Calling All Survivors

by Michelle Piper

We have something new on our blog! It is your opportunity to share your struggles, stories, and triumphs over your narcissistic mother and other narcissists in your life. If you have a story to share, email it to Michelle at the address to your right and it can appear on our “Survivor Stories” page. This gives you the space to share as well as help others through your story and comments on others’ stories as well.  Be sure to add “permission to post” so we are sure to respect your wishes regarding privacy.

{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }

sharen October 27, 2012 at 12:56 am

I have just put my gentle, compliant and unassuming father into a nursing home. He has dementia. My NPD mother is in hospital with a broken hip, but continues to manipulate my life and those of my siblings from her hospital bed. She continues to be hurtful and has done her best to undermine our self esteem throughout our lives. Both my sisters have moved away from her and barely see or speak to her. I, the so called “Golden Child” continue to drive her everywhere. I have taken complete control of her personal finances….a massive undertaking, but strangely gives me a sense of power that I suppose I never had as a child.
I feel emotionally removed from my mother….she can’t hurt me anymore, but that doesn’t stop her from trying…lying and playing one sister against the other. She’s a sorry, pathetic old lady, it doesn’t work on me anymore.
The next big step is to get her into the nursing home where my father is living. SHE plans on going back to live in the 5 bedroom home…the doctors will make this important decision(with my influence)…not her. She can barely walk, but doesn’t want to go and live with “old people.” And as far as living with my father goes…..
I find solace in reading blogs from other survivors of narcissistic mothers. It just helps me. Some may find it morbid to be reading about NPD so much…but I call it therapy…it helps me to understand why my mother behaves the way she does. I’ve grown up so much since I was in my 30’s, I just wish I’d known more when I was younger and moved away.


Michelle Piper October 27, 2012 at 7:54 am

Hi Sharen,

Thank you for sharing a part of your journey. Your compassion for your mother despite her limitations is profound. This little blog has been up for only a few months and yet the stories we are sharing with each other are highly personal and heartfelt.

Story is one of our oldest human techniques used to take our pain from the shadows and let it lessen in the light of mutual understanding with our fellow survivors. Thanks for being a part of this community.


Sweetness November 7, 2012 at 7:09 pm

I just found your blog today, and I am working my way through reading it. It’s good that word is getting out about narcissism and its toxic effects on children, and that women can be self-absorbed, controlling, and difficult. Too often I read about what I call “Sainted mother syndrome” as though mothers can do no wrong, but I was raised by one who refused to see me as an individual separate from her. I cut contact with her and all of my family 6 years ago, and I only wish I had done so years before.


Michelle Piper November 8, 2012 at 7:01 pm

Thank you for sharing your experience with “no contact.” It is something many of us never thought we’d do, yet sometimes it becomes a must-do in order to protect ourselves and our healthy relationships we’ve worked hard to make.


Oneheart December 31, 2012 at 10:16 pm

How do I begin? I lived in the world wind. Who can believe or fix this nightmare? I am close to God, I know He loves me. My story is long, old, beaten down because My love was used against me. I had a mother who never really loved me, and I was too dumb to know. I am the one who saw the monster that lived inside the woman that was my mother. She died on July 27th at lttle over 5 months ago, and she had to take one last swipe at my heart before she left this world. I was the scapegoat, the nobody, and once a long time ago, in my heart I was a mommas baby, only I didn’t,t know, it was just my imagination. I am 1 of 4 siblings, the youngest daughter, number three. I have a sister, the oldest, an older, and younger brother. My mother, competed with me, put me down, turn my home upside down, and lied on me to the point many in my family believed her lies, or just got so confused they stayed away.

She knew I wouldn,t ride elevators, but moved to the 14 th floor of an apartment building, and told me I needed to trust God and deal with it. I have bad memories, and I feel lost sometimes. You would be shocked to know I used to get A,s, and B,s in school growing up, but she thought it better to call me stupid when I was little and growing up in order to keep me from thinking too much of myself. No matter what I did she always put me down. My older sister was perfect in her eyes, I was less than zero. I moved away, and she literally stalked me. I left the state, but returned 3years ago. I had little contact. I have so many stories of jealousies, rages, her begging me to come see and talk to her, only to have her attack me, then push me over the porch wall while I had my back to the concrete below. I screamed out to God, as I fell, I couldn’t,t catch myself, because she push me from the front and I fell backwards. When I hit the ground I had my eyes closed, I thought I was dead. My hair somehow cushioned the impact to my head, and I didn’t,t break my skull, when Inwent home with blood and bruises, Insaw my back was purple and bluish looking from the impact. She called me later begging me not to tell, and apologizing. I found out later till that she told differing family members that I had attacked her. She lied. This time last year she found out she had stage 4lung cancer. As time progressed she got sicker. I wrote earlier about her living on the 14 th floor. She had always lived in a house before that. I wouldn,t go up there for 10 years. I saw her at my home. She would visit or take my youngest kids with her for weekends, yes, I tried to have normal lacy with her despite our tumultuous past. As her illness progressed family tried to get me to ride the terror box called elevator. I couldn’t,,t do it. What my husband and I did was climb those fourteen stories to her home in the sky. I turned 50 years old this year. My youngest 9, then 16, then 30 years old. Yes those are the ages of my kids. I have been told I do not look my age, but I felt it climbing those steps. My older brother and sister were there helping, they can do no wrong, in herbeyesvthey are perfect. They reverted to old behaviors and began treating me with insignificant attitudes. To give you an understanding of how crazy my mothers ways toward me were. She pushed me over the wall 10 years ago when I was 40 and she was 64. Keep in mind I was not going over or visiting at the time because she was so comfortable verbally disrespecting me, I had decided at 40 Ibshould be completely removed from her. She called, begging and insisting I come, she said we could work it out. I should have stayed away. I am slender, I wear a Size 6, or 4 depending on hoe my weight fluctuates. When something is on my mind I tend to lose my appetite. My mother was at least a size 18-20. She used her weight and just rammed into me and over the wall Inwent. Anyway, back to her sickbed. My older brother and sister were acting bossy, and was feeling out oflace. I was not really comfortable in my heart, I told my siblings it was too much stress to deal with and we needed to be patient with each other, my younger brother was catching he’ll from my older brothers indifference. Anyway, as tensions mounted, my Mother was overjoyed with all the attention. IfvIbtalked to any of her visitors,she would interrupt us and gain all attention o herself. You must understand, there were 5-7 people in the apartment at times, and no matter who she was talking too, she had to have the full focus of whoever I was talking to. When an older relative saw me, she spoke on how good it was to see me, and how she knew I was the one who couldn’t,t ride elevators. My mother closed her eyes like she was falling asleep. When I went home, there was a call, my mother told my husband, that he and I were no longer welcome, that she had my brother call a locksmith, and had directed the building guards to not let us in. I was banned. I had been given a key earlier in time as her condition worsened and she lst strength, also Hospice was now there. She could die at any time. I am still shocked. I couldn’t,t process the fact she was not going to let me see her again until she was dead. Then, the next morning a call came telling me to come running, she was dying, I felt inside out, upside down, twisted, flipped, smashed,crushed, and cracked into. I did not go, it felt like a setup. That was on a Saturday. That Monday thy moved her not a Hospce facility. The calls came again for me to come. She wanted to see my kids. I went on Tuesday feeling drained, unbeknonst


Oneheart December 31, 2012 at 10:23 pm

I am replying to my own post to finish it. My mother was having a meeting when I got there deciding if I should be allowed to stay. They called me and here I was being portraiteyas the bad guy again. I tod her I forgave her, she ignored it. She lived a couple weeks longer and died. I am healing because I am free. I hoe this helps someone else. I hope you know your,e not crazy or alone. I am sorry you had so much pain, stress, struggle and shock. You are loved and very capable of thinking straight , thy had the roles. When you cry, know that I cry too. It’s ok to feel, you are not only a survivor you are a winner and they lost out on the beautiful handsome, complete goodness of you..Oneheart


Mistree99 May 4, 2013 at 11:27 pm

one heart, I understand your pain. my father said for, many years that my NM was on her death bed… the latest was when, after . moving from my home overseas, back to the family titan I grew… not realising I was caught in this he’ll, that had a name, & worse still, that it would not change, & I shouldn’t have brought my family here, & left our lovely life for the same abuse I’d endured for so long, after 16yrs away, thought that things would be better.
so, recently, on the latest saga, she was so ill, she was seen shopping, & bookng a holiday. They returned on my birthday. she doesn’t call or anything, just gets my dad to give me the guilt trip when I see him. On my birthday he rang to say they were back safely, & just talked about himself. Didn’t wish me happy birthday or anything. My siblings abuse me & think it’s do so. it’s all so nasty, & lonely. I understand what you wrote. & the physical abuse… my mother attacked me with wine bottle. only that I put my arms up over my head to protect myself, that I didn’t have my head cracked open. I couldn’t straighten my arm for s long time, & wore my school jumper to hide the marks on my arm _ & carried books so I didn’t look weird holding my arm bent. One friend asked & got the message not to ask again. I just wish it was not ok to protect my abuser. My family is split & she “holds court” like a pro. lots of her old friends realise she’s abusive. On the day I went no contact through adv emailed letter, my gorgeous daughter was born , early. not from stress but possibly freedom. she’s seen mummy baby twice, but I didn’t litter her hold her. she doesn’t ask, but let’s my dad do it. He is narcissistic himself, but in a way that is less outright abusive, but her puppet.
I want to move my family away, & not tell them. it seems harder being close geographically. I can’t believe these people exist & are knowingly abusive. I thought they were devoid of compassion/ empathy, but as I read more of NPD, the more it makes (devastating) sense that they have compassion for those in conflict with you, just choose not to give it to you. it’s never too late to build your own “village”. people will see you are good, virtuous. it is your virtuosity that narcissists feed off & make it their own. I feel like you, I’ll have to wait till her death to be truly free, & lots of therapy to give myself permission to validate my existence, & undo all the years of abuse that I felt I deserved maybe coz I looked like her (& she didn’t like herself -all these ways to reason why she hates you)… May you find peace that you deserve. x


Drew April 11, 2014 at 6:57 pm

I can relate very much to the stories on the blog. My NPD mom abused me from my earliest memory. Beatings with a belt– where there was no white on my legs-just black and blue. When I was in first grade she made me wear colored “tights” to cover bruises. I always felt like I had to be “loyal” to my mom and keep her secrets-even when I walked in on my step-father sexually abusing my 7 yr. old sister. (I was 6.) My mom did nothing about it. When I was grown, my other siblings asked me about it-I told them the truth. My mom “cut me off”–no more invitations to the family Thanksgiving, no more birthday cards, etc. She died last yr. — her last “revengeful act” to me was to find out that she had cut me totally out of her will. I have experienced much healing with God’s help-Christian counseling and read many books on destructive relationships, etc. Am trying to totally re-do my thinking-from all of the lies she told me about myself-to destroy my self esteem.


Angie November 3, 2014 at 3:21 pm


I recently was cut out of the Will along with my younger sister. GC got everything in life and death. She chose to die out of state so we never got to see her. She just went away to die. A coward if you ask me. She could not control the cancer and just like her mother, checked out in a hurry. GC was emotionally and physically abusive. I was the scapegoat and it was pure hell till I left home. GC and her daughter have NPD. The house of torture needs to be burned and everything inside.


Renee April 16, 2014 at 11:38 am

Hi All,

I have a couple of postings around this site and the information and stories and tips I have read about has been very helpful. I continue to make progress and heal after 40 years of surviving a NM relationship. I have also accepted that my healing is going to be a daily process until the moment I am no longer here.

I’ve learned so very much and now that I have my NM comfortably and honestly defined, I am experiencing a lot of memories and events. The great thing is now these all make sense and just how ridiculous my NM is and how sick our family is (my deceased dad as the enabler, my golden child sister and each are narcissistic in their own manner). I do feel sad that this is my first nuclear family (I have my own healthy family) and aware and accept that the guilt and sorrow is not mine to carry. yeaaaaaaaaaah!!

Just yesterday I was at a health appointment and the professional, whom my NM also sees, asked if I thought there was ever going to be a chance that my mother and I would have a relationship, that it’s sad because she’s getting older and she is alone. I felt as if he thought it was up to me to remedy this relationship. Why would he ask me that? I’m sure pretty sure he knows he can’t ‘go there’ with ‘Barb’ (my NM).

I confidently and pleasantly told him that my NM’s no contact was initiated by her, that her personality disorder is hers to own, and that things are the way they are because she built it that way. Even with that, it seemed like he eluded that I should try. I tried to enlighten him about what a narcissist is and the way they operate. I also provided him with this website and Parrish Miller’s article as he said he has a family member with a similar situation!

And with all my progress, I felt like I had fallen back into the NM dark pit. If I had been raped or beaten, no one would ever suggest to remedy the relationship. But because NMs can be so psychologically covert and there is no evidence of physical damage, people just don’t get it unless they experience and live through it.

I’m sad to say that I actually thought about his suggestion of reaching out to my NM for only a minute and then snapped myself right out of it!! The good news is that I recognized much, much quicker that I was falling backwards. Before I would pine and wrestle in the agonizing psychological pain for weeks and months (why does everyone feel so bad for her and why is it up to me to fix this instead of holding her accountable?). Now, it’s down to a feeling-low day and a fairly sleepless night and I’m back to my confident me (smiles!!).

I think what I’m trying to say is that we all may contemplate or even ‘slide’ backwards, again, seeking what we were not given by someone who couldn’t or wouldn’t give it. I think that’s natural. And like a cat, we have to practice realizing we are falling and, first manually and then instinctually, land on our feet.

I believe one of the ways we gain strength in our NM recovery is to experience the temptation (a well-meaning suggestion, one last hope, etc) of ‘going back’, ‘trying one more time’, ‘maybe this time will be different’, la la la la la, recognize and address it, and then catch (STOP!)ourselves. We are worthy in catching and protecting ourselves.

Lastly, just this morning I was telling a co-worker about my progress and how quickly regression can occur;

I was at the market shopping for our daughter’s Homecoming dinner to be held at our home (about 65 high school friends and parents). On my second basket (really!!) and just about ready to check out, I saw my NM walking by at the other end of the aisle. To anyone else she revealed as an elderly, arthritic riddled, fragile and hunched up woman, so very harmless. To me, I was in high peril and jeopardy.

Just knowing that ‘Barb’ was in the same store as me and that I might accidentally run into her face-to-face literally paralyzed me. I stood there frozen, weeping, panicked, not knowing what to do. Should I leave? Stand my ground? What if she opens into a rant in MY store (she normally grocery shops at the military base)? I was stone-cold paralyzed and felt like I was going to faint.

I managed to call my husband who talked me through it. And then the Divine sent an angel; a worker in the store who knows me and the NM drama (she is my daughter’s friend ….. and mine too). She saw me and stayed with me, calming me down and helping me work through this.

Then it became kinda funny. We were peeking around aisle corners, product displays, and the check out lines to see if ‘the coast was clear’ from ‘Barb’ …. laughter is really the best medicine! We were giggling at how silly it had gotten and golly, I felt so much better!! I successfully, personally, stood my ground, got my groceries loaded into my car, and jetted home.

Looking back, I’m so glad I didn’t run and hide. I’m so glad I didn’t give her my power by leaving. No regrets!!

Be the cat and land on your feet; feel and recognize the fall so that triggers and prompts you to put your landing gear out!! You may experience a tyraid of emotions. Never-the-less, put yourself and your best interests first. Stand your ground. Vote for YOU! Each time I hope that you will find that your pro-activeness for YOU becomes easier and/or the aftermath is quicker to recover from.


Michelle Piper April 20, 2014 at 9:46 am

Thank you so much for sharing!


Anonymous February 23, 2015 at 2:01 pm

I am 52, but am really only at the beginning of my journey with the truth. I spent much of my adult life assuming the responsibility for mending fences and earning my place in the family. I was severely scapegoated as a child, then took on hero as an adult..for many years I was deluded into believing I had worked a place into my mothers heart…or was on the verge. But the intimacy was illusive. It denied my personality because she took all of the credit for everything I worked hard to gain. She continued to compete with me and subtlety make me aware that she kept me at the bottom ring of her personal totem pole of the value of her four children. My siblings became jealous when it appeared I was on the verge of pleasing her. I thought I had potential, it was my responsibility to find it the combination!!!!! I would be truly valued by her someday…..soon. As though I could overcome the fact that she had spent the first two decades of my life literally trying to destroy me.

I gave more, I tried more, forgave more, prayed more, I provided resources, financially and physically. I played a three decade forgive and forget routine. Then it failed.

How is it that any rational and mature adult can believe themselves the responsible party to childhood abuse that was so painful. When do you switch into thinking it is OK to be your parents parent, giving them all of the leeway and unconditional chances, only to be tricked into seeing you were played once again by a spoiled selfish child? What do you do when they are getting old, and everyone out there is telling you this is your last chance to connect, and losing her love will destroy you.

It is hard to explain to people that to lose something, to mourn it, you must have once had it.


Sandy February 26, 2015 at 5:55 pm

If you knew how many times I just said “Me too!!” in reading your post (except I have no siblings).
I wish I knew the answers to your questions.
Sucks, doesn’t it after so many — sooo many years of trying… and wondering… and trying, and trying. To no avail.
And yes usually to our detriment.
I’m still amazed at the number of different ways she tried and was successful.
When you ended with “It is hard to explain to people that to lose something, to mourn it, you must have once had it.”
– thats a real as it gets. Harsh, but real.
I’m 53… fresh to finding out, myself – been a whirlwind but don’t know what I would’ve done if I hadn’t found this site when I did… was exhausted past the point. Life looks different, since. Hoping the same for your new journey.


k March 3, 2015 at 5:55 pm

well said, I applaud you.
“How is it that any rational and mature adult can believe themselves the responsible party to childhood abuse that was so painful. When do you switch into thinking it is OK to be your parents parent, giving them all of the leeway and unconditional chances, only to be tricked into seeing you were played once again by a spoiled selfish child? What do you do when they are getting old, and everyone out there is telling you this is your last chance to connect, and losing her love will destroy you. It is hard to explain to people that to lose something, to mourn it, you must have once had it.”

I feel the same way but could not have expressed it as well as you have. I feel for your mixtture of confusion, grief, sadness and anger all at once, as I too, feel the same confusion. God bless you!


Anonymous April 5, 2015 at 7:32 pm

All the emotional abuse, this one topped it all. I heard it ALL from my mom. “You are worthless”, “I hope you die!” “Go kill yourself”, “Your college is not good.” “You won’t have a job after college with that degree.” “You are nothing.” “Don’t bother me for anything.” “You have big eyes like your father. Its ugly.” “Why did you cut your hair, you look ugly!”

But this Easter Dinner weekend , topped it off with a simple conversation
Me: When is her baby shower? (her, to whom I was referring to, is my family friend’s daughter)
Mom: They don’t want to say anything yet because its bad luck
Brother and GF looked confused at mom
Me: Some people think it’s superstitious. However, some people don’t and they believe in science.
Mom: Well…. You told people early and your baby died. That’s how your baby died.
Dad: C’mon. Why would you say that?!
All of Us: we just sat there and ate our dinner, and we watched her go upstairs without saying one word to her or to stop her.

**I was 5/6 months when we had a miscarriage due to an abnormality they found on the spine.


Saxjody May 22, 2015 at 10:57 am

I’m 58, the scapegoated child of my narcissistic mother. It suits her to pretend that I am mentally handicapped in some unspecified way, or perhaps autistic, and my GC older sister colludes with this. As I knew nothing about narcissism, I spent my whole adult life gaining qualifications (MB, ChB, MA) to prove to them and myself that I was really OK, but of course there is no pleasing a narcissist. My mother would sabotage all my efforts (wouldn’t fill in grant forms, wouldn’t take me to prize-givings, no money, no equipment etc) and even now both her and my GC sister pretend I have never qualified or worked (25 years as a doctor). I married another Narcissist (of course, because what else did I know?) who had a string of mistresses all through a long marriage and then contested our divorce and stalks me. I have spent my whole life wondering if I was crazy, because although I could clearly see all the dysfunction in my family (alcoholism, exhibitionism, divorces, delinquency) no-one else would or could acknowledge it. She is now in her late 80s, still making trouble: scape-goating and ‘golden-childing’ alternate grandchildren, stalking them all on Facebook, currently torturing everyone with what she might do with her estate; disinheriting and then changing her mind weekly. She sent me a list of things I will inherit – 8 bits of second hand junk with 2 things clearly crossed off the list! My GC sister will need a removals van for all the stuff she has been given.
I have come to understand about a narcissistic mother late in the day and it has been a blessed relief. I am so sad that my siblings and I are estranged; can’t trust one another; triangulate stories; feel there is never enough love to go round and compete all the time. It is even sadder to look at the grandchildren – they are more of a hot mess than we children were. Because I ran away when I was 16 and was pretty much no contact for decades, I have fared relatively well and my kids are safe – they have had almost nothing to do with their evil grandmother. Unfortunately, they had their N father and I feel guilty about that.

I look back now over perplexing childhood stories and finally understand what was going on. Why was I eating dog biscuits when we were rich and the house was full of food? Because the food was all “Mummy’s’ and God forbid you touched any of it. Why did I have no underwear, no health care, ugly haircuts, weird home-made clothes? It all makes sense now.
Final note – just like the lady above here is a recent conversation with my narcissistic mother at a family wedding
GRANDCHILD (giving her narcissistic supply) – ‘You must be so proud of your wonderful family, grandma. Look at all the children and grandchildren you made!’
Narcissistic Mum – ‘At least no-one turned out to be ugly or a drongo’
Golden Child sitting opposite – silence
(This GC has a profoundly handicapped son, who at that moment either didn’t exist or was being praised for being neither ugly nor a ‘drongo’ whatever that means)
Me – collude in silence and don’t challenge her on what she has just said.

I have lived 2/3 of my life in agony, fearing for my sanity, waiting to be diagnosed as autistic, yearning for mother love. Knowledge is power and I am done with suffering and victimhood. It is true – the scapegoat turns out OK.


TAMMY January 18, 2016 at 1:36 am

I have been trying to figure out for a long time what my Dad had against me. We have worked together 26 years. He openly ridiculed me in front of employees. He was always harder on me than anyone else. He has locked me out of the office. Humiliated me in front of co-workers. He did my sister the same way. She became so destroyed by him she later died. He had fired her and humiliated her publicly. She was going through a divorce and he told her he would help her keep her house. Then later changed his mind. She had been financially bankrupted. Her son put the house in his name and helped her for a little while and his wife got mad and made him kick his mother out. My sister tried finding other work but my dad trashed her when they would call for references. They don’t feel responsible for her dying all though I felt they played a big part in her health going down hill. She stayed depressed and never was felt like she was good enough. My brother is the golden child he can never do any wrong is Narsassistic like my parents. He has treated his wife badly physically and emotional. They had two boys get killed in a house fire. It was devastating to the whole family. He was abusive to them before they died. Now he has a daughter that has really been through all the violence between her parents. My dad until this past October sent me a text telling me I had not contributed to the company and told me not to come back to work it was the 3 year anniversary of my sister dying. It has been so devastating to me. I went to my office to get some of my stuff. He had changed all the locks and put a dead bolt on my office door so I could not go in. When I asked him how could he do this to me? He had my brother call the sherrffs department and put me on a no trespass. I was supposed to own half of the business. We had shut down one company and started a new one and my brother and I were to share the business 50 50. It was all a lie. I just don’t get how a parent could be so cruel to his on daughter my brother loved every minute of what they did to me. I have been diagnosed with PSTD. I have been having panic attacks. My brother has tried smearing my name to my clients. They had already weeks before started sabatashed my computer deleting files. My brother assault me twice at work last year.I’m trying to pick up and move on. I live across the street from my parents. I can’t hardly even stay at home anymore. So I have had to deal with a narsassistic father, mother and brother.


TAMMY January 18, 2016 at 2:24 am

I’m continuing my story my mom started with me at a very young age. She listened in on all my phone coversations with my friends. I was asked to be the maid of honor to one of my closest friends my senior year. My friend asked me to go with her to a bridal show she came by to pick me up but she was completely ready so my mom wouldn’t let me go with her because she didn’t believe we were going to back to her house to finish getting ready we were so excited and then it turned ugly. My friend Lisa decided to tell my mom that she was tired of seeing me hurt by her all the time. I was not allowed to be in the wedding. The day they got married my mom took me to the church but would not let me go in and be a part of her excited day. It almost destroyed me inside that she would go that far to hurt me and humiliated me. She tried to ruin my wedding day when I got married to my first husband. We had a beautiful wedding and then my husband forgot to pick up our marriage license. My mom made a big deal in front of everyone had me in tears and told me I couldn’t go home with my husband. My first night with him was destroyed because she didn’t feel like we were legally married in God’s eyes. The preacher that did my service finally talked to my mom and told her we were married in God’s eyes. Needless to say the marriage did not last. She never let me live it down. When I married my second husband they would not have anything to do with me. My dad told me o had to have my name removed from the church because I was sinning against God because I had devorced and was remarried.
So now I had to be humiliated at church. Even though I was coming out of a abused relationship. My dad thought that I had probably
done things to deserve the mistreatment from husband. My brother became good friends with him after the divorce and sided with him. As long as they have beat down they are all happy. I thought for years it was my fault I had to have done something to have been treated this way by my family. I later had 4 children my 2nd husband walked out on me and the kids. I struggled to raise them on my own. My mother constantly interfered in my child rearing. She treated my middle son as the golden child. The other kids didn’t matter. Now I have three grandchildren and my oldest grandson is her golden child. She has very little to do with my grand daughter since my oldest grand son came along. It is so sad because my grand daughter doesn’t understand and she lost her mother. She died at A very young age. My grand aught er was 2 at the time. I love all my kids and I love all my grandkids. I don’t know how you pick and choose. They have no empathy. I am struggling every day with this. Luckily I have a couple of friends that are helping me get thru this period of time. I just recently started looking up Narsassistic Parents. They have always tried to control me and my life. No boundaries. I have got to sell my house and move away from them. I can’t deal with it anymore. I deserve to have a good life.


sue April 29, 2016 at 6:43 am

I was diagnosed with cancer. My mother sent me a flower arrangement. As I was going through treatment, she still had elective knee surgery and never once came to help me or call me to see how I was doing but expected me to go to her house and pick up her mail, and bring her things to rehab. Thank God I have a wonderful husband. He told my siblings they had to pick up the slack that I needed my rest, otherwise I would’ve done it. Crazy.


Samantha November 1, 2016 at 9:07 pm

I always knew my mother was “eccentric” and had some major issues, however it wasn’t until this summer — at age 42 — I confirmed she has NPD. My entire immediate family suspected some type of personality or mood disorder, but when I saw her treat my child — her 4-year-old grandchild — in the exact abusive way she treated me, my eyes were immediately opened to the fact it wasn’t ME, it was HER (I know, I know, I sound like the cliche abuse victim). After a minor conflict, she abruptly ended our 10-day visit by dropping us off at an airport hotel five days earlier than our departure, which required a 5-hour drive involving psychological torture the entire time (she refused to lend me the carseat or the stroller I borrowed from a friend). Among the many insults on that drive she told me, “You were a horrible little girl, you were a horrible teenager, and I’m so disappointed how you’ve turned out.” After this nasty episode, I started researching NPD to take personal inventory on how she impacted me and the rest of my family. I came across a diagram of a NPD family dynamic with the scapegoat (me), golden child (my younger brother by 2 years), and lost child (my youngest brother by 7 years), and emailed it to my father who left my mother 20 years ago to save himself. Upon seeing the diagram, he said: “Did you draw this?” NO, this is the textbook dynamic and it is incredible to see just how textbook her behavior is! Liberating to realize, but still very sad to think how much she detrimentally impacted all our lives and how different they could be if we had a nurturing mother.


Bertie January 13, 2017 at 1:43 pm

This is the “Survivor Stories” category? I want to start out by saying that stumbling upon Michele Piper’s website is the best thing that has happened to me with regards to this lifelong problem I have had with my mom and toxic family. I am now 58. My mom is still alive and causing problems on a daily basis. Lately, and for the first time, I started to write on my laptop. Whenever I think of something “really horrible” that has happened to me, via her or the family, I write it down as a short little paragraph. I am now on page 80 and I predict I have many more pages in me. For most of my life, I loved my mom more than I loved anybody! I remember my dad saying to me and my sister, “It’s funny. Most mothers are supposed to be envious of their daughters. But you three are so close! That didn’t happen in our family!” Well, that was only because at that period in time, mom had more than the rest of us. That changed.
My mom is much, much more than just envious. But envy is something that flows through her blood 24/7. I looked up the word “Envy” the other day in Wikipedia. It’s one of the Seven Deadly Sins. They have a painting of a woman at the start of the article. It actually looks like my elderly mom.
For years and years and years, I thought that I was responsible for making my mom happy. No one else was doing it! Mom would complain to me constantly about how everyone else in the family was letting her down, wasn’t buying her nice presents, wasn’t inviting her over for dinner, and so on. I lived in a different state but I called her every single day. I sent her presents regularly. At Christmas time, I felt I had to “make up” for what my siblings didn’t do, and remembering my mom was our biggest expense in December. And we had children! The same went for Mother’s Day. The same went for spring time when people bought flowers to plant or hang outside. More money was spent on my mom than was spent on ourselves. This continued and continued.
Whenever my mom had a surgery, I was the one who was supposed to go home and take care of her. I won’t even go into the behavior she exhibited. No one would believe me.
Nothing we did was good enough. And we never spent enough money on her; she had Grand Expectations All of the Time. And yet, I continued to try and try and try to please her. I still hadn’t figured out “That Something Was Wrong” with this relationship.
Whenever the first of December would roll around, she’d begin being in a state of depression. This would last the entire month. She loved Christmas; not for Christ but because of all the “other stuff” associated with the season. I would be mindful of her anticipated disappointment, and I would call her, and check on her, and all month long, her mood would slowly, slowly drag me down. On Christmas Eve, during the day, I would call her multiple times to try and cheer her up. This went on, year after year.
Things were starting to build though and I was starting to have big problems in dealing with her. I was complaining to my girlfriends so much that I was losing friendships. My husband was going crazy having to listen to me. I did get professional counseling three different times in my life and they were all about dealing with her and my siblings.
When I finally started to say “no” to certain things, she turned on me. She became very mean. I told a close friend (yes, I know, I talked to another friend!) about some of the things she was doing, and this older, female friend said to me, “But mothers don’t do things like that!” And I answered, “Mine does”.
My mom has feigned death, not answering the phone for 1 1/2 days, just to worry me. I was living in a different state and there was no way to check on her.
My mom has told me I am ugly (and take after my dad). She has told me what facial qualities are ugly and that, if she were me, she’d have had plastic surgery long ago.
She insults my children and also insults what they look like.
My mom was never there for me when I needed her. Big events when other girls had help from their mothers.
My mother told me recently that she deliberately killed a litter of kittens I had as a youngster, by putting them into a bag with rocks, and throwing them into a lake and said to me, “There. What do you think of that?”
And yet, my mom lives on and on. And we have the classic dysfunctional family with The Golden Child, and The Scapegoat, and The Lost Child (now deceased). What was I? I was never the Golden Child. Sometimes, I was viewed as Golden Child #2. If it worked for her. If it didn’t, if I fought back, then I was put in with the Other Scapegoat Child.
And now, when things come up, I am still expected to be the one to bail her out, run to her rescue, do the right thing, etc. And she has caused/still causes me great pain. I have driven around in the car, not that many years ago, and have screamed out loud, “I hate you!” when thinking about her. I am a senior citizen. My mom is still alive. I have lived my life like this. Several years ago (after the time when she feigned death to hurt me), I walked away. This was the first time I walked away. I literally cut off all contact with her and my siblings. I felt a little guilty about it, but I was much, much more sane. I was actually doing pretty good. And then, a couple of years ago, we moved back to the part of the country where my family is from. Big mistake. We tried not to move there, but thought, maybe things will be better. Well, they weren’t. It was like walking right back, smack, into it all again. Absolutely no one and nothing changed. And so, for the past two years I have been rolling with the punches again. And if you could picture me as an empty vessel — with the poisons of my family filling up the vessel with a red punch drink — my vessel would be nearly filled right now — with them. I made the decision, out of necessity, to walk away, once again. And so, starting now, I am going to do what I did several years ago and have NO CONTACT. For the rest of my life. It’s over with them. And if I get the opportunity to move away, without great financial ruin, I will do so.


Bertie May 23, 2017 at 2:37 pm

Hello! If anyone is listening, I am now on No Contact and it will soon be Month Number Six. And I made it through Mother’s Day without contacting her to acknowledge the day.
The more and more that I think of everything she’s done, the siblings have done over the years, and how awful things ALWAYS are with regard to them, I know that I made the right decision. I feel very sane these days. I am dealing with my OWN family and making a healthy environment for MY OWN family.


Anony June 9, 2018 at 3:20 pm

Thank you for sharing. I feel your pain.


Continued cycle August 30, 2017 at 11:23 pm

I feel like the biggest fool. I have a bachelor’s degree in psychology and I didn’t see the signs up until recently. 17 years after I graduated I might add. I look back and see now. The Rose colored glasses came off. Yes my mother called me fat and told me I wasn’t worthy of love because of how I looked. She would keep me inside until I profected hospital corners at 5 years old. If I wore white socks and a speck of lint was noticeable would push me to the ground for me to see it and pick it up. In my 20’s still living with her would “ground” me for a toilet that overflowed, when I didn’t even use that bathroom. She would threaten to call and cancel my car insurance if I didn’t comply. Or threaten to have my dirty clothes on the floor when my friends would come over. I married and had two children. When I was a week postpartum expected me to wait on her and got mad when I didn’t. She got better when she realized I married a worse version of her. With the birth of my second child my husband and his family forced me to give my first child to my in-laws (as if I promised my first born to them) on days my husband worked for 5-8 hours a day. By forced I mean my husband would threaten to stop paying my bills, report the car stolen when I drove it, divorce me and take my kids away from me. He said he would tell the judge I was crazy and unfit. I broke down and cried with all this and he said “look at you, do you think any judge would give you anyone”. This went on for a year. We went to counseling and the counselor suggested that we compromise. What the hell. Why does a sahm have to give up one of her children? I said ok and we initially agreed on two days a week. When he presented the new change to his parents, his dad threatened to cut him out of the will. I played along for a while. Meanwhile, I was severely depressed. I had thought of suicide because I thought at times death would be better than living like this. I talked with a few friends who reassured me that this was still not ok. Recently, I told my in-laws that me first born was not going to be going over there solo anymore. They can come by is or we all come over but this is over. My mother-in-law started yelling at me. My husband told them that I talk about them to my friends and went into details that I only told my friends. (He read my text messages). We ended up leaving because my mil didn’t want me to see her cry. My husband told me after we left that I was (many explicitives) for doing that to his parents. Then started back with the same crap that he will ruin me, divorce me, and prove I am crazy to the courts. Later that night I started to record conversations on how he talks to me. When he caught me, he wrestled the phone out of my hand and broke it. I ran to get another phone to call the cops. He again wrestled the phone out of my hand and preceded to take all the phones that were in the house and hid them. If it wasn’t 2am I would have went to the neighbors. He took me to get a new phone the following day. He took my broken phone so I didn’t have any evidence of what he did. The only way he shows he loves me is to buy me crap. I would take real love over material. I wish I didn’t have blinders on the past few years. I love my children and are forever grateful for them but I wish it wasn’t with him. His control worsened when I had them. He uses them to gain control over me. I can’t believe I have a psychology degree and didn’t see or ignored the signs. I would be better off with my nm than my husband at this point. Can’t believe this is my life.


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