I realize there was another DIL for her to target. When she left the family, I became the focus. I have done my best to cut ties and my husband understands and says he won’t be speaking to his mother for a long time, but I know he’ll forgive her soon. Not looking forward to the next family get together. I think my plan is, she’s not allowed in our house. That way if we get together, I can leave and walk away.

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kings August 5, 2016 at 10:34 pm

My mother committed suicide 12/251995. I found her. It’s difficult around the holidays. My husband tells me he spending Christmas with his mom knowing I can’t get the following Monday or Tuesday off. I have no family here and he’s ok with that.. I just don’t understand. I don’t know what to do.

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Jennifer August 27, 2016 at 4:35 am

I’m so terribly sorry. Let him know how you feel. Maybe she can come to your house?

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stacey allam September 8, 2016 at 8:46 pm

D I V O R C E

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HoneyBee June 5, 2017 at 3:04 am

I agree, divorce him.

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Monsters in Law!!!! August 11, 2016 at 8:49 am

Monster in Law describes my relationship with my in laws with NO Hollywood ending. For years I have been dealing with a NMIL and I married the golden child, who has narcissistic tendencies, but he truly wants to change. My FIL, I believe, is not narcissistic he does whatever it takes to make his wife happy to “keep the peace”. Well, after being married to my husband for almost 17 years (19 years together) I finally said enough about 2 years ago! I haven’t spoken to my in laws in almost 2 years after their last visit in my home. My husband is in the military and for most of his career we have lived on the eastcoast or overseas (his family lives on the westcoast). We returned to the states for our last duty station overseas and low and behold we now live 6 hours from my in laws. Of course my NMIL couldn’t wait to contol our every move but received a rude awakening. Shortly after moving back to the states I got a job. Therefore, I was not privy to vacation until after my 6 months probationary period. My NMIL is a 30+ year manager and understands this completely, however, it did not stop her from asking us to come down for Christmas. (This is coming from a woman who did not attend her father’s memorial bc she was his princess and her siblings went against her wishes so she went out of town with my FIL) Anyway, I kept explaining that my company is 24 hours and I am scheduled to work during the holiday. It fell on deaf ears, and she came up with the bright idea of “what if my husband and the kids come for vacation and she fly me out on the Eve and I fly back before work on Christmas”. Huh?!? Well, my husband and I decided to stay home for Christmas because it would not be fair for me to be without MY family for the holiday. Well she was upset (she sent no Christmas gifts that year) but played nice until she and my FIL came to visit us a few months later. We hadn’t eaten breakfast yet before she hands me a paper “someone” gave her on the airplane ride over. The paper read, “How to have a successful marriage”. I looked at her and tuck the paper in my apron to show my husband later. Then my FIL couldn’t help but to say something negative to me under his breath so the golden child didn’t hear it. Therefore, at that point I declared I had enough. I remain distant during the rest of their visit and managed to not see them the last few days they were in town. As to why it’s been almost 2 years since Ive spoken to them. It’s been great and my husband and has had no issues. Until recently, I just celebrated a milestone birthday in Las Vegas and his family knew I was going and they weren’t invited. Both in laws birthday are a few days before mine but they waited right before mine to call my husband and ask him, “Why don’t I like them?” And explained that they’ll be in Vegas the same weekend as us and feel like they won’t be able to see him. My husband finally stood up for me and said if you really want to know why she’s upset ask her, if you really want to change things because he knows I’m a very forgiving person. There was no let me speak with her, or No phone call.. So what happens she sends her flying monkeys. My BIL (scapegoat) and his wife and my CIL and his wife. They all called the night we got into Vegas to say they are there or on the way. Smh! I was pissed but I did find out that my SIL has the same feelings towards our NMIL and there was a good reason but I honestly did not want to discuss her on MY birthday celebration weekend but we did. That’s when I finally was able to put a name to who my MIL is.. A narcissist. All these years I thought it was me and her SIL. Well, a month after that debacle my NMIL then tags me in a post on FB. I was like what is her deal, remind you I still haven’t talked to my in laws. I then deleted my FB page for a few weeks. And now she is asked my husband if we could take vacation around their vacation so we can take care of his ailing grandmother. She said they will be out of town and we can stay in their house. My husband has said no but he will discuss with me. And being that he brought it to me I know wants to go. I think it’s selfish of her to want us to plan our vacation around theirs but it’s his grandmother… I know this is a narcissist tactic because that same grandmother told my husband and our daughter they don’t take care of her but I would hate to feel like we abandon his grandmother during her aging years. What should I do?

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ATS August 11, 2016 at 3:12 pm

Thanks for this post, it was very informative.

Having married an only child son with a mother who suffers from a myriad of mental health issues, including NPD and alcoholism, we have had to experience all of the above. We tried for six years to set firm boundaries which were persistently violated to the point of harassment and stalking. We then left the country in which case she showed up in said country against our will three blocks from our home. So now we have since moved to be by my family for further support with the situation and to protect our little ones. He has very minimal phone contact every couple of months. I have no contact with her. She does not have our address.

The most heartbreaking part of all is my husband is the one who has suffered so greatly because of it. He spent 30 years minimizing and ignoring the problems because it was a survival mechanism. Now he feels lost and alone, though he understands fully what has gone on and has set the boundaries himself. We have spent thousands of dollars on therapy to determine the most effective ways to handle this situation.

My heart goes out to all who have dealt with this type of person. Truly toxic and impossible to establish a functional relationship. I try to blame it on the illness, not the individual. Helps a bit with coping.

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Bex August 23, 2016 at 8:37 am

My monster in law soon to EX monster in law she controlled everything and her boy as she called him even when he was a 40 year old man. She would often tell me when I got something for the house she could never afford anything like that, she would tell me how I cooked her son rubbish ( even though I asked him what he wanted to eat), she even wanted to come in whilst I gave birth, she would chase me around the house accusing me of anything even lying and telling people I ignored her phone calls or the door to her. But I am proud to say I’m now divorcing her precious son and at 44 years old she is now ironing his clothes, cooking him breakfast ( he leaves his gf’s house to go there for breakfast) and makes his sandwiches for work. He will never become a man who is not a sociopath with a nice mom

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Bex August 23, 2016 at 8:40 am

That should say at the end
He will never become a man and I am now looking for a real man who is no a sociopath with a nice man !!

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Anonymous August 25, 2016 at 11:18 am

This article was incredibly written.

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Jennifer August 27, 2016 at 4:49 am

I couldn’t agree more. I hate that were not alone in this, but it’s nice to know someone understands. Thanks so much for writing this!

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Chantal January 1, 2017 at 3:43 pm

Omg I had no idea this was even a problem until now ..!! I’m going trough allot and reading all your comments I no longer feel alone! Wow god bless you all I hope we. An all have some kind of happy ending

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Jennifer August 27, 2016 at 4:46 am

My MIL is upstairs at my home as we speak. She’s planned this trip for some time with excitement and I was initially excited about her coming to meet her new grand daughter. This beast of a woman has been an absolute nightmare. She has done nothing but complain, wants nothing to do with baby. I work and couldn’t be off this week but husband is, and she literally complained to me saying she hasn’t spent any time with him, although she has, it’s the fact he’s had to care for baby too that bothers her. I tried to speak to her about this, and her attitude she just states she feels unwelcome, but has not one example as to how. I asked how we can make things better for her, and she has no response other than telling us we aren’t happy (new baby has had issues, but otherwise were overjoyed) and that due to a horrible joke she made about teaching my daughter how to stick her finger in a light socket (yes, I’m serious) that I wasn’t so happy about, that I wouldn’t “fit in her family cause we like to joke a lot like that” wth?!?! I explained joking about hurting our child, her granddaughter, was NOT a joke, nor funny. I told her that I do love her and want to be a part of family to which she replied “nope, don’t think so!”
My 44 yo DH turns into a five year old when this happens. I ask why he won’t address it, he states he doesn’t know what to do. He takes all this he states because his mom has “depression” No, her trip has caused me depression, this woman is sick!
Help!!

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Jeanne October 19, 2016 at 11:41 am

I have been married to a wonderful man for almost 25 yrs., two adult kids, and my MIL has NPD, depression, health issues and other emotional issues going back to her childhood. I’m a strong person but it’s hard not to get into fights with hubby regarding his mom, actually it’s the only thing we fight about. Best advice is to remember your husband had to survive being raised by his NPD mom which has left huge scars. Scars that he wants to ignore. My husband desperately wanted a family, a family he never had because the NMIL even turned her two sons against each other. My BIL is the golden child. You shouldn’t try to love someone that can’t love you back and someone with NPD cannot love you back. Imagine how hard that would be to deal with a mother that doesn’t really love you no matter what you did. I wish I would have known about this disorder decades ago. I would have done everything different. I would not have ever asked her to watch the kids because years later I found out she resented watching the kids and claimed she had to watch them “all the time”. I was a stay at home mom so big fat lie there. She may even make negative remarks to the kids or husband about you when you are not there. I would not have made any effort to have her favorite foods and drinks when she visited because you will notice she will not have anything you like at her house when you visit (passive aggressive). NMIL will expect everything, never appreciate anything and will try to undermine anything you do or any plans you make. When she starts complaining I wish I would have asked if she’s feeling ok and if talked to her counselor recently about her negative feelings (she refused counseling but it’s good to point that out). If she criticizes you, again state you are sorry she feels that way and walk away. On the 3rd time in one visit you have to say “I’m sorry you feel that way”, insist she seek counseling to find out why she is feeling so negative. Keep repeating that if necessary. Do not defend yourself because there is nothing you can do to change her mind. Don’t do anything (especially raising your family or how or when you celebrate holidays) to please her because it won’t be good. NMIL will see this as a sign of weakness on your part. Remember it’s HIS mom so make him buy the cards, make the phone calls, gifts or send photos of the kids. If she is having an event at her house and she acts up, remember you can leave! Never express your opinion or tell her anything personal because she will only use the information to hurt you. The sooner you get your husband to realize it’s not just simple depression, the better for your family. Good luck!

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Wendy August 29, 2016 at 8:47 am

I met husband when he worked on the road he had a 5 year old daughter at the time was with his mother far away because he worked so much. My husband is the golden child but he has been replaced by his daughter. We tried over the last 2 years to get his daughter but his mother convinced him that his daughter couldn’t handle change and that she needed to stay where she was. It was very confusing to me since he never said anything bad to his mom to me so the beginning of this year my husband’s job changed to another area so I took my daughter(his step daughter, 3years old) and stayed with my parents for about a month and my husband kept at me to move in with his parents to get his daughter use to me. I was very reluctant because my MIL was acting weird even with the thought of me living close and living with them was driving her crazy. Finally it was time to go and it was the worse 2 months of my life. She Made me believe that she was my friend and that she supported me being there and building a bond with my step daughter. But she sabatoge do the whole thing. And she told my husband when he visited to take his wife and her child and leave but he didn’t tell me that he said we were all leaving including his daughter and when my MIL found out she back peddled and tried to make things right but she turned it around that I wanted to leave when I didn’t know anything was going on. I ended up staying but it only lasted another week and I had to go. Since than we took his daughter and his mom has done the craziest things. I cut off ties in April because she was twisting my words to start drama in my marriage. She has gone around to everyone in the family and talked bad about me. What I am struggling with is that I’m not responding at all, but she won’t stop. My SIL and I are very close and talk daily and she has been disowned for talking to me. My husband has been disowned and she won’t speak to him but she doesn’t mean it because she does this over and over again. Calling him at work and she picks special days for his daughter to do it like her first day at a new school and her birthday. I want to call her and give it to her so she will leave us alone since my husband won’t!!! He does take up for me and he is the gray rock which drives her crazy but I need to know what to do because I carry a lot of resentment and anger over this because it is only because he took his daughter which was her narcissistic supply. Any advice?????

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Familyfromhell September 5, 2016 at 5:11 pm

I know the feeling. I been married to a guy since 1990. I knew his mother all my life, at first she treated me very nice. Always said I was the prettiest woman she ever did see. A few years later after I married her son her mask felled off. She was very upset that we got married. Turned all her children and grand kids against me. He would start arguments just so he can move back with his mom. Since we been married in 1992 he been moving back and forward between me and his mothrer. They all are drunks. She is 88 still drinks a lot. She dont want her three daughters all age over 52 to hang with no body but her. They dont take their children no where and they go to her house and drink booze all while she control them and belittle them. All they men left them because of this… my husband stayed with me 7 years all the other years he kept leaving me to please his mom And make her happy. I just found out that the mom set him up with a ugly dirty hooker who was homeless and drugs just to destroy our realtionship…and like a puppet on a string he had sex with this hooker. Bought me 3 stds….he been back in my life finally left his family alone. Now they got the grand children her daughter kids who are all young adults writting nasty messages about me on facebook. These ppl are disgusting. All i ever did was be super nice to them.

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stacey allam September 8, 2016 at 8:57 pm

well stop being nice to them

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Fpf September 25, 2016 at 11:17 am

Unfortunately, I saw much of my MIL in your post. My husband is the only-child, and his parents were divorced when he was young. MIL never had a long term relationship after this, as his father is already remaried. So husband is the golden child.
When he moved out, MIL even made herself sick to get attention. I try and try to have a good relationship with her, as I do not want to separate them – this is not my intention. But she is constantly manipulating our life and plans. In her perspective, it is his obligation – and by marriage mine – to care for her now and when she will get elder. I think she hopes that she becomes a burden.
Hopefully he sees this in her ways, and knows the mother he has. But I do not know how to set boundaries with her (we se her every weekend, she always wants to be involved in everything). All I want is to have some time to ourselves and not have her making emotional blackmail off everything…

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Jan October 5, 2016 at 9:13 pm

Thank you so much for this insiteful article. My husband and I got married about a month ago at the ages of 23 and 25 and are already experiencing these issues. While I can usually brush off the passive aggression and negative comments she has thrown at me over the past 5 years her son and I have been together, I completely lost it when she began bullying my little sister. At my husband and i’s wedding she was in a horrible mood (because she does not like me marrying her golden child and having him move across the country to live with me) and took it out on my 21 year old sister, verbally attacking her and even waving her finger in her face. My sister reacted with a condescending tone and later that week called my 65 year old NMIL to apologize only to be laughed at and told they would “have no contact.” My husband and I found out about this after returning from our honeymoon and had a dramatic confrontation with his mother about how unacceptable this was but she defended herself by lying about the situation and completely fabricating details to make her sound innocent. Luckily we had the confrontation on video but my question is… How can I deal with lies and manipulation when they involve my family members? Especially my little sister. At some point I feel that my NMIL should be held accountable for he actions but are narcissists by definition unable to own up to their mistakes?

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Michelle January 9, 2017 at 10:23 am

NEVER waste your breath confronting a narcissist! They will continually escalate it until they feel they have won! My mother in law has finally started to play nice after years of me just agreeing with whatever she says no matter how ridiculous.ie) I don’t feed my kids.(how do they survive on no food). My husband does all the work with the kids(interesting as he is at work 14 hours a day and is gone before they wake up and usually not home till after they are asleep) I keep the grandkids away from her (every summer I drive myself and kids MANY hours away to spend a month with all the family and usually only see my parents on my side of the family so we can be available if my MIL decides she is available to see kids) I don’t make them welcome in our house (but they show up every couple of months anyways) I said “oh well, who fucking cares” when my husbands grandfather died (I loved that man very much and told him I was adopting him as my grandpa even when my husband and I were still only dating. I raced around trying to book my husband on a flight to get him there quicker and tried to wrap up everything at school so kids could leave school early – it was final week of school). She finally knows she can’t get a reaction out of me because I truly don’t care what she says – I know she is a narcissist. I won’t keep my kids from her because my cousins were kept from my grandpa and they missed out on knowing him. However I also won’t leave my kids alone with her. The kids have specifically asked not to be left alone because of things she has said to them. My son was told he was a disgrace to the family because of the music he listens to (not country) and that just because his parents are f’ing idiots he doesn’t have to be one too. I don’t have to “poison” my kids against this grandparent she does it all on her own. My kids also choose to spend time with her though because they love daddy and they know that this whole situation hurts him. Kids are very perceptive all on their own! My MIL now just tells anyone who will listen what a horrible person I am – if they can’t get a rise out of you they will try change others perception of you. As I see it though those that know me know it’s hogwash, those that don’t , well hopefully they were taught that you shouldn’t always believe rumours

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Anon January 9, 2017 at 10:27 am

NEVER waste your breath confronting a narcissist! They will continually escalate it until they feel they have won! My mother in law has finally started to play nice after years of me just agreeing with whatever she says no matter how ridiculous.ie) I don’t feed my kids.(how do they survive on no food). My husband does all the work with the kids(interesting as he is at work 14 hours a day and is gone before they wake up and usually not home till after they are asleep) I keep the grandkids away from her (every summer I drive myself and kids MANY hours away to spend a month with all the family and usually only see my parents on my side of the family so we can be available if my MIL decides she is available to see kids) I don’t make them welcome in our house (but they show up every couple of months anyways) I said “oh well, who fucking cares” when my husbands grandfather died (I loved that man very much and told him I was adopting him as my grandpa even when my husband and I were still only dating. I raced around trying to book my husband on a flight to get him there quicker and tried to wrap up everything at school so kids could leave school early – it was final week of school). She finally knows she can’t get a reaction out of me because I truly don’t care what she says – I know she is a narcissist. I won’t keep my kids from her because my cousins were kept from my grandpa and they missed out on knowing him. However I also won’t leave my kids alone with her. The kids have specifically asked not to be left alone because of things she has said to them. My son was told he was a disgrace to the family because of the music he listens to (not country) and that just because his parents are f’ing idiots he doesn’t have to be one too. I don’t have to “poison” my kids against this grandparent she does it all on her own. My kids also choose to spend time with her though because they love daddy and they know that this whole situation hurts him. Kids are very perceptive all on their own! My MIL now just tells anyone who will listen what a horrible person I am – if they can’t get a rise out of you they will try change others perception of you. As I see it though those that know me know it’s hogwash, those that don’t , well hopefully they were taught that you shouldn’t always believe rumours

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Poly January 16, 2017 at 9:17 pm

Leave now. Don’t have children with this man and go. Save yourself.

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Tracie Altabet October 9, 2016 at 9:12 am

While having the experience of a NMIL, I am relieved to hear others stories & experienes. My husband & I have been married 21 years. In that time, she has treated my husband as if he were a child, has been big time passive aggressive with me & tried moving on to control our daughters. She insisted on having their phone numbers (which they were uncomfortable with due to their experience with her boundary issues) & made herself a victim to her other two sons when we wouldn’t agree to give it to her. She wouldn’t speak to my husband when he defended our right to say no to her & wouldnt allow him to come to his sister’s funeral if I accompanied him.
The oddest thing about her is that she accuses my husband of following my lead, when she insists on him following hers. We all love his dad, but he doesn’t see her manipulation problems. Unfortunately, we have had to discontinue our relationship with them, but our lives have been so much more peaceful since we did.

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Bec October 13, 2016 at 10:42 am

Omg this is such a revelation! Been having issues with the MIL, she has 2 sons and a daughter. Noone is good enough for her sons and she constantly makes rude little comments to my partner about me when im not there. I have raised my partners son since 2 and we have one son together and twins on the way. I have had so much anxiety trying to understand her being the way she is and how she csnt respect the fact i am the mother of her grandchildren. My partner for years has helped his dad with projects etc that his dad does as he has the mental capacity of a teenager since an accident (FIL). His memory is bad, and MIL takes full advantage of this and creates scenarios that never happened, or puts a apin on situations that make me the bad guy. FIL sides with her to keep the peace. So basically last straw has been when my husband asked her for 150 loan for 1 wk to showcase the pieces he and his dad had made in an art gallery. She went OFF started bringing up all the times he had failed her, then started in on me and that if i w as a better partner we wouldnt need to loan money and started beinging up some.of those fights where shes twisted the situatiom ( one being.my baby shower where she was blatantly rude to all the guests and myself, to the point where ppl were approaching me asking if she wasnt happy about the baby etc, when questio n ed about this by my husband she faked a suicide attempt to end discussion but has now twisted it to i was really rude to her and she has a video of the shower her daughter took showing her playing games..?) And my partner finally had enough and stuck up for me. She then pretended she had been frightened and would call the police if he attempted to come round and resolve this with her. As my partner was leaving she shouted go bacj to your hussy…something i often yell when ‘frightened’. She then convinced FIL my husband had stole things from their house, things i distinctly remember them saying we shiuld take for the kids sich as pokemon cards etc. All these things we still have and the kids use…when pointing this out the topic changes to whinge about something else. I said to my partner at wnd of day its his family ill support him in what he wants to do but i cant be part of it anymore, she stresses me out and obviously dislikes me so cant se us getting on. We had a brief period where she was like my best friend…she has taken things i said to her during those times and making huge deals of them now so i rwalise she was never a friend it all.served her end game of getting me away from her.son. my partner has decided she is toxic and he doesnt want her rubbing off on our kids…hard situation for him as hes only jow starting to realise hows hes been manipulated by her in the past. This woman called her own son scum and said if he lay with me hed decrease to my.level. to be clear i am a very independent. Woman…my level is a home owner good mother and full supporter of my husband yet se claims im trying to steal his money…he doesnt have any lol. Every claim she makes now that we’ve figured out what ahes like is just more and more ridiculous and my partner decided to first limit contact, then cut it when she couldnt help herself and posted all over facebook etc about the argument, withheld money owed to us, and made up several situation where we’ve mistreated her….all lies. Its been a month since my partner has spoken t i her and he is a different person!!!! So leas stressed. Hed always seemed still a boy beforw but now he seems a man. Dont know where to go from here tho

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Jonita October 13, 2016 at 4:03 pm

Oh. My. Word. I needed this article. I married my amazing husband 6 months ago. Our relationship is amazing. The only difficulty has been his mom. I honestly think I have a bit of PTSD after a horrible phone conversation several days before my wedding. She berated me for no reason for 45 minutes. I’ve never had a conversation like that in my entire life…and did my best to keep cool and say calmly, “I’m sorry you feel that way” and “That’s not true…” while providing logical evidence. If it had happened any other time, I probably would have hung up the phone. She can be nice and charming on some occasions, but now I am anxious to call or see her and have basically adopted the ‘low contact’ approach. Thankfully, my husband knows she’s this way and has stood up for me repeatedly. It is hard to let go of the healthy, positive MIL relationship I envisioned, though. We live in his home country away from my family and I wish I could have a relationship with my MIL similar to what I have with my own mom. It’s not going to happen. And I’m starting to accept that. I have a hard time watching her be verbally abusive to my husband…like the fact that she picks on him about his weight (the guy goes to the gym multiple times a week–he’s actually lost about 70 pounds since he was an overweight kid, teen and young adult in her care). Any tips or advice for me to support him during those episodes? Obviously, I try to encourage and support him and tell him how I think he’s incredibly attractive…but I know his mom’s words eat at him unlike anyone else’s.

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Anonymous November 7, 2016 at 7:51 pm

Don’t ever think anything you say or do will change her. It will get worse the nicer you are and harder you try will only make her feel like she’s in control. DO not get close to her or share any personal information with her… she WILL use it against you. Do not ever trust her or think things are getting better. She is a sick woman with a narcissist disease. Please for the sake off your marriage set boundaries now and above all believe that she is the person she showed herself to be. I have been married to my husband for 8 years and this will only be the beginning if you allow her to enter your life. It is a sad truth. Trust me I have lived it. It doesn’t get better only worse…. if you allow it. Your husband and you need to be united and continue to know that that will save you from her

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Lisa January 8, 2017 at 9:30 am

I agree with anonmous. You can’t ever be to friendly or nice with a narcissitic mother in law. It was such a shock for me to come from a family myself of open minded kind people. My mother in law treated me like the other woman initially. I was shy and afraid of her at first but over time you hold your head up high and say lady, you are not going to ruin my life. If she says something snarky, ignore her and walk away. Be very firm with boundaries. I have literally had to say the word “no” to her. She will say I am stopping by your house in an hour. I say “no, that is not going to work today”. Hang up the phone. If she shows up, draw the blinds and don’t open the door. You just have to be very firm and blunt. If you are like me and try to be nice, it can be hard. But you need to continually be firm and blunt. Don’t feel guilty. The narcissist is skilled in trying to turn things on you. Don’t ever trust or give away personal info either. My husband has never been able to fully admit his mother is a nasty lady. He is a people pleaser and he just wants to be loved and accepted by her. He does not understand it is not his fault he can’t please her. But, at least he allows me to set the boundaries for our family. So she ultimately has very little control over things. It is not your fault and be strong. Don’t ever feel guilty by setting boundaries. That is how narcissist thrive, through guilting people and pretending to be the victim. It is not you. Always remember that this person is self centered and that is all they can view the world as- a means to end to meet their own needs.

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Kim October 21, 2016 at 9:17 am

Hey Michelle,

I am at my wits end. My boyfriend and I are going on 5 years relationship. 3 months into our relationship I accidentally got pregnant. She is going on 4 next month, and honestly the best thing that has happened to be, but I find myself starting to resent my child due to my bf’s mother. 18 years ago, she found out she wsa pregnant with her 3rd child (13 years between him and my boyfriend) she thought she was going through menopause. This pregnancy sent her into a deep depression and she tried to commit suicide. She hasn’t been well since and is on medications. 3 years ago, she took 6 pain meds at one time and was given a shot of Narcan (the paramedic, was like shes been doing well haven’t been over here in a while) they knew her from going over there often. She for a while called my daughter a different name (Marlena, which is what she wanted to call her daughter if she ever had one), which I found to be very disrepsectpul to me. She has fallen asleep walking through a grocery store. so my dilemma is, I have never felt comfortable with this women caring for my daughter. (They are full blooded portugese) so in that culture vavo (grandmother) always raises the child. I am not portuguese (THANK GOD), and I always wanted my daughter in daycare. I saw her raise her grandson and there were a lot of things that she did that I didn’t agree with. There were days we would go over there and she wouldtn get out of bed. I couldnt bank on wondering if everyday she was going to be able to watch my child but I got a lot of crap for putting her in daycare. I allowed her to watch her one day a week and let me tell you I was a wreck all day. Last year, daycare informed me that my daughter told her that vavo put her in her car and she didnt sit in a car seat. I told my bf and he was like well who put that in her head. (She was under her car because my sister was in labor and I had to go to the hospital, otherwise she wouldtn be) I never addressed the issue as my boyfriend always defends them.
Within the past 6 months, she has been in and out of 3 different psychiatric facilites, one where she was court ordered after being arrested for purposely driving her vehicle into her daughters in laws car and said she did not care if her grandson was in the car. The entire family caters to this women and nothing is ever allowed to be said to her for fear that she will try to kill herself. I do not want my daughter sleeping there and just recently she keeps asking my bf if she can pick my daughter up from daycare. (I am just not comfortable with that, especially after her most recent behavior) the problem is my boyfriend does not have my back and told her that I dotn feel comfortable, well when I went over there the other day i went to give her a kiss and she told me she would not kiss me because my kisses are fake. and im fake because I don’t trust her with picking my daughter up. My boyfriend feels like he owes his mother and always gets mad at me for not allowing my daughter to stay there and be watched by her. Everytime I try to talk to him he turns it around and make sme feel like the bad guy when all im doing is watching out for my daughter. The one time last year I let her sleep over, i found out the next day she ahd to call the daughter in law at 1am to give my daughter tyelnol (Not taht I would want her to if she didnt feel comfortable, but If you cant distribute tylenol to my child, how should I feel comfortable. what if something very serious happen, would she know what to do?) I just don’t know how to handle this situtation anymore. It has been 4 years of this and I dotn get any support and no one knows the next time she will have one of her “episodes” and I dont want my daughter around when it happens.
Any suggestions would be helpful.

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VAL October 25, 2016 at 1:02 pm

My goodness!!! I’ve been looking for a place where people can relate. My husband and I got married back in July of this year. He has a brother who is 3 years younger (26) and a sister (21), making him the oldest. His parents split up about 5 years. His mother had him at 17, she has never worked a day in her life. His father supports her and his sister. The father left her the house and pretty much everything else. He sends her money every week and just disappears on them all. This woman thinks she owns absolutely everything. His DADS house is hers, HIS cars are HERS, HIS farm is hers, EVRYTHING!!! The house is really a duplex, and guess where we live? yes, you guessed is, right next door. His dad left the rent very cheap for us and its very very big, so we don’t want to move out right now. but this woman knows everything that goes on, she tries and acts like she is my friend and like she likes me to get things out of me (which I know better) but it drives me crazy. And its weird, its not like hes a mommas boy, but he can be. She depends on EVERYONE to do things for her, and she doesn’t ask, she demands as if it is owed to her! and of course, everyone does it!!! Including my husband! his brother lives a few miles away with his GF, and he doesn’t even tell their mom where he lives so that she doesn’t get into their business (smart man). But his sister is just as bad as his mother. 21, and this little girl is another monster. she is such a little hater and its a constant competition. I cant mention to her or her mother anything I am looking to buy, bc low and behold, a short few days later, they go out and buy it, knowing that I cant because I am not currently working (they shove it my face, and it drives me crazy, it works!). The sister and the mother have the strangest relationship, they use the bathroom together, they make these annoying inside jokes, when I say something they look at each other and smirk, but then they get into these fights where the mother calls her ugly and uses profanity. The mother also gets into these fights with my husband, she calls him horrible names and acts like she’s 18. then when she fights with him, she yells things like “I don’t want these b*$#@’s in this house anymore”, so that she can instigate a fight. I cant deal with her. I kind of want to kill her with kindness, her and his sister, but they make is difficult. ADVICE PLEASE!!!

Oh!!! and ive been telling my husband I want to go to Disney for the food and wine festival, guess where she is going next month for her Bday? and then she invites us but she knows im not working right now so we wont be able to go. but she keeps inviting us almost everyday for the last 2 weeks.

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VAL October 25, 2016 at 1:21 pm

I forgot to mention how she ruined our wedding day. My husband had a lot to drink so he was sitting at our sweetheart table, he told me he was completely gone but wanted me to continue to enjoy my day. so I got up and continued dancing. HIS mother got up from her table and grabbed him and pulled him out of the place! then she came for me and grabbed me and told me that I need to leave and be with my husband. when I told her I was going to tell my parents I had to go bc my husband was feeling sick, she grabbed me harder and told me not to say anything to anyone and to just go. My husband and I paid for that wedding on our own. We spent a big chunk of money to be ending that day 2 hours short!!! I walked to her car where she had him and he told me to go back in and enjoy my night. he didn’t even seem to know what was going on. I feel like she should have never taken him away from our wedding, and if she really needed to, she should have dragged him to the bathroom and wash his face and tell him to get it together. Not pull him away from my side and ruin my night!. I am so upset about it. But I don’t think I could ever tell her. I feel like its been too long now to mention. but really, I couldn’t believe she did that. and then she would walk in and out of the room to tell me I had to go because he was calling me. Which was all a lie, bc he told him that he ended up knocking out.

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Anonymous November 12, 2016 at 3:39 am

Now my story with my narcissistic mother, who tries to destroy my relationship and to manipulate everyone who is in contact to me or my girlfriend. She controlled my whole childhood by controlling what I should eat, what I should buy or what I should do in life. She only did something for my when it matched with her conditions. For example I would only get new clothes, if she comes along and chooses. She would never just give me money to buy what I want. She never gave me freedom to make my own choices. So money was always a big issue and a perfect tool for manipulation, control and abuse. But things got even worse when I moved out to study and then moved even further away to a different country. Having contact with her never felt right and so I decreased it to a minimum after I left home (it was already little when I was still at home). I’ve found a deep and unconditional relationship, a good flat and a good college, so everything was fine with me but at our first meetings with my girlfriend she showed us her real evil side. Ever since she tried everything to cause doubt in our relationship. At first we wondered why we always felt bad after a visit from my parents and why we would always argue for the next days on. Later we found out that she was talking bad about me to my girlfriend and bad about my girlfriend to me. If we wouldn’t talk about everything what she did and said, we would have had serious problems in our relationship. As a result my relationship with my mother became even more distant. I also recognized the triangulation effects in my family, I have three bothers and we barely talk to each other.
But one thing really made me furious. She called one day and said that my father had betrayed her after 46 years of marriage with a younger woman and that he would leave her alone with the house. We never heard the side of my father, because he also have some personality disorders I guess, not being able to talk about his feelings with his sons etc. As a result I visited them back home with very mixed feelings concerning my father and pity with the life of my mother. When I told them that I don’t want to take sides, as both of them should seek help, my mother got very manipulative. She acted very friendly towards my dad, but started to talk bad about him when he wasn’t around. Telling me how he never really cared about me, how he never really wanted to support me etc. I was really sad and angry with my father. She also manipulated my brothers to be on her side. At that point I really advised her to seek help, as I thought that my “devilish” father, as she described and his affair try to destroy her. When I got back home she called all the time telling me how bad my father is etc. But it was awkward, that she never really listend to my advises to seek help or get a lawyer. She didn’t even seem to be bothered that my father betrayed her, she behaved as nothing happened. She never considered our honest advices or accepted our help. At that point the things she said and did really made no sense to me at all. And as I told her that I can’t help her and that it hurts me when she tells me all the bad things about my dad, she really got aggressive and abusive. She came over for a “visit” and all she did was yelling at me and my girlfriend, being verbally abusive and basically telling us that she owns us, as I am still finishing college and my father supports me. As a result I told her that I don’t want to talk to her for a while and that I need time. What really struck me is that she is now telling all my family members the worst things about my girlfriend, who had nothing to do with this whole thing (she even talked to her and tried to help her and mediated between us).

My girlfriend recently recognized that both my parents but especially my mother have narcissistic personalty traits. And I couldn’t be happier with the insights and thoughts my girlfriend gave me on this topic. Having found this blog, really is an insight because all your stories seem so familiar.
I know that not having contact is the only healing thing then I can do right now, but being a student who needs support of his parents, it is really hard to cope with.

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James November 12, 2016 at 3:39 am

Now my story with my narcissistic mother, who tries to destroy my relationship and to manipulate everyone who is in contact to me or my girlfriend. She controlled my whole childhood by controlling what I should eat, what I should buy or what I should do in life. She only did something for my when it matched with her conditions. For example I would only get new clothes, if she comes along and chooses. She would never just give me money to buy what I want. She never gave me freedom to make my own choices. So money was always a big issue and a perfect tool for manipulation, control and abuse. But things got even worse when I moved out to study and then moved even further away to a different country. Having contact with her never felt right and so I decreased it to a minimum after I left home (it was already little when I was still at home). I’ve found a deep and unconditional relationship, a good flat and a good college, so everything was fine with me but at our first meetings with my girlfriend she showed us her real evil side. Ever since she tried everything to cause doubt in our relationship. At first we wondered why we always felt bad after a visit from my parents and why we would always argue for the next days on. Later we found out that she was talking bad about me to my girlfriend and bad about my girlfriend to me. If we wouldn’t talk about everything what she did and said, we would have had serious problems in our relationship. As a result my relationship with my mother became even more distant. I also recognized the triangulation effects in my family, I have three bothers and we barely talk to each other.
But one thing really made me furious. She called one day and said that my father had betrayed her after 46 years of marriage with a younger woman and that he would leave her alone with the house. We never heard the side of my father, because he also have some personality disorders I guess, not being able to talk about his feelings with his sons etc. As a result I visited them back home with very mixed feelings concerning my father and pity with the life of my mother. When I told them that I don’t want to take sides, as both of them should seek help, my mother got very manipulative. She acted very friendly towards my dad, but started to talk bad about him when he wasn’t around. Telling me how he never really cared about me, how he never really wanted to support me etc. I was really sad and angry with my father. She also manipulated my brothers to be on her side. At that point I really advised her to seek help, as I thought that my “devilish” father, as she described and his affair try to destroy her. When I got back home she called all the time telling me how bad my father is etc. But it was awkward, that she never really listend to my advises to seek help or get a lawyer. She didn’t even seem to be bothered that my father betrayed her, she behaved as nothing happened. She never considered our honest advices or accepted our help. At that point the things she said and did really made no sense to me at all. And as I told her that I can’t help her and that it hurts me when she tells me all the bad things about my dad, she really got aggressive and abusive. She came over for a “visit” and all she did was yelling at me and my girlfriend, being verbally abusive and basically telling us that she owns us, as I am still finishing college and my father supports me. As a result I told her that I don’t want to talk to her for a while and that I need time. What really struck me is that she is now telling all my family members the worst things about my girlfriend, who had nothing to do with this whole thing (she even talked to her and tried to help her and mediated between us).

My girlfriend recently recognized that both my parents but especially my mother have narcissistic personalty traits. And I couldn’t be happier with the insights and thoughts my girlfriend gave me on this topic. Having found this blog, really is an insight because all your stories seem so familiar.
I know that not having contact is the only healing thing then I can do right now, but being a student who needs support of his parents, it is really hard to cope with.

Reply

Teresa Wood November 20, 2016 at 2:34 pm

I have a narccistic mother in law myself . just not yr never going to get anywhere if you keep letting poison knock at yr door day after day . don’t ever let them have there way or she will always get her way . cut all ties out of yr every day life or els u won’t ever have one . don’t ever catter to the needs or they will think it’s all about them . If u alow yr husband’s to daily take the NDP side he will never b on yr side . you take the winners circle not her and don’t believe a single word from a NPD mother in law or she will always win .

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Jay November 24, 2016 at 6:06 am

I come from a a very close family sometimes
Suffoacafing close I am the oldest of 4. None of my siblings are married
My mom and my wife have it gotten along and most of that comes from the constant nit picking from my mom to my wife. My wife doesn’t want my mom spending alone time with her first granddaughter due to the constant disrespect. My wife and my mom got into a big fight and now my mom has pit all my sibling against me and haven’t talked to them in months even though i tried to reach out to them. My mom is manipulative and tells half truths loves to gossip and play victim

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Sara J November 24, 2016 at 11:54 am

Im so happy you seen what your mother os doing to your wife. Im in the same situation as your wife but my husband doesnt acknowledge his mother being rude to me, but he will instantly acknowledge me saying the slightest thing wrong infront of his family. And now because of me being sick of havong to stick up for myself, and defending myself when something is said, she is “uncomfortable” to be around me. She told my hunbamd she is not comin over for our first christmas with our daughter. I was angry she made him upset so i called her and asked if she could put her feelings aside fkr one day so she could spend Christmas with her son and grandcgild abd she said no. Now my husband wants to take my child ro her place christmas day(i sure as hell dont want to go). I told him if she wants to see our child she can cpme here that day. And he wants tj go their when she said clear as day she doesnt want to come here to see her son or grandchild. So why go there! And now he wants to take our daughter to her place because its not fair for her to not see their granddaughter. I never once said she couldnt come here! I see it as she doesnt want to come here so why let her get her way and go there. (Also he thinks it ok to take my daughter away from me for a bit on christmas day just to see this woman)And He doesnt understand what she is doing to our relationship. I told him to talk to her and tell her she is hell on our relationship but he wont. He says he doesnt want to upset her. But he is upsetting me! How do i tell him to support me and have my back when he sees his mom as perfect and not doing anything wrong!

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Jason November 27, 2016 at 6:53 am

Sara,

I hate that it has gotten to this point between my wife and mom. My wife tells me your sleeping next time every night to your mom. If you are going to back your mom and family you can leave me and stay with your family. My mom wants me and the baby to go over the house without my wife. My wife won’t allow it until my mom and her has things out because she will be giving my mom what she wants if she is excluded. She clearly doesn’t want to see you. He is going to have to choose between his mommy and you. Killing me my three siblings don’t talk to me now for over month and a half. Sick of them getting involved none of them are married and my mom bitches about my wife all the time makes her to be so negative in front of my family.

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Jason November 27, 2016 at 6:55 am

*wife tells me your sleeping next to me everynight not your mom.

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Sara J December 13, 2016 at 7:53 pm

Hi Sara

I wish I understood about narcissism when I married at age 23
There was no internet and I was basically clueless and had absolutely no clue what was going on in my life. I married into a narcistic family with a Mil from hell
She was beautiful rich and charming but the most evil person
I thought things would get better when…… But when …. Never came
My husband could not would not see what was going on
We both tried very hard for way too long
She and my sil made our lives a living hell they bad mouthed us to everyone and everyone they could even going to the extreme to donate six thousand dollars to our church to get our minister to come to visit them in so she could bad mouth us to our minister
It never got better it almost ruined our marriage she ruined our kids christening first birthday you name it she destroyed everything she could in our lives
I wish I had been smart enough to cut her out of our lives but I wasn’t

Eventually she told us after extensive family counselling that she could not be bothered with our girls aged 2 and 4 she was too busy with her friends!
about 8 years later told my husband he was cut out of the will which he was
Then she told all the relatives that we cut her off ??

If I had to do it all over I would never have married my husband knowing how hard my life was going to be because of my husband Mil Sil
My advice is get your husband into counselling let the counsellor know that you are dealing with an Nmil

Don’t let her try to separate you from your husband and child for visitsYou must keep a united front she is trying to destroy your marriage

My husband avoided confrontation tried to please her which caused so many fights
He needs help to understand what is going on

Move far far away

Not with standing she is six feet under and amazingly w are still married 35 years later

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Nelle December 4, 2016 at 6:44 pm

I am having such a hard time forgiving my mother in law. It bothers me so bad that I have trouble sleeping. I am even at the point that I recent my husband for not believing me or taking me serious when I tell him what his mother did! I am to the point of filing for divorce. I don’t want him to choose I just want him to defend me when she’s being mean to me. I’m at my wit’s end! Let me tell you why I’m having trouble forgiving her. They live on a ranch. My best friend was there visiting with us. We were going to barbecue so we went to gather firewood from the fence line that we had cut several months before. I rode in the back of the truck. My best friend rode in the cab with my mother in law. She speed up going as fast as she could trying to throw me out. She hit the bumps as hard as she could. My best friend was shocked that this was going on. She told me she kept looking in her merror

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Nelle December 4, 2016 at 6:49 pm

I am having such a hard time forgiving my mother in law. It bothers me so bad that I have trouble sleeping. I am even at the point that I recent my husband for not believing me or taking me serious when I tell him what his mother did! I am to the point of filing for divorce. I don’t want him to choose I just want him to defend me when she’s being mean to me. I’m at my wit’s end! Let me tell you why I’m having trouble forgiving her. They live on a ranch. My best friend was there visiting with us. We were going to barbecue so we went to gather firewood from the fence line that we had cut several months before. I rode in the back of the truck. My best friend rode in the cab with my mother in law. She speed up going as fast as she could trying to throw me out. She hit the bumps as hard as she could. My best friend was shocked that this was going on. She told me she kept looking in her mirror and was laughing. I tell my husband about it he laughs and says mom would never do that. Even with my friend as a witness he still don’t believe me. I could have took the low road and had her but arrested but I didn’t. It’s so bad now I don’t even want to go their house. Please help!

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Lisa January 8, 2017 at 9:43 am

I have been in your shoes and been for counseling over this. Your husband grew up with his mother and simply can’t or won’t see how she is. It is very painful for a husband to have to chose between his wife and his mother. Believe me when I say he sees what his mother does but it is probably very embarrassing for him to admit. My husband comes from the stiff upper lip family where men are not express themselves either. So if I am to stay married, I don’t talk about his mother. He can’t handle it. However, you can say I have rights and if your mom chooses to continue to disrespect me, I will not be attending a get together at their house, etc. you draw boundaries. Try not to put yourself in situations where your mother in law has the upper hand. If you want to have kids, you need to ask yourself if your husband is strong enough to back you up with rules for your child. I told my husband right up front, if we have kids I will decide who babysits them, etc. He may not agree with my opinion of his mother but he still allows me to did for our family. This is crucial. I can’t stress this enough. If you are still young and want kids but your husband can’t back you up, you should consider divorce. Toxic in laws that are kept at bay are not a problem but only if your spouse lets you be the decider.

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Zil January 15, 2017 at 12:58 pm

Nelle

N mils are very very seriously dangerous people. If you have no children (or even if you do) you really might have to accept that you have married into a very sick dynamic.

At 50 years old (with a new husband aged 40) I found myself dealing with an Nmil and ultimately – after many months of crazy (lies, spin, fabrication, attempted suicide by hubby, police involvement, stalking us (via her flying monkeys of course) I told him that if he was not willing to stand up to her and set boundaries with her – then I must get away from him to protect myself and my mental health. And I meant it.

I said he was welcome to his family but I did not sign up for this level of abuse and I MUST and WILL protect myself – regardless of my desire to stay married – but not at the cost of my health.

He realised 2 things. 1. I was deadly serious and 2. I was not manipulating him to do my bidding (many ‘adult children’ of narcs think everyone is trying to control them so be careful how you word your position).

Ultimately I said If you will not get her out of our marriage and our life then I must get away from you – with sadness but I will leave. Not a threat – just a fact of self preservation.

That was 6 years ago and after a stalking incident he suddenly realised the ten shades of crazy he was dealing with. We went to a lawyer and drafted up a CEASE and DESIST letter and had it sent registered post. One for his parents and one for his mothers equally narc sister.

Protect yourself. As I say – do not underestimate how dangerous these people are

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Anonymous January 17, 2017 at 1:27 am

You need to stay away from her, also have your kids away from her. It sounds like your MIL and my MIL share something in common. If your husband keep forcing you and your kids to be involved with his family. You need to divorce him. You don’t have to forgive your MIL, because that will only give her more opportunities to hurt you, As the matter of fact, you need to remember what she did, so you can alert yourself not to allow something like that or worse to happen to you ever again.

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Heidi December 5, 2016 at 2:49 pm

Wow, this has been so insightful & encouraging to know how many others deal with people like this! I have 2 sister’s, & we may came to the realization our mom was narcissistic about 5yrs ago. Didn’t know much what to do about it… We were raised conservative Christian, so that already days children obey w/o question, so that worked perfectly for her. All through my teens and 20’s I ‘obeyed’ through fear, walking on eggshells around her every day. Anything could start her off. A spoken tone she didn’t like, something not beyond done like I wad time… And then we’d be in for an hr us, or her yelling, blaming my dad mostly for everything awful in her life. She would help at him too, call him every name, recall every thing done and said by his family in the last 10yrs. Now I’m 30,and realizing how enmeshed this is. She often uses the line ‘I’m the parent!’ any time I stand up to her, or want to do something she doesn’t care for. I’m in a serious relationship & finding so much strength and freedom worth his support. My sister’s and I are VERY close & continue to support each other through these battles. She thinks my bf and my brother in laws owe her for raising good solid daughters.. And says it often. I don’t even know how to combat that, & wonder if it’s even worth it. Anyone else run into this?

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Gabriel Brown (soon to be Tibbitts) December 21, 2016 at 5:03 pm

Hey my name is Gabriel Brown,
I am soon to be married to Terry Tibbitts, I have a extremely narcissistic MIL! My fiancé (whom is currently incarcerated, for something that happened years ago and someone else did and already served time for it) knows he has a narcissistic miter and sister, however he is a family man and doesn’t know what to do about them! They broke into our home a month’s ago and tried to kick me out of our home! We are still paying on this place (which means I have been paying on it now but that is fine with me since I am living there). Be started buying this place before we got together, his mother found this place for him (which is a trailer that is run down and is barely liveable); it was this way before he moved in. So, to show how much she really cares about him she helped him find a run down trailer to buy; anyways the trailer isn’t worth much but the land is OK but is on the side of a hill and the ground is full of rocks so building a house will be hard! Anyways, she has fits all of the time saying since he is in jail she is control of this place and what she says goes! Her name is not on the deed, it is a rent to own home, so the name is still in the original owners name! He let her put the power bill in her name before we got together and she will not take her name off the power bill! I have been paying it but since I refuse to give her money without her giving me a receipt she blows up! She tries to play his whole family against me, which they tell her that they do not want in it except her daughter and younger sister (whom broke into me house). She calls me all sorts of names calls me fat, a piece of shit, lazy (I work two jobs and take care of my dad and my fiance and I 3 dogs), etc. The list goes on and on! I am chunky I’m 50lbs over weight but I have a huge chest and think mucsler thighs! I have always been a think girl, even as a baby! I have always had a job and I always take care of my responsibilities! I have had some hardship lately because my car kept breaking down, I lost my last job and went three weeks without a job (she would call me lazy before I lost my job, mainly because I wouldn’t give her money, I work for my money she can do the same, on top of that she has a husband that pays all the bills and buys her anything just to keep her from snapping on him). She calls me a whore (she even calls her own children names like this, her daughter is just like that’s my mom what is she going to do). She has gone as far as accusing me of throughing myself on her husband , he is old enough to be my dad, to that’s disgusting to me! She tells my fiance that I am sleeping with all of these guys out here and I am not good enough for him! She told him I was sleeping with my own dad (like bitch that is so fucked up on levels I can’t even explain)! Now, she is telling everybody that she is going to have me thrown in jail (I work two jobs at which on ibhave to be drug tested ones a month, I do not do drugs), she stole $5 out of my car and a liquid lipstick that cost an arm and leg, she has followed me around and took pictures of me, she has come to my house when I wasn’t there and hit our dogs, she has played people against me and him, she wants me to let her control my money that I work for, and last but not least she has talked about my family (whom is pretty messed up too, and there is adequate people like her in my family too so I don’t really have much to do with them either). I am to the point that if she doesn’t stop with her shenanigans I am going to take all of the evidence against her and her daughter and get a restraining order for them to stay away from both of us!! This woman has no respect for bondries, neither does her sister or her daughter! Her sister can be confronted and she will leave us alone but his mom and his sister will not! He keeps telling me he is done with them but I honestly just want them to be normal and respect our wishes as a couple. Do I really have to go that far? I have npd family members and they respect my wishes about staying away from me, why can’t they?

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Mike December 29, 2016 at 11:44 am

I am a male with a narcissistic mother in law and for the last 38 years have put up with all kinds of mistreatment including extended periods where I was not spoken to or my MIL left when I came in ( max 3 months) In order to ‘keep the peace’ in our relationship I did whatever my wife asked for all this time, often apologising for something that I had been joking about and she took seriously as she has no sense of humour at all and I am a very sarcastic person who laughs at himself as much at anything else.
My MIL was controlling of my wife to a certain degree and through her me but was more controlling over her husband who was virtually a slave
She also tried to control my three daughters but had issues there as they are wel educated and free spirited and this upset her to the extent that from time to time she would exclude them
Two years ago however her ‘slave’ unfortunately died fron cancer he was ill for two years and most of the time all we heard was how upsetting and inconvenient this was for her. Not how sad her husband was dying.
After he sadly passed things got really bad. She needed a new person to completely dominate and chose my wife. She made her life hell on earth dragging things up from the past and blaming my wife for them and forgetting anything good. This continued with her falling out permanently with my youngest daughter aged 26 as she refused to do something for her exactly when required and eventually with me when I pointed out that she was the cause of the issues not anyone else.
About six months ago my wife started counselling in order to try to deal with her mother and we discovered that her mother was a narcissist. Suddenly everything was in perspective.
My wife limited contact with her but this just aggravated the situation.
Yesterday it came to a head as I told my MIL what I thought of her, how she had abused her daughter for her whole life and how it was her actions that were driving everyone away.
As you can guess we are now on non contact and as my mother in law has already ostracised her own sister for over 20 years I am hoping for a long period of peace. My daughters and myself can cope but my heart goes out to my wife who has now found out that her mother was not what she always thought and has been told by her mother that she is not longer part of her family. For her it is like a bereavement.
Writing this has helped me so thanks
My wife limited contact

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Ja March 9, 2017 at 2:24 pm

Your story reminded me of when my sweet FIL was dying. It was not about his death, it was all about NMIL and her constant “needs”. He died of cancer. But all the while NMIL would drone on about, “What’s going to happen to me? Who is going to clean my walls? Who will clean the windows? Who will change the light bulbs?” And on and on about herself. It was so sad. He was dying the awful death of cancer but who would wash the windows?

Too many ugly NMIL stories to tell. Of course Everything Was My Fault. She once tried to blame a rainstorm on me… Wish I had that kind of power.

I stayed because of our children, but had I known the Hell she would put me through I never would have married my husband. No way.

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Tiffany January 3, 2017 at 8:27 am

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year, he lives with his mum and thinks it’s his responsibility to take care of her by living with her(which I see responsibility in another way, don’t have to live with someone to take care of someone).

So,things didn’t get serious until recently, for the first 6months we had arguments, disagreements, it’s just the process of getting to know each other differently than expected. But now, we are much better in expressing ourselves(FYI, my bf never had a girlfriend that will speak up or reason with him like me so he gets mad quite often before). He would actually use text message to push me away, like, break up, go away, don’t message me anymore etc. And I know this isn’t the way abnormal person would speak.

So, when his mum start to show her real deal, I knew where everything came from. His mum, is a typical manipulative mum. Ask him to do this and that for her, and just say coz she’s 66 and she’s having a back pain. Dude, my grandma had a stroke for 27years and she’s 67, she cleans and gets what she wants.

Other than that, she framed me, she pulled my bf to aside and told him that I shouted at her, my boyfriend, without giving me the matter of the doubt, stared at me and gave me attitude, and I just stood up, and say, if you’re going to give me this attitude, I’m just gna go. He said to me, oh so now you know how it feels. My answer was, one, you heard your mum’s side of the story, two, she shispered, three, she’s trying to stir up arguments. I told him, if my mum told me someone,or even want to tell me something I will ask the other person to join the conversation and let ME see the whole picture. But, this problem is solved by me just telling my bf to talk to his mum not moving the stuff in our room anymore and his mum took the stuff she need (without informing) to her own room.

It’s just, contant stepping into our room, our space and saying that he doesnt spend time with her,etc,then point at my face and just say I won’t talk to this woman, she won’t call me by name, only that person.

I told my bf about it but since he’s leaving for work, I asked him firmly, to bring this out and chat with her when I’m not around. He behaviour like this just makes me want to leave. And to be honest, no girl can stand her. She didn’t like any of her son’s ex anyways!

But it’s so hard for him coz I come from a super loving family

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Zil January 15, 2017 at 1:17 pm

Tiffany

You sound like a very intelligent person – you can do a lot better for your life than putting up with this sick dynamic.

Relationships are hard enough without having a third adult interfering – and when that third person is your partners mother AND he is not mature enough to realise how controlling she is – you are signing yourself up for a world of stress and heartache.

If she is a narcissist – and he still controlled by mommy – you are dating a child not a man.

Run away and fast

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TJ January 5, 2017 at 8:11 am

You missed something. If you decide to love the son of a NMIL, be ready to put on your armor and never take it off. Even at a great distance, with technology as it is, you will be at war. The tactics change continually, but the motives are always the same. Literally dying to her words, actions, and feelings is the way to win, not empathy. She manipulates every foothold she can get into you. Give her no purchase. Don’t hear, see, or pay attention, and ignore her when she is in your face screaming. She will move on to other tactics. Then when she starts loving on you, ignore that too. Every attempt to climb your wall needs to be ignored until you see a genuine pattern of faithfulness, and a true heart change. Even then, if the light switch flips and she returns to a screaming, bossy, dramatic banshee, the wall goes right back up again. Let her stay outside your inner circle so that you, your husband, and your children have a chance. When she sends your father in law, sister in law, or other relative or friend to reason with you, when she lays on the guilt, or she begins to play sick ignore all that too. Welcome the relative in, enjoy their company, sew seeds of doubt in the NMIL assessment of you, and send them on their way smiling. You have no fight with them. Be confident in who you are, and don’t listen to any other assessment coming from her direction. They don’t realize what they do. The greatest victory is the fruit of your labor: a safe home, a strong, free husband, and healthy, happy kids. Let her do what she wants in her own home, and don’t get involved. Keep your walls up, and keep your boundaries intact. Do not be distracted by her, because you are doing a good work, and for heaven’s sake don’t let her stop you.

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Jennifer January 12, 2017 at 3:21 am

Reading this actually helped. Thanks for such a great positive advice! 🙂

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Erin August 6, 2017 at 12:47 pm

Thank you for this. I needed to read this today.

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SnowWhite January 9, 2017 at 4:46 pm

Well, the nightmare begins again. My narcisstic mil has outlived her trust account at ninety years old and now must move back in with us from the retirement center in a few months. She made the cross country trip to live with us after her 10 year younger husband died of a heart attack. She insists she can’t stay the night alone (she can)….the one and only time we left her alone, she crawled into a corner that she “fell” into, wet herself and claimed that she fell shortly after we left the night before (we were home in app.15 hours). Doesn’t cook, doesn’t clean, doesn’t do laundry, does nothing but makes a mess, powder everywhere, nail polish everywhere, furniture ruined because of nail
polish remover. Is constantly in our business, invites herself everywhere and is socialky awkward and manages to direct all conversations around and about her. She’ll probably outlive us both! So much for traveling and enjoying the golden years!

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Mummas boy January 11, 2017 at 9:27 am

Well I am sporting bruises, scrapes,chunks of hair missing a large lump at the back of my head,bruised ribs and massaive bruises from my nmil plus a slap in the face from my partner which hurt more than all the rest..
I spent the last 4 days in bed n the police just put a domestic violence order application on my nmil n she admits to pulling my hair dragging me out of the house n swinging punches n he still gives me a slap in the mouth n is standing all hysterical screaming my mother ,my mother cause i pushed her over n she hit her head !!
What else do ya do when a physco is punching you ,dragging you by the hair outta the house you’ve been living in for 12mths when your tryin to just walk out because the bitch is crazy jealous!
I think most people would’ve done the same…
Evil is too good a word for this woman!!
All because I wanted to say happy birthday to my partner who sadly we had split due to her upcoming visit 29/1/16 he’s texting I want you to come home n I miss you n love you soo much..To 1/7/17 not even a happy New year n a text saying dont bother coming to my birtday party…
All because I refused to spend NYE n 3wks in the house with her n putting up with her throwing out our cleaning stuff n replacing it,rearranging our kitchen,refolding the linen cupboard n doing our washing, changing the washing powder n standing in the hall watching me clean tellin me I have dimples above my butt.. (which i find very strange) n comin into my work not speakin n just watching me..When she is here everything in our life is upheaved n she is very sneaky poking faces n rolling her eyes when i talk in the car, (i see her in the rear vision mirror)saying snide lil comments but always so her son wouldnt hear…
We dont get a minute alone n once we went out without her she sulked like lil child (yet she didnt wanna go where we were going) left 2 tvs going every light in the house on the doors unlocked n didnt eat any dinner…then had my partner in her room talkin for 2 hrs n he made her dinner..(she’s a very healthy 60 yo)
Next day they take off leave me home alone, no word?
I have stuck by this man through so much ,financial hardship,eviction,drinking gambling n abusiveness which normally only happened when she was here…and cancer!! Yes i even wiped his butt n got vommitted on by him..didnt care I adored him..
He seemed to think it was ok to be drunk n abusive when mummy was here because she would tell me when he was getting drunk n abusive “Dont u dare say a word to him..(.she even slapped his face once but I was still the bad guy) her boy does no wrong!!
He had been going to a councillor n was doing well we had a lovely christmas with my girls n I was just about to commit to moving back in n then she comes n hell breaks loose..Actually everytime she comes..
I was at the house (he gave me a key)to wish him happy bday and she came down the stairs raving like a lunatic for me to get outta “her” house.. (she doesnt even live in this state)
She saw him hugging me n went into a rage,told me i ruined her sons life (but im pretty sure at the age of 46 n never had a relationship b4 me that lasted more than 2yrs I think we can all work out who’s ruined his life)
She then tried to tell police I said something about her son who commited suicide on mothers day(which is true he did)…n said thats why she went into rage…
But I was too busy saying happy bday n i love you to her son n he was hugging me …Truth is she went into rage cause she thought her 4yrs of work of tryin to get rid of me had been undone in one hug!!
My partner n I have been engaged n lived together over 4yrs..He had lymphoma 7days after our engagement party n I went to the hospital everyday n payed all the bills..
I hadnt even moved the furniture in our new place n I had this woman for 8 mths he got the all clear n he had to actually ask her when she was going home..she had no plan to leave..
She came back 2 mths later n cotinued every july n new year n his bday staying at least 3wks at a time,causing conflict between us to the stage I stayed in my room…
He would take her shopping n out to lunch n dinner…
I would work a 10hr day n they would watch the cricket n couldnt even make a meal!!
I told him I wouldnt stay in the house with her n I guess he was okay with not seeing me for 3wks n no that’s not ok..
Surely he should see now that she has a problem!!
Afraid for me after him watching her belt crap outta me she can have her lil boy!!!
Seriously these type of woman are selfish n sick,get ur own life, move on n stop trying to get your emotional fix from your sons ,find a partner of your own…Worse type of child abuse I can think off…Never in my life have I heard I pronounce you husband ,wife n mother…

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Jennifer January 12, 2017 at 3:13 am

This is a fantastic article and reading some of your comments makes me feel so connected to you all. I can absolutely relate to how you feel. I’ve been in no contact with my own mother for over 2 years after a string of trouble that caused so much abuse to my husband and children I decided enough was enough. I’m a very sensitive person and always did what my mother tells me to do, to make her happy makes me happy it was all that matters. But growing up wasn’t easy. She was draining. She would call me names like ‘you’re a dumb slag that deserves to die, if only I strangled you when you was baby my life would be better’. I was always scared of her. For us this was part of a normal vocabulary in our daily lives. All me and my sibling suffered a fair amount of abuse from her. But for some reason she loved bullying me. She bullied me to a level where I started self harming. But that didn’t matter to her. All that matter was her feelings. She killed my 2 stray kittens when I was only 7 years old and used the excuse that stray cats were bad luck. She would get drunk and run around full on naked and spit and punch my dad if he said anything against her. She would threaten to hang herself in front of us and run outside in the dark for us to try and search for her. Our neighbours couldn’t handle the noise anymore they had to move. My dad would call the police when she grabs a knife and nearly killed him when she merely missed his head but an inch when he ran away from her. Yet when the police came she act as the innocent one and show the police all the bruises that my dad caused when all he did was defend himself. The police asked me to drive my mom to my house just to separate them. I did just that then she decides to open the car door while I was driving and run across the road like a mad woman. I just stood and cried. Luckily the police saw what happened and arrested her. The following day I had to pick her up at the police station. I was so upset but I still forgive her. I was mothering my own mother if you understand what I mean.

When I was pregnant she would argue with me then threatened that something bad will happen to my unborn child if I don’t treat her well. Now my child is 9 years old and has hearing problems and needs hearing aids, I feel so sad. I always has this fear that something bad will happen to him and I’m particularly over protective of him. When he was 6 he would get verbally abused from my sis in law then my parents would back her and says she has the right to smack my children if she wanted to. I said ‘no one hurts my children’ . As soon as I stood up to them I was suddenly a really bad bully who hated my sis in law for no reason. My parents even called my mother in law and tell her that I was a nasty trouble maker and a bad daughter. But luckily my mother in law stood up for me and said ‘shes not like that and every mother should defend their child’. They slam the phone then started a hate campaign against my mother in law that all her friends to hate her. She started feeling depressed.

My husband told me enough was enough and that its either ‘no-contact’ or our marriage will be destroyed. He said he will do all his will to protect our children and if I decide to still have contact with my parents then I’m on my own. I felt so weak and sad. I eventually decided ending my life was the only way forward and didn’t think of the consequence. I took an over dose. The ambulance came and my children was all crying for me to stay alive. I can’t believe I did such thing, but I was so depressed. I recovered and had therapy and saw my Dr regularly. They all agreed no contact was the way forward. Two years on I’ve blocked their number and their facebook and carried on with my life. My feelings are full of ups and downs. One minute I’m angry and next guilt-ridden. But only yesterday I had expressed to my hubby I still feel we should give them a chance, my husband was fuming. He said if I allow them back into our lives then I’m no difference to the abuser, he said he will do all his will to protect the kids. I cried and cried. Eventually I made a firm decision that my children are my world and I’m here to protect them too. So I said ‘OK there’ll be no contact’. Strange as the following day I had 2 friends request from my dad. and my mother was on the profile picture. Then I felt so sad again. I don’t know how to move on with my life and be happy. My hubby is doing what he can to make me happy, taking my on expensive holidays buying me gifts and buying our dream home , but yet I’m so sad. I can’t be happy. And most times I have nightmares that my mother hanged herself and when I wake up full of sweat and to find my lights switch on then I was scared that she was dead, then call my sister to see if everything was OK. I’m scared of something happening to her and I can’t be there for her. I really don’t know what to do and I see no light at the end of the tunnel. Is anyone feeling the same as me? How can I possibly move and forget them? 🙁

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Ruth February 4, 2017 at 1:16 am

My husband and I have recently come to the realisation that his mothe is a narcissist. I come from a background of having a father with typical NPD. Fortunately I have a very strong mother who managed to shield us ftom a lot of his crap as children, but as a result I have some experience dealing with the manipulation, lies, charmingress and selfishness and have developed a rather no nonsense set of strong boundaries. My husband’s mother however is a little different and not your average narcissist in that we call her the ‘kind’ narcissist. Perhaps 8 years of relationship with her (different cities) has not been long enough to bring out her vindictive side? Her modus operandi is always to make herself look good by doing the most generous and kind things, but early on I sensed she was patronisingly false but couldn’t put my finger on it until last year when we had our baby, the first grandchild. My hubby is the black sheep and has a poor relationship with his golden younger sister, so fortunately he is able to see her flaws. Apart from some serious sulks due to minor perceived misdemeanours on our part, a serious sense of entitlement to our baby daughter and a bit of a jealous undercurrent towards my own mother who lives next door we haven’t had it too badly. Oh and she seems to love me way more than her black sheep son as i think she thinks i can i can ‘improve’ him. I’m just wondering what the future holds and how we go about preventing any major heartache whilst protecting ourselves and our children. Father in law is a very sweet and quiet man who for the most part sees wisdom when confronted with MIL’s crap but is fiercely loyal. I don’t want to deprive him of seeing his grandkids.

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Jay February 9, 2017 at 4:09 pm

These comments make me glad that my NMIL is dead.

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Anonymous March 22, 2017 at 9:55 am

Well it has taken me 25 yrs of having a NMIL to finally figure out what to “name” the problem. I have always known there was something terribly wrong but never knew how to deal with it. Thankfully my husband has always known something was wrong too and we have remained a united front through all the trials. But this has caused us so much pain,anxiety and even depression at times. My husband has always told me he never felt loved until me and our children came along. He thought maybe it was because he was adopted that his mother couldn’t love like other mothers. Things always must be her way or the highway. If we don’t comply with her wishes she will leave my husband nasty messages that ,” he is too busy with his other family so she is disowning him. And she has done this numerous times. We bought a house and lived about 20 minutes from them. My NMIL bought a house literally right up the street from us. When she would pop in on a weekly basis never once calling first and would not even knock just come right in yelling hello. This became an ongoing problem eventually my husband said, Mom we enjoy having you as neighbors, its so convenient but its not slways a good time to visit can you just give us a 5 min heads up before you stop by. She literally went in to rage and that was 8 yrs ago. To this day she has never once called before stopping by. My husband has a sister who is 55 yrs old and has never made it out of that house. She had 2 children that my MiL took full control of raising and they all live together. My husbands sister has been on and off drugs and in out of inpatient stays for treatment of depression. She has always said she would like to move out but feels she cant. My MIL has brainwashed my sister n law into feeling like she cant be a good mother and she can’t survive without her. My Mother n law literally is in charge of the entire family. My father n law does whatever he can to keep the peace and will never put her in her place. I think he just wants to avoid her wrath. It’s such a depressing situation. It never seems to get better. Really wish we knew how to deal with her.

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SHERYL March 22, 2017 at 11:46 am

I’m so grateful my sister in law that shared this site with us. I have been Married 39 years, and my NMil is worse then ever. She is in her 80’s now, and she is more hateful and meaner then ever. She is very destructive with her mouth, she builds herself up as she pulls you do. She lies, manipulates, and creates an atmosphere you do not want to be around. I have gone through so much in all these years, almost a split with my Husband, depression and Hopelessness. All I could do is keep
my distance and Pray! I’m so thankful we live in different states, which still doesn’t stop
her with her destructive behavior! This helps me understand her better. I had just the opposite, such a loving caring Mother, I just could not relate to such a mean person in my life. This will help me in the years to come, to know that its not just me. That this is a sickness and disease. Problem is they have to admit it to get help. Everyone is a fault except them. I will continue to hold my head up and Pray for her daily. There is nothing to hard for God. He can turn any situation around. Thank you for posting this site! I’m encouraged that the truth is revealed!

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Kellly March 24, 2017 at 8:28 am

I cannot begin to tell you how happy I am that I stumbled upon this web site. I have been dealing with a narcissistic Mother In law for the past 18 years. My wedding day she toasted me and said that she would do her best to try to like me. Fast forward 18 years and there is still no like between us. My husband has been the peace keeper for the past 18 years and even went to counselling to try to cope with all the hurt and angry feelings that he has towards his mother. The counselor told him that his mother is toxic and that if he cannot set safe boundaries with her then he needs to cut all ties. Since my children have come into the picture things for us have been horrible. She keeps tabs of how often my parents see the kids then she reminds them that they need to make up for the time spent with my parents by spending time with her. My children are 14 and 11, and have been manipulated by her since birth. She even went so far as to tell my daughter at three years old that once I gave birth to her twin brothers I would have less time for her and she should move in with Nana and Papa because they would love her more than mommy and daddy. Whenever we confront her with anything she says or does its met with the “poor me” and the “i just love you so much, I would never hurt you” “you misinterpreted what I meant”. She is constantly begging my children to tell her how much they love her and if she is not satisfied with their answer she will start to cry and then say to them: “now you made me cry, i don’t feel loved by you”. Her behaviour has been the center of my marriage for 18 years and I am so tired of fighting with my husband over his mother. I am sick and tired of her trying to manipulate and guilt him back into her life. The worst part is the fact that my kids don’t even want to go over to her house because she makes them feel so badly about themselves. Just recently, my son came home from a visit to her house and proudly stated that he was such a good boy for nana this time because he didn’t make her cry. I hate that my children are being abused by her and I need this to stop.
The breaking point for me was last summer, for our 16 year anniversary, I bought my husband and myself a day at the spa. She asked if she could take our kids for the day and I agreed to let that happen. When we arrived at her house she told me that they were taking the kids to her sister in laws camp site for the day. I told her that this was fine and it would be fun for them but that I didn’t want my one son anywhere near the water. I also stated that he was not to go on the dock. (I have twin boys, one of whom is physically handicapped and in a wheel chair) no sooner had my husband and I sat down for a relaxing lunch had I checked my phone and there was a picture of my son, in his wheelchair, on the dock. In order to get him to the dock his 100 pound chair had to be carried down several steps with him in it. I lost my mind, i called her and told her to get him off the dock and asked her what part of no dock was difficult to understand. she told me she wasn’t clear what dock i was referring to and then hung up on me, bad mouthed me in front of all my kids and the rest of the family there. When we got home, she and her husband were long gone (my 14 year old was home with the twins) my kids told me through their tears that she never fed my handicapped son the entire day. When my husband confronted her with this she asked him which one of the two kids told on her, and then told him she was so overcome that I yelled at her she just couldn’t cope and she felt very overwhelmed with the care that our son needs. My daughter was beside herself because she tried to feed her brother and my Mother in law told her to leave him alone and that he needed to cry it out to get over his stress.
To this day I cannot look her in the eye, I have tried several times to confront her and each time she breaks down in tears and tells me that she loves her grand babies so much and how can I not trust her with them. I told my husband that I refuse to participate in any family function if it involves her and he said that would be fine. Only now, she takes each opportunity to bad mouth me to my kids. I am ready to be done with her entirely, my husband still wants to keep a relationship with her, but I can’t allow my kids to be the subject of her emotional extortion. Please advise on how I can protect my children from this crazy woman.
thanks
Kelly

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Marisa April 19, 2017 at 4:47 pm

I am so happy i found this website.. it is such a relief to realize the nightmare my family has been through can be explained. Although a little different from this exact situation, my grandmother a the narcissist who has been making my family’s life a living hell. My father (the narcissist’s son) is in complete denial about his mother’s narcisstic behavior. My mother, on the other hand, realized my grandmother’s psychosis early on, and their marriage has been dictated by my father’s denia ever sincel. My grandmother has complete control over my father, and ever since my sister and i were little girls she has been trying to control us. She would ask us questions about my parents marriage like, “do your parents sleep in the same bed?” “I know your parents fight a lot, can you tell me what they say?.” Since we have a very limited relationship with my mom’s side of the family, my grandma would use it to her advantage to make herself feel more important in our lives. She would say to us as kids “i know you have no relationship with your other grandma, it is so horrible of her, you know i would never do that to you.” Or “I know your mothers family has so many problems.” Bottom line is we were no older than 8 years old when she would interrogate us or make us feel extremely uncomfortable. She was also very touchy with us, in an extremely inappropriate way, not in a cute grandma way. When i would come home from visits with my grandma i would tell my father how upset she made me and he would COMPLETELY dismiss my feelings, telling me that she didn’t mean it or i took it the wrong way, or even worse he would accuse me of making it up and then accuse my mother of putting ideas in my head. My mother would pack a bag for my sister and I with snacks and toys to go to my grandmothers house and when my grandmother saw the bag she would flip out and be insulted by my mother that she is “overprotective.” I started really realizing something was wrong when my grandma became obsessed with only seeing my sister and I without my parents there. She demanded that my parents wouldn’t accompany us on any dates we made with her. My father relentlessly would harasss my sister and I to text my grandma, call my grandma, every single day. If we didn’t calll her, we got reprimanded and my grandmother will call him in hysterics. When she doesn’t get her way or no one gives her attention she goes into a depressive state where she bawls to her sons. Whenever we go with my grandma to the country club she belongs to she puts on a whole show, every time a person passes her she would make them stop and turn to us and go “do you know how much this woman loves your grandmother” literally every single person. Or she would be like “look at my hair, isn’t your grandmother FABULOUS” or “look at my socks, isn’t your grandmother so hip and stylish.” EVERYTHING is about her. In addition to all of this, i have to add that my grandmother has 2 sons in their 50’s and a daughter around 50. One of her sons (my uncle) is morbidly obese, and did not have a romantic relationship with a woman until he was 35 because he was extremely socially awkward. Her daughter, tried multiple times to kill herself and is heavily medicated to the point where she can barely hold a conversation. My father, the most normal of them all, is terrified of everything from dogs, planes, to even doctors. My father has type 2 diabetes and has had severe complications due to is lack of self care. Bottom line is all of her kids have serious problems and im guessing it is because of her NPD. All of this with my grandma has caused a giant rift in my family, and this isn’t even all of it. My parents marriage has been destroyed by my grandma, they are still together but might as well not be. My relationship with my father is the best it can be considering i am a liar in his eyes. He thinks I exaggerate, lie and am crazy when i have tried to be honest with him. I feel like i cant talk to him or have a real loving relationship because there is a giant elephant in the room and he cant see it. My mother has fought to protect my sister and i from my grandmother and it has caused wars in our house. I want so badly to make him realize the truth about his mother, but I don’t know how.

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Rachel May 28, 2017 at 6:31 pm

I’m so happy to know I am not alone. I’ve been debating on whether or not to marry my bf of 5 years due to his mother. At first she was charming and witty and definitely earned my trust and without warning completely surprised me when she when I found out she was saying negative things about me to everyone and even more so when I found out her son the man I loved had been bad mouthing me to her. I read messages concerning myself and was just so disappointed. They both were aware of my lack of trust for people because of my terrible childhood but I feel they are both possibly narcissistic and I can’t marry him because of it. I want to be happy in life and ultimately will be when I find someone else who’should parents have passed on are aren’t narcissistic. I feel bad for him but also feel like he is exactly like her.

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Done with in law bs May 29, 2017 at 9:40 am

My MIL didn’t even acknowledge me the first time we met. Acted like I wasn’t even there but asked her son if he had picked up his sister [since she saw that I had a car] rude from the beginning. We got married two years ago and she showed up late, in black, [with the entire family in black I might add] was only at our wedding for about 25 minutes and then they all left- early. Posted pictures on social media of the entire family at our wedding EXCEPT FOR US- didn’t even mention that she was at our wedding or that her son got married at all. Yet she plays the victim in every situation. I am not dealing with it any longer I have been nice and shown in my actions that I was putting forth effort but I refuse to let her do this to my husband, me, and now our daughter. She hasn’t asked to see her granddaughter in over 10 months.

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hillbilly June 4, 2017 at 9:28 pm

What a con artist. Hates anyone who knows her game. Toxic on all relationships. Drives a wedge between my kids and myself. Has to control every conversation, all attention on her.
Even has fake medical issues to get more attention. When my spouse and I were dating, you would think the future mother in law was courting me, pushing for commitment, trying to “buy” my loyalty and affection. Since I am wise to her she is very aggressive with the spin talking about me.

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Kelly June 20, 2017 at 6:37 pm

Thank you!

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Anonymous June 21, 2017 at 5:35 pm

I got pregnant at 18 had her at 19. Me and the father got back together when she was 7 months old. Well, they wanted a DNA test which was completely fine I understood the mans aspect of it.. we had a one night stand (young and so dumb lol) so I could understand him wanting to make sure she was his. She had dark hair when she was born and turned very blonde at 7 months which was the time we got together. We both have dark hair. Anyways they kept telling me she must be another guys that i **** around with. I was made to look like the bad guy because I wanted child support (he got around in his younger days) I refused back pay but I wanted the child support because if i didnt do it when it was free to start it i would have to pay for court if we ever broke up so i wanted it coming in so i had for sure help with her if he chose to cheat or if he just up and left then i wouldnt have to go through the hassle i could just leave and not have to worry about court. Anyways, He made it very clear after the dna test came back that he wanted to definately work things out.. we got engaged a month after we got dna results back. My husband had to have umbilical hernia surgery done so he had to stay the night in the hospital since he was having surgery at 6:00 in the morning. My friend was watching my daughter and I couldnt just expect her to watch her all night while i was in the hospital with my husband so i went back home and was gonna come back around 4:00 am. I was young so still wasnt completely used to acting like a wife. My daughter was my first priority and i figured he could be a big boy and stay the night by himself and id be back before they even did anything to him. That didnt make his mom happy so she showed up to my house and blew up in my face. I started crying bc i was trying my best to spread my time equal. She said sorry then told me not to tell my husband bc she didnt want him havjng to deal with drama right before his surgery but i told him anyways lol. After that Everything was fine we were planning our wedding until i found his ex at his house while he was at work. Again, I was the one overreacting because she “snuck into his house”. His mom kept saying how he has more female friends than males and i need to accept that. Uh no,…. lol. We got through all of that. he turned out to be an amazing man after the ordeal and grew up A LOT. We had 2 more kids. Shes never liked me from the beginning. I could kiss her butt and shed still think the way I breathe was wrong. They called me fat right after I gave birth and said I was overreacting that it was just a joke. Theyd always tell me im too sensitive made everything look like my fault throughout the years. I hated myself and always wondered why I couldnt be good enough and couldnt just fit it. I ended up going to counseling for a year. THEN we had to move in with her because my husband lost his job which was also my fault in their eyes!! My mom lived an hour away plus lived in a tiny apartment. we had 2 kids and pregnant with our third so we had no choice. When went into labor my mil flipped out because my mom was at work and couldnt watch the kids like we planned. His mom doesnt work so we asked her and she didnt want to. We ended up asking his dads parents to watch them and they were more than willing. We love them to death! So fast foward 3 months. We got married and they started a HUGE arguement because we just wanted parents and grandparents at the courhouse with us when we got married since we were having a ceremony later we didnt want the courthouse to feel like our wedding. it was just to make things legal since we didnt have the money then for the whole sha bang. His sister wanted to come and we already discussed this a few days before our wedding and his mom decided to wait until the day of to start the drama. We ended up getting kicked out of his moms house because I blew up on his mom on facebook and ended up living with my mom. She moved and had a bigger house anyways. We quit going around completely. His whole family has blamed us because of his mom running her mouth and exaggerating things without telling everyone what she has said and done to us. Just recently we invited my husbands parents to our childs birthday party so my husband can have a relationship with his father. It was definately very uncomfortable. You could tell she had an attitude and wanted to say things. Her family had blamed her actions on her fathers death which is complete bs because shes always treated me like crap since day 1. My father passed away a few montha ago and you dont see me treating people that way. If anything I’m a better person and made me realize life is wayy too short! She has problems. Like I said it was so bad I was in counseling for a whole year!! I have always tried to support his relationship with his mom regardless about how i felt about her but he doesnt even want a relationship with her just his dad. Trying to be accepted by a narcissist will drive you crazy!

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Anonymous July 16, 2017 at 5:44 pm

I am so happy to see meet you guys here. i thought I was alone. I married my husband 3 years ago, and we have one child ( my precious angel). the first time I met his mother she seemed so nice and charming, to the extent that my father loves her so much that he worships the ground she walks on. I stayed with her before joining my husband in the states and she had two faces while I was with her, she was both nice and something else, especially while I am not there. She supports her grand daughter when ever she goes to my belongings without my permission. She supports her children at everything, but that wasn’t my business. I joined my husband in the United States after a year. I and my husband had a little issues making conceiving. during those period my mother inlaw sent me numbers of people to call so that they will advise me on how to make love with my husband in other to get pregnant,, not just that she went ahead spreading my name that I cannot make common babies. But God visited me after one year. I carried my pregnancy successfully and had my angel.
My husband decided that he would bring her to the house to stay with us, so that I can continue my education. I accepted her with an open arms and heart. While I was 41 weeks pregnant I furnished the room she would stay in. I was so happy my mother in-law as coming. I see her as my mother, since my mum is deceased. After few months she arrived. THE ONSET OF DRAMA. Immediately she arrived at our home she came inside my matrimonial room and started looking at my wardrobe. She looked at my clothes, my earrings, she asked if I was selling earring. I make diy earrings so I had a lot of them. I didn’t say a word. I smiled over it. She started watching the food I eat. Starting telling me to take less food that I didn’t come to the house to eat. She accused me of stealing her watch. Talk about me yo my husband when I am not there. Took over the entire cooking. It was like a nightmare. Few months after her arrival, my husband had some issues and was arrested, that three months was like hell to me. She controlled everything about my life and my baby. She feed the four month old everything she was eating including Lipton tea. She accused me of thinking that I know everything when I complained. She monitored everything that I ate, monitors my dressing. At one point while I was leaving the house she came out of her room and insisted I style my har the way she wanted. Anytime my husband calls, she gets very angry, she cries saying that I am an ordinary girl that was brought to the house in other to have babies and not to be loved. She kept saying you are only here to make babies nothing else. “Once you are done, you will be of no use” she came to my room three times while my husband was aware to ask me if I wanted a divorce. She even asked me to take my baby and go back to my parents. Despite all these, I was so transparent to her. I told her everything. The way the case is going. I stayed with her till she fell asleep because I wante her to feel good. While I was away I called her to ask how she was doing but she would answer the call and keep quiet, everything about me annoyed her. She felt as though I was taking away the son from her.
One day when her daughter called her, she started telling her that I have been maltreating her. Oh my God! I was like wth??? This woman has been treating me like garbage and yet presents me like the bad person. After that conversation she came to me to tell me that her daughter extended her greeting and I said “no” I asked her why she would be lying against me at my back and now come to pretend. I told her that if she observes anything about me that she should call me and talk to me about it, but her response was that I should always keep quiet whenever I am been maltreated. I told her I was recording everything just to make her to stop abusing me verbally. She continued with her behaviors. To worsen the matter, if she wanta to give me advise that I didn’t even ask for she would call me a stupid person. After my husband came back she started telling him that I maltreated her, checked the quantity of food she ate. Called my husband names, that I even showed her pictures of naked women as old as she is. I was short of words. Called her and her daughters a harlot because my husband married me a virgin. She said too manY things. I kept ignoring her. my husband told her that he can’t understand what she is talking about. She became more furious, she stopped talking to mE. I went to the store and bought my baby a high chair and then call a hair stylist so that I can go and style my hair. When she saw all these things she felt like dieing. She couldn’t stand me taking care of myself or getting any things for my baby. She had previously gotten angry over my baby’s clothes and complain of the baby having too many clothes. A baby that she never touched until she was paid to touch her. She starts shouting after the high chair ipurchase, complaining of her dresses being too old and her wanting to get another one. ( my husband supports his siblings financially and God knows that I don’t get angry at that) my husband was like “what is wrong with you mama, what do you want form this woman?” She was just acting like a crazy woman, i came out and she started saying all sorts of things against me. Stared losing against me, that I even called my sister to on phone and we both laUghed at her in her presence. I have not talked to my sister for 3 months, where then did I call her on phone. I told her that she was living, but my husband got angry that I insulted her by defending myself. My husband left the house with the baby, then I ran inside the room praying to God to take away the devil that has taken over her. She opened the door and entered the room while I was praying. She was shouting ” you will see your children but you will Clive to go to their house, may the devil fall on you” and so many other things. I ignored her. She even told me that she will make sure that she destroys my home since I had the guts to warn her grand daughter over going to my belongings. I was like so this is her anger? She called me all sorts of names and even insulted my family. She went further to call my baby names. SAying that “is this a child?” Your mate have many children and you ah e only one. She told me that I am here eating food instead of me tonne having the babies that I was brought to have. My husband came back and asked me to go and ask her for forgiveness. I did that and she said that I must go and call her children and beg them too. I didn’t say anything. My husband told me that she would be leaving by December and would never comes back again. I hope to put up with her, but I will never regard her as anything again in my life. I forgive her even though she didn’t apologise. But once she is gone my relationship with her will never continue. She will seize to exist in my life, and in my ki’s life.

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Elaine July 31, 2017 at 2:35 pm

My MIL is a narcissist. I have been married 22 years to her golden child son. She describes our wedding day as the worst day of her life as her son was “abandoning” her. She wished me luck early on in our marriage as she treated my husband “like a king” and apparently I would never treat him as well. This lady had no life – no friends, no hobbies, a checked out husband that was emotionally unavailable. She just obsessed over her son and referred to him as her “best friend”. I tried early on in our marriage to get along with this lady – but just couldn’t. I didn’t trust her and knew something was so off with her. She was in competition with me and did what it took to be number 1 in my husband’s eyes. She even spoke in her native language to him to exclude me and claimed she didn’t know English although she spoke it perfectly. She lacked empathy – only could see her perspective, was very manipulative, lacked respect for our privacy, meddled, interfered and was the biggest stress on our marriage.
I started to really distance myself from her several years ago, and cut her off a year ago. It was the best decision I made. She added no positive value to my life – only stress. Right before I cut her off she went off about what a horrible mom I was, fessed up to interfering with our marriage and predicted my husband would leave me. She is now terminally ill with just a few months to live. There will be no apologies or acknowledgement from her that she behaved poorly towards me as narcissists cannot accept responsibility. I plan to next see her at her funeral.

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Jamie August 8, 2017 at 5:17 pm

Omg! I feel we need to start a NMIL group. It’s so nice to know I’m not alone.
My husband and I have been married 25 years. I don’t have to describe my NMIL
because you’ve all done it for me lol.

However, when I met my husband I had him over for Easter.
My “too nice” mom said to call her and wish her a Haopy Easter. I did
and I was sorry. She said “well it’s not a Happy Easter for me because my sin was at your house! And asked if we were getting engaged. She also said we should not spend
Holidays together yet. On and on. I went in the living room with my parents after that call
and I said “thanks mom!” I told them and they were shocked. My dad who was a. Wet wise man said “is he worth it?” Because I have two children I’ll say yes. If it wasn’t for them I would have left. He’s so defensive and denies her behavior.
It’s always about her. Every holiday is her holiday. Or she calls 911 to get attention until
her insurance wouldn’t cover it after 10 times in one year. lol I’m not lying. She’s crazy. Always has medical issues. Lied about having a strike. Talks badly about my sister in laws who are nice. They can’t take it either. Once my sister in law cleaned her house for her and she told her she’s using too much water! She’s a crazy bitch and now I’ve cut her off. But I only see her if I have to and I’m really nice.

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